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"I love how... you are" covert power move
It works like this:
- I love how...
- You do / say
- (weird / not cool / frowned upon thing you did or said)
Or:
- I love how...
- ( / your nationality / background)
- You are
A guy used to tell me "I love how Italian you are"... Eexcept he'd always use it in ambiguous situations where it never really felt like "love".
I don't remember specific situations, but an example that fits may be me saying like me saying "just talk to her" ("I love how Italian you are" here meaning that there is a process and it's not about talking).
Just looked at the old article on "jokes" power dynamics, and it was him again:
Me: (makes an inconsequential mistake that wouldn't even be worth to talk about)
Him: (thread-expanding power move with the "I love how..." frame)
Him: (doubles down on the nastiness going even lower)
The judge-power move variant
A subset of this power turns into a judge power move.
Another guy I know did it.
For example, when someone made a good joke or something something "cool" or "smart" and everyone was laughing or agreeing, he'd say:
I love X, he's my favorite person in the whole world
AS we know, these types of judge power moves tend to come from higher status people (to understand that, just think of how unnatural it would be if the lowest status person would say that about his boss).
So, with that, he'd put himself back on top.
Interesting, I know a guy that plays a variant of this power move a lot. An "affectionate" covert power move:
Guy: What a good person you are/You are such a good person/I love what a good person you are.
Guy: I love that you are so you. (Says that either after you say something, or after you do/say something funny)
He says it as if he were talking to a toddler, so it's judge+babying power move. Although I think that even with a normal tone the "I love how... you are" is babying.
Cheers.
I suppose reciprocity works well here:
Power mover: I love X, he's my favorite person in the whole world
Answer: And I love you!
In other words, reinterpreting it as a compliment but playing the same covert game on them.
Quote from Bel on September 9, 2023, 8:07 pmI suppose reciprocity works well here:
Power mover: I love X, he's my favorite person in the whole world
Answer: And I love you!
In other words, reinterpreting it as a compliment but playing the same covert game on them.
Yeah, can work well.
Also, more one-uppy;
Power mover: I love X, he's my favorite person in the whole world
You: (with an exaggerated "love you so much, you SOOO nice" attitude you'd reserve when joking to a GF who said something so nice about you) Ohhhhh, you so good bro (no homo here though)
Could we use 'I m happy that you're happy' here or is that too strong
I think that response is good Transitioned. Although I would say "I'm glad that you're happy". That's definetely something a parent would say to a child.
The little change is personal preference, although I get the feeling that "happy" is somehow related to inmaturity/childish/emotional instability.
Will try your option, I think it's pretty good.
Yeah, also agree that "I'm happy that you're happy" can be a solid response.
Can also be very eagle-like flying higher.
As in they trying to push you down, and you totally ignore the nastiness instead and give a neutral or even positive response.
Haha I can't help laughing at the note "no homo here". But expanding that one can probably also say:
(As a guy) I'm flattered. If I were a girl I'd fall for you (feigning over the top response)
Well, less exaggeratively I would probably say something like:
Wow, how adorable that was coming from you!
The above is meant as a response with more covert phrases like "good person you are".
To me "how Italian you are" is just discriminative and definitely needs a more direct/assertive response.
