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"I greatly appreciate your response" = covert judge power move

Think of this famous stock phrase:

Them: "I greatly appreciate your response"

Or any of its variants, for that matter: "I appreciate you... ", "your fast response is appreciated... ", etc.

They say that:

  1. You are supposed to reply: it's an indirect form of tasking (power move).
    1. Plus, it tasks you with a guise of "professionalism", which puts more distance between you and them.
  2. You will displease them if you don't reply: they greatly appreciate you taking action for them (you make them happy, positive form of judge) but, it also implies, they are also greatly displeased if you don't (negative judge).

woman with a speech bubble "I appreciate your response"

Every time you read that line at the end of an email from someone who has no real authority to demand your response (lateral tasking), you should think "one-up power move. F*ck that".

If they have no real authority over you, they also have no authority of demanding you to take action -and with a judge frame, least of all!-.

And if this is a colleague work, the more you start taking action from these people, the more they also become your "de-facto boss".

Then, once you're in the right "f*ck that" mindset either:

  1. Don't reply (you don't let them task you, and purposefully choose to displease them)
  2. Go talk to them in person (you take action on your preferred terms)
  3. Explain to them why that's a power move and why you "greatly appreciate they avoid assigning you tasks" (you can do this kindly, if it's a friend/relationship)

 

Have you read the forum guidelines for effective communication already?

I may answer

Your patience is even more appreciated, you are in my list of priorities, yet that list is long :)...

jejeje

 

Quote from Stef on September 4, 2020, 11:07 am

I may answer

Your patience is even more appreciated, you are in my list of priorities, yet that list is long :)...

jejeje

This is actually golden, Stef!

Draws attention to the power move, sends the message you didn't appreciate, draws boundaries... All without escalating or being too confrontational, and actually keeping a rather collaborative approach.

Have you read the forum guidelines for effective communication already?

and the "you are in my list of priorities yet that list is long" is kind of a mindfuck ๐Ÿ™‚

jajaja

Very insightful stuff here. Especially love Stef's take on dealing with this power move without coming across as low-warmth, awesome!

Would variants of "I greatly appreciate your response" also be:

  • Looking forward to hearing back from you
  • Would love to hear your feedback

Do these count?

in a way they are, yet those sound nicer to me, at least he is trying to massage your ego: thats a double edge sword in a way it gives some value at the same time it is manipulative... so I would have to take into account context or other elements of the person/interaction.

some people may not even mean it as a power move but more so as genuine appreciation/enthusiasm for your input...!

Yeah, Stef's a beast, wouldn't wanna be in the defendant's shoes when he's the prosecuting lawyer ๐Ÿ˜€

Quote from Ali Scarlett on September 24, 2020, 9:14 pm

Very insightful stuff here. Especially love Stef's take on dealing with this power move without coming across as low-warmth, awesome!

Would variants of "I greatly appreciate your response" also be:

  • Looking forward to hearing back from you
  • Would love to hear your feedback

Do these count?

Yes, they are variants of the same, but far more on the milder scale.

  • Looking forward to hearing back from you: implies that he is replying indeed, which can be a bit annoying if it's a cold reach out since that decision is up to the receiver, the receiver decides whether he is interested / has time. BUT if there is previous correspondence already and/or you're sure the receiver is interested, then it can be a positive sign of interest and of willingness to move quick. Plus, it's such standard format that many people don't make too much about it
  • Would love to hear your feedback: is the mildest way of nudging the receiver to reply, so to speak, and the most empowering for the receiver. It builds him up instead of trying to corner him and oblige him to reply. Best used when you need something from the receiver more than the receiver needs something from you, since it frames the receiver a bit as an expert/mentor who can help you with their feedback

 

Have you read the forum guidelines for effective communication already?

Ah, got it. Thanks, guys!