How you can (and should) date without spending much money

#1 · January 12, 2022, 11:57 am

Quote from leaderoffun on January 12, 2022, 11:57 am
'The Frame' on dates is 'guy spends, pays for companionship or promise for sex'. This is a terrible frame.

The frame that the man is taking something from the woman, and has to pay to compensate. The reality is that they both are out to enjoy themselves and nobody is taking from anyone else, they re on this win-win. The power dynamic is already f*cked up by the guy paying for shit. Plus it's 'the norm', you want to be outside of the norm, be memorable.

Now, you have control over the setup. That's a great thing for being a guy. So use it! My goals is to be memorable. I've tried a few things but rather than trying to replicate them I'd go for something that comes out of your own personality. Make something that only YOU (this is important) can do. That's the most memorable.

For me I've tried:

Meeting at a treehouse (for children) with candles and wine

Dancing at home (yes, for a first date even sometimes). No matter if she can't dance

A fireplace and telling stories

Framing is super important, also for you. If you think of it as cheap, they will notice.

Frames that work:

1. If Brad Pitt invites the girl to do something that costs him no money, would the girl think he's cheap? No, she would be over the moon. You are a high-value guy! She's with you. You could take her digging graves and she will like it!

2. Children are an inspiration. They get together, start digging holes on a sand mountain, have the greatest time. It doesn't matter if the sand mountain costed no money. It's now a castle and there are bad guys trying to invade it. Let's throw rocks downhill at them! Once you are in a narrative, it's all role play. You have left the real world. Some call it a 'we' frame. You create a bubble, she is in there with you.

F*cking take the girl to do anything children do. Have the greatest time while doing it. Children are masters at having fun. Tell her in advance if you are going to dig holes on a sand mountain so she doesn't come dressed up like a princess lol.

I use Jenga to break the sexual tension. It's a children's game. They get SO into it, they relax so much. I think one out of ten girls who played Jenga with me ended up not having sex that day with me (and she was a special case, with traumas!)

Jenga is portable. If it's sunny, take her to a park and play Jenga. Or football. Or whatever activity, no matter if it feels 'non-datey'. Hell, even better if it feels non-datey.

It's also a bit of a compliance test. Say you like football. The girl is thinking guys have to buy her a nice bottle of wine, and a steak dinner. You take her play football like children in a park. If she accepts, and has fun, she has done something amazing for you. She went to the place where you are having fun; bought your frame. Big compliance!

'The Frame' on dates is 'guy spends, pays for companionship or promise for sex'. This is a terrible frame.

The frame that the man is taking something from the woman, and has to pay to compensate. The reality is that they both are out to enjoy themselves and nobody is taking from anyone else, they re on this win-win. The power dynamic is already f*cked up by the guy paying for shit. Plus it's 'the norm', you want to be outside of the norm, be memorable.

Now, you have control over the setup. That's a great thing for being a guy. So use it! My goals is to be memorable. I've tried a few things but rather than trying to replicate them I'd go for something that comes out of your own personality. Make something that only YOU (this is important) can do. That's the most memorable.

For me I've tried:

Meeting at a treehouse (for children) with candles and wine
Dancing at home (yes, for a first date even sometimes). No matter if she can't dance
A fireplace and telling stories

Framing is super important, also for you. If you think of it as cheap, they will notice.

Frames that work:

1. If Brad Pitt invites the girl to do something that costs him no money, would the girl think he's cheap? No, she would be over the moon. You are a high-value guy! She's with you. You could take her digging graves and she will like it!

2. Children are an inspiration. They get together, start digging holes on a sand mountain, have the greatest time. It doesn't matter if the sand mountain costed no money. It's now a castle and there are bad guys trying to invade it. Let's throw rocks downhill at them! Once you are in a narrative, it's all role play. You have left the real world. Some call it a 'we' frame. You create a bubble, she is in there with you.

F*cking take the girl to do anything children do. Have the greatest time while doing it. Children are masters at having fun. Tell her in advance if you are going to dig holes on a sand mountain so she doesn't come dressed up like a princess lol.

I use Jenga to break the sexual tension. It's a children's game. They get SO into it, they relax so much. I think one out of ten girls who played Jenga with me ended up not having sex that day with me (and she was a special case, with traumas!)

Jenga is portable. If it's sunny, take her to a park and play Jenga. Or football. Or whatever activity, no matter if it feels 'non-datey'. Hell, even better if it feels non-datey.

It's also a bit of a compliance test. Say you like football. The girl is thinking guys have to buy her a nice bottle of wine, and a steak dinner. You take her play football like children in a park. If she accepts, and has fun, she has done something amazing for you. She went to the place where you are having fun; bought your frame. Big compliance!

#2 · January 12, 2022, 12:59 pm

Very interesting.

Not necessarily something I'd see myself doing, but interesting nonetheless.

So you said this worked for you?

Jenga is an interesting prop.
You lose the chance of focusing on you two, but you can bring the excitement and fun of doing something.
You take it with you take it out there? These days it's cold, you could only do that somewhere inside I suppose?

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#3 · January 12, 2022, 4:33 pm

Quote from Lucio Buffalmano on January 12, 2022, 12:59 pm

Very interesting.

Not necessarily something I'd see myself doing, but interesting nonetheless.

So you said this worked for you?

Jenga is an interesting prop.
You lose the chance of focusing on you two, but you can bring the excitement and fun of doing something.
You take it with you take it out there? These days it's cold, you could only do that somewhere inside I suppose?

Jenga I only did at home; and combined with dancing, so it might be impossible to isolate the effect.

The way I do it is:

Date at home to dance in my home studio, with mirror.
It's a very sensual dance and I'm good at it, so sexual tension goes up fast
When I feel we need more comfort than sexual tension, I suggest we play Jenga
Jenga has the property that you have to focus your attention a lot, it's very non-threatening, and you can talk about stuff while you play it. There's still a big spike of emotion when the tower falls. You can touch each other to distract each other and make the other person lose
It's also a short game, maybe 5-10 min. At some point you switch back to sexual scalation, or dancing, or whatever
In the mind of the person being seduced, everything is very playful, very natural, and 'it just happened' 🙂

Very much a tested strategy. Didn't count but between 5-15 times it worked well.