"I greatly appreciate your response" = covert judge power move
Think of this famous stock phrase:
Them: "I greatly appreciate your response"
Or any of its variants, for that matter: "I appreciate you... ", "your fast response is appreciated... ", etc.
They say that:
- You are supposed to reply: it's an indirect form of tasking (power move).
- Plus, it tasks you with a guise of "professionalism", which puts more distance between you and them.
- You will displease them if you don't reply: they greatly appreciate you taking action for them (you make them happy, positive form of judge) but, it also implies, they are also greatly displeased if you don't (negative judge).
Every time you read that line at the end of an email from someone who has no real authority to demand your response (lateral tasking), you should think "one-up power move. F*ck that".
If they have no real authority over you, they also have no authority of demanding you to take action -and with a judge frame, least of all!-.
And if this is a colleague work, the more you start taking action from these people, the more they also become your "de-facto boss".
Then, once you're in the right "f*ck that" mindset either:
- Don't reply (you don't let them task you, and purposefully choose to displease them)
- Go talk to them in person (you take action on your preferred terms)
- Explain to them why that's a power move and why you "greatly appreciate they avoid assigning you tasks" (you can do this kindly, if it's a friend/relationship)
I may answer
Your patience is even more appreciated, you are in my list of priorities, yet that list is long :)...
jejeje
Quote from Stef on September 4, 2020, 11:07 amI may answer
Your patience is even more appreciated, you are in my list of priorities, yet that list is long :)...
jejeje
This is actually golden, Stef!
Draws attention to the power move, sends the message you didn't appreciate, draws boundaries... All without escalating or being too confrontational, and actually keeping a rather collaborative approach.
and the "you are in my list of priorities yet that list is long" is kind of a mindfuck 🙂
jajaja
Very insightful stuff here. Especially love Stef's take on dealing with this power move without coming across as low-warmth, awesome!
Would variants of "I greatly appreciate your response" also be:
- Looking forward to hearing back from you
- Would love to hear your feedback
Do these count?
in a way they are, yet those sound nicer to me, at least he is trying to massage your ego: thats a double edge sword in a way it gives some value at the same time it is manipulative... so I would have to take into account context or other elements of the person/interaction.
some people may not even mean it as a power move but more so as genuine appreciation/enthusiasm for your input...!
Yeah, Stef's a beast, wouldn't wanna be in the defendant's shoes when he's the prosecuting lawyer 😀
Quote from Ali Scarlett on September 24, 2020, 9:14 pmVery insightful stuff here. Especially love Stef's take on dealing with this power move without coming across as low-warmth, awesome!
Would variants of "I greatly appreciate your response" also be:
- Looking forward to hearing back from you
- Would love to hear your feedback
Do these count?
Yes, they are variants of the same, but far more on the milder scale.
- Looking forward to hearing back from you: implies that he is replying indeed, which can be a bit annoying if it's a cold reach out since that decision is up to the receiver, the receiver decides whether he is interested / has time. BUT if there is previous correspondence already and/or you're sure the receiver is interested, then it can be a positive sign of interest and of willingness to move quick. Plus, it's such standard format that many people don't make too much about it
- Would love to hear your feedback: is the mildest way of nudging the receiver to reply, so to speak, and the most empowering for the receiver. It builds him up instead of trying to corner him and oblige him to reply. Best used when you need something from the receiver more than the receiver needs something from you, since it frames the receiver a bit as an expert/mentor who can help you with their feedback
Ah, got it. Thanks, guys!
I have been working through the covert power moves section and I came across this and found it interesting because I use this from time to time in emails. I never thought about how I might have been covertly tasking people with a reply. I am realizing that we all have been conditioned to use certain power dynamics consciously and unconsciously. I have two questions pertaining to this topic:
- When writing an email or reaching out to someone what would be an example of a polite way to end a request or line of correspondence without using these stock phrases. My initial thought was just to end the correspondence as is because no politeness or warmth is required unless something of value has been exchanged.
- Is it normal to scrutinize your own speaking patterns during this course? The more I read and learn the more I find myself analysing everyday interactions and conversations. Do these techniques eventually become second nature?
Finally just a comment one this course. It's difficult recognizing covert power moves and responding appropriately in a timely manner. Sometimes I know something is going on but I don't have the appropriate response loaded so to speak. Then I come back to the course material and forums to learn.
Even now I want to finish this post with "looking forward to hearing your thoughts" because I am indeed interested to hear the community weigh in but I'll save the covert power move and avoid the embarrassment hahah!
Dienekes
Hello Dienekes,
Yeah, it's quite normal going through a phase of "over-analyzing" and you'll eventually settle at a point of much higher awareness and skills, without constant monitoring.
"Looking forward to hearing your thoughts"
And feel free to go for that "looking forward to hearing your thoughts", it's quite benign.
To nitpick, the small issue is that it assumes there will be replies.
And that, in turn, slightly disempowers those who respond because their answer is then framed as less free will and good heart willing to help, and more as "normal and expected".
For that, I personally avoid it.
My go-to stock sentences on a forum tend to be some variation of:
If anyone has any idea or feedback on this, I'm happy to read
"I greatly appreciate your response"
As for "I greatly appreciate your response", it's not a huge offense with equals and subordinates since, as you also say, it's become a stock sentence.
It's also well-suited in some situations.
For example, to put some more pressure on the receiver to reply if you have the power to demand an answer.
So what I'd ask is:
- Are you in a position to pressure someone? Ie., you truly need that information to move forward and achieve a goal. Or you're the boss
- Is the person supposed to reply? Like, it's part of the process, or you made a very direct question and it's your right to know the answer
If those two are missing, oo nitpick, yes, it is a bit disempowering.
The general rule is:
It's almost always disempowering for someone to do something after they have been pressured to do it since the frame is that you strong-willed them, and they submitted.
So I'd generally avoid this with a boss.
And I personally avoid it most of the time in a first email because, even if small, I still prefer treating people with respect and assuming they will do their job and their part and reply without the need of me pressuring them.
However, I may go for it in a second email/text/voice note if they didn't reply the first time.
Then, it's well-suited since the sub-communicate becomes "the first time you ignored me, now please do reply because I don't like being ignored".