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"I let you..." tasking power move
Hello guys,
Here are a couple example:
Example 1: A nurse has done her short evaluation and then leaves the room she says to me: "I let you examine the patient".
Example 2: a colleague (peer) is asking our team a specialised evaluation through me (I'm being supervised by an experienced trained specialised) and she says: "I let you discuss it with your supervisor and get back to me"
It sounds like a permission "to let someone do something" but it's actually an indirect order. That is what our supervisors use with us.
In Example 1, it's tasking from a subordinate. In example 2, it's tasking from an equal.
My challenge is to respond to it. They are not entitled to formally task me and it's a bit annoying.
The only defence I thought about so far is to self-task.
Example 1:
Nurse: "I let you examine the patient".
Me: "I'm going to examine the patient".
Example 2
Colleague: "I let you discuss it with your supervisor and get back to me"
Me: "I'll talk with my supervisor and get back to you."
That being said, I'm sure there are better defences. Note: some of these interactions are in person while others are on the phone.
I cannot mirror it as it does not work in this case I think.
What do you guys think?
Just my two cents, but if a subordinate indirectly tasks me with something, even though they can't actually task me with anything, I reckon my response would be to giggle... and then just get on with my job without ever thinking about it again...
Thanks for your answer ZenDancer!
I'm taking the opportunity to provide more info about the setting:
Example 1: It's the emergency pediatric room. The nurse first enters and assess the child then I enter and the nurse summarises the situation and tells me the vital signs.
Example 2: I'm part of a pediatric specialty team (pediatric neurology, paediatric endocrinology, etc.) for 6 months during my training as a pediatric resident. Doctors from other pediatric departments might have a problem that they're unable to solve on their own. So their supervisor is asking their resident (for instance hemato-oncology resident) to call me to ask for our recommendation. I then collect the information, think about the case and possible causes/solutions. Then I talk with my supervisor who adds/confirms my analysis (or if I don't have a clue, gives me the answer). Then I call back the resident with the solution. The resident then informs their supervisor of our recommendation. In this situation they're both asking a service from us (tasking) while addressing experts (supposedly above them since they need us, power is on our side). At the same time, the person asking the recommendation is at the same level as I am.
Cheers!
Yeah, it's a covert power move.
"I let you" is one step closer to "I allow you".
Let me think it over, and as a quick reminder, let's keep in mind that all basic, all-weather techniques apply when you're not sure about a "best" way.
Those are your 80%.
There is a sub-module in PU now called "power tech".
And this lesson:
Has many of those basics.
So
- Ignore: go ahead and do your thing, and fix at the overall level of acting more assertive / higher power and/or in other situations
- Slight disrespect + nonverbal: shake your head as if to say "what the fuck was that"
- Task back: I let you go now
- Frame it as helping you: thank you for doing the basic pre-examination (plus the power move of "basic", because... Why not :) )
Example 1
Nurse (Subordinate): I let you examine the patient
You (Boss): Goob Job. Happy to take it from here.
Subcommunication: Yeah, you did pretty well here. Now fuck off with that attitude. Let the expert take it from here.
Example 2:
I think he's your colleague and is providing some value (correct me if I'm wrong).
So a collaborative reframe could work.
Colleague: I let you discuss it with your supervisor and get back to me.
You: Happy to help. Let's discuss this later on when I've the time.
Subcommunication: I'm willingly contributing value here. I've other things to do as well but always happy to work together to solve a problem.
Thanks Lucio and Matthew, this is helpful!
I'll review this part of PU.
Quote from Lucio Buffalmano on January 10, 2022, 7:37 amSo
- Ignore: go ahead and do your thing, and fix at the overall level of acting more assertive / higher power and/or in other situations
- Slight disrespect + nonverbal: shake your head as if to say "what the fuck was that"
- Task back: I let you go now
- Frame it as helping you: thank you for doing the basic pre-examination (plus the power move of "basic", because... Why not 🙂 )
The 'slight disrespect and nonverbal' was what I was kinda pointing to with the 'just laugh' suggestion. I think a knowing laugh or smile, or even just a sideways glance as if to say 'really?' can communicate a whole lot without a word being said...
Quote from ZenDancer on January 11, 2022, 9:12 pmThe 'slight disrespect and nonverbal' was what I was kinda pointing to with the 'just laugh' suggestion. I think a knowing laugh or smile, or even just a sideways glance as if to say 'really?' can communicate a whole lot without a word being said...
Yeah, that was also good.
I think it works well for John's case because he's not directly their superior.
If you're their direct superior, I'd go with something more direct as the giggle is a bit "game-y" (you change your state from "normal" to "fake amusement", and that's a bit too high investment).
But otherwise, it's also a great option for someone who's more generally self-amusing.
