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“I don’t give my number to strangers” Power Move
Hello TPM community,
on dating apps this happened to me in the past and few time, it may have happened to you. Here’s a recent exchange. Hungarian woman 31. We had a good interaction, a later day she initiated contact and asked me about my passions. I asked her how her day went and she did not answer.
Me: ?
Her: Hi John, i am so sorry for being flaky. To be honest, i wanted to reply on Thursday, but i was out with a friend, and then to be honest, i forgot about this app, and did not get any new notification after 🥲
Her: You are in Oslo now?
Me: It’s all good no worries!
Me: I think it’s easier to talk on WA. I don’t know what you think.
Me: Nope I’m in Hometown. Testing the app travel feature.
Her: Oh, i don't know how i feel giving my phone number for a stranger on the internet, i remember my parents warned me about this as a kid 😅
Her: I am sure there are far more prettier people in Norway than in Switzerland 🥲
My analysis
Me: ?
Low investment poke. I learned it from Lucio. It worked. It works 9 times out of 10. People don’t want to feel bad so they might answer even if not interested. Just not to feel shame.
Her: Hi John, i am so sorry for being flaky. To be honest, i wanted to reply on Thursday, but i was out with a friend, and then to be honest, i forgot about this app, and did not get any new notification after 🥲
I first interpreted this as a high investment apology. Therefore my “it’s all good”. But now I think it was a crafty “I’m busy” power move which I should have countered. On dating apps as Transitiones said there are a lot of games.
Her: You are in Oslo now?
I was checking out the pretty girls.
Me: It’s all good no worries!
I should have said “I’ve been pretty busy myself (it’s all good)”
Me: I think it’s easier to talk on WA. I don’t know what you think.
Tried to move her. That’s with this girl that I learned I should have moved her on a high note.
Me: Nope I’m in Hometown. Testing the app travel feature.
I hesitated to ignore her question. Here it’s a half truth. I’m being honest but not exactly as well by saying “I’m testing the app”.
Her: Oh, i don't know how i feel giving my phone number for a stranger on the internet, i remember my parents warned me about this as a kid 😅
Playing games: frames herself as the prize (now you chase me) and me as a stalker/dangerous guy. Not cool at all.
Her: I am sure there are far more prettier people in Norway than in Switzerland 🥲
Another game. I’m Swiss so it frames me as not pretty but not forcibly. It also frames me at searching for foreigners which I am. She’s Hungarian so she left herself out of the frame.
I’ll post my solutions later.
Hey John,
The good news is that I see room for improvement to take your game and results higher.
Some examples:
- The ask was untimely, not on high but on a low
- "It's all good no worries" is the neutral answer to what was a disempowering "sorry" power move (no bad intentions, but still disempowering). But still leaves too much power on the table
- Can inject more fun / off the field replies by avoid more logical answers
- Can add hooks for her to reply. For example the "I'm in my hometown" without hooks is a conversation ender that puts the onus of leading back on her. Only women with high interest will re-initiate from that
Finally, her last sentence is a fantastic opportunity for some teasing/bantering.
Hello Lucio,
thanks for your answer!
I edited it a bit (added the analysis) so I see your answer now after the edit. Thanks a lot! Will comment later when I’m better able to do so.
100% what Lucio said. She has given you a gift of a frame buffet with the big long message.
I would have gone with this.
You still do what your parents say, good girl. Yeah I travel a lot for work. Oslo is great I like blah blah. What's your fave there?
There's a lot in there
So here's what I was trying to do.
First I take the positive judge role but with a twist Because of course she is a grown woman. Now as I have said I didn't mind being a little sharp. If you wanted to water it down you could say smart lady instead.
Next I played the travel card. First it puts me in a positive light because travel seems to be the new religion for ladies. Next it gives me plausible deniability if I catch a cheap air fare some time and want to jump on a plane and see this lady. I am not being chasey I just happened to be near for work and she is fitting into my world.
Then I do the Oslo blah blah which is a positive conversation starter. But also if she got irritated by the parents crack it now makes it harder to go back in the conversation because she looks like she is affected and is making a big deal out of a small thing.
Disclaimer I have been out of the game for a very long time and might be totally uncalibrated these days
Hello Transitioned,
Thanks a lot! Yeah yesterday I did not post due to the technical issue. Long story short, yesterday I used your answer:
Me: you still what your parents say, good girl. Yeah I travel quite a lot. Oslo is a beautiful city. You been there?
I found it so good that I took it verbatim as you can see.
The person I am talking to is in Switzerland, probably was not clear from me. So she was asking me: why are you checking out the girls in Oslo? kind of shit test.
Thanks a lot for the analysis, it's helpful to understand how you think.
What you wrote is much helpful so you I think you still have it :). Actually as I'm sure you understood. I do have a lot to learn from you (and Lucio). Going to write about it in my journal.
And here is the answer. For you @transitioned:
Hahahaha, this good girl thing was unexpected 😅 i am sorry if i am being overly protective of my numbr :)
I have not been to Oslo by the way, but I lived in Finland for 4 and a half years before I moved to Switzerland. I love the nature there.
Is travell part of your job or you do it for pleasure?
So right on the money! BTW I also learned from you not to be boring. Have to apply it. Might comment on this later.
Nice - I'm way too old to catch a 24 YO. I can live again vicariously. Edgy is good but just don't overdo it. Its like chili sauce. 80% rapport building but if its all rapport she won't get the tingles. And its the tingles that lead to good things happening.
And my usual 2nd disclaimer, Lucio's had the pleasure of more ladies than I've had hot dinners so always his advice over mine.
Thanks for the advice.
yeah the thing is for me to flirt I have to desire the girl. Then it’s automatic. When the girl is so so and the vibe is so so then it feels like work. But hey it’s a learning experience. But I feel like entertaining dumb girls when I’m not attracted and play the texting game. Otherwise it feels natural if there’s a connection. If there’s not I get bored and it feels like a waste of time and I stop texting the girl. I’ll see it as an exercise.
Like this girl the moment she says she’s not giving her number I lost interest. Plenty of girls gave their numbers. So I feel she’s a time waster. If I would meet her I would pump and dump.
