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How to the react to the aggression of jealous colleagues
Hello,
today one of my colleagues (who's nice when we're one on one) attacked me as she already did before. I'm working one floor above and I came down to the ground floor where she worked with colleagues. She asked me (in front of other colleagues): "are you lost?" I answered: "no, why?". She said: "because you work on the floor". How many patients do you have? I said "4, why?". She said: "I want to know how many patients you have". I said "we got 4 each". End of the exchange.
It was clearly an attack, implying negative stuff. How do you react or how do you prepare yourself with colleagues who are aggressive and/or jealous? I understand she's a social climber.
For the context, I'm having access to a training opportunity she would like to have. I'm happy I defended myself with turning back a question on her, but I'm aware this is only level 1.
Not too bad, you didn't do any big mistake.
I would have probably ignored her answer first or possibly even answered similar as you have.
For example:
Female doctor: Are you lost? ↑
You: Hey Jane, how you doing ↑ (optional, takes the edge off: I'm looking for X here →)
It's a slight brush off, but it matches her initial non-friendly opening.
If she wanted to be friendly, she would have said "Hey John, need any help?" or "Hey John, are you lost? Can I help you somehow?"
If I had gone down your way, I would have probably looked for a one-up back after her retort:
Female doctor: Are you lost? ↑
You: No, why? →
Female doctor: You work on the floor ↑After two one-ups from her, this was the time to asnwer with a one-up of your own
You: (said with a smile, to make it obvious you're humorously taking the piss out of her) Wow, you're territorial as hell, Jane! Should I move cautiously in case you left some booby traps in here? (look around as if you're looking for danger, then keep walking and keep smiling as well to invite a smile from the people around, ideally from her as well) ↑
Technically, the above is a "one-up" using humor.
Your questions where "one-crosses" where you probably could have gone one-up back on her (did you reach the lessons on frames in Social Power? Maybe I could add some general rules or examples when it's better to go one-up back).
But you didn't do too badly.
You avoided one-downs, and you never conceived too much ground.
And well done on getting that training, let that social climber stew ;)
Thanks for the answer Lucio! Yes, let her stew, hahaha! I've seen it a few times now: jealous bitter people end up nowhere. I also think your video below is another perspective on this issue. I haven't reached yet the course about frames. I'm looking forward to it!
I think the change of frame is the best approach of course. My next stories are going to be about victories.
