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"I'm busy" power move at work

#1 · July 16, 2020, 6:58 pm

Hello Lucio,

in your course, you provide a good example of how to handle the "I was busy" power move. At work, I am dealing with somebody pulling the "I'm busy" power move on me.

Context: it's a female nurse (yes, again), who:

is lazy.
is a complainer
does not want to obey me (for whatever reason, I don't care)
is one of the three who complained to my supervisor about me (supposedly because "She does not feel listened to")

Event: It's a night shift, so we are a small team. There is an ambulance coming to get a patient and this is not much work for the nurse. To do this, it takes max 5-10 min. But of course, she has to chat with them and waste time so she does not have to work more. As I see she's still talking with the ambulance team but she's not transmitting important information and is actually not doing anything. I ask her politely: "when you're available, can you help me with to give the laughing gas to a child to remove a foreign body in his foot?".

They've been waiting for a long time now and I feel bad for them. So I want them to get quickly the care they need (takes max 5-10min) so they can go home as it is about 2 am and they're very tired. So I ask her and she answers: "I'm busy with the ambulance right now". And later on she was hiding behind her computer and pretending to be busy just to make sure I don't ask her. So it is another nurse who finally helped me.

It's at least the 2nd time she pulls this power move on me. Last time I told her: "I'm available to see another patient" and she replied in a dry and abrupt manner: "well, not me."

So, she's a stupid girl who thinks she's so amazing because she's a nurse. This is all good.

My question is: how can I not get played?

Thank you!

#2 · July 17, 2020, 7:35 pm

Quote from Lucio Buffalmano on July 17, 2020, 7:35 pm
Hey John,
First off, these people are very difficult to deal with.
I have crossed paths with a few of them, and they are sometimes difficult even for experienced managers who have authority over them, let alone for those who are either new, or don't have direct authority over them.
They care little about people and the efficiency of the organization, and among their priorities is defending their little fiefdoms of power rather than getting things done or, God forbid, collaborating with others for mutual goals.
Sometimes act the way they do because they feel like they have strong safety nets, or because they feel like you are not going to do much about it.
They are not afraid of confrontation anyway because their life is full of (unneeded and petty) confrontations.
If there was a category of people I'd fire first from any job, it would be them.
But let's get down to dealing with them, now.
Escalate it - while framing them as lazy-
They win most of the times because few people have the courage to escalate it.
And it's understandable why.
Theirs is what I'd call "covert shirking".
They shirk their duty, but they make enough excuses that if you escalate it, they can still hide behind their cover and pretend that "no, they were busy doing this other thing, and you are stopping them from "doing their job".
Hence, it's understandable that people are afraid of escalating: it's easy to be framed as the one who's "wrong" and lose against their (often emotionally-charged) aggression.
My advice here might seem atypical, especially after what I've just described. And it's this: to fight it right away and escalate anyway.
If you look at it with a wider lens, after all, the choice is to either escalate it, or to die by a thousand little cuts.
Because the more she "wins", the more she will feel entitled to reject you. And the more she "wins", the more your social status will diminish. And so will your personal confidence.
Because of their (semi-)effective cover, you must escalate it well though.
You must escalate while making it obvious that they are not attending to their duties.
For example:
You: when you're available, can you help me to give the laughing gas to a child to remove a foreign body in his foot?
Her: I'm busy with the ambulance right now
You: Yeah, you've done a great job with that, thanks! (you give her a chance to save face and change her ways in a friendly way) It looks like the ambulance is pretty much done now
Her: No I'm still busy with them
You: Yeah, but there this other patient who has been waiting for a while now and needs our support. That's higher priority. Can you help me?
Her: (raise her voice) I told you I'm busy with the ambulance, can't you see? Please let me do my job
You must be ready for them getting emotional and worked up: that's their power tool.
Them getting emotional is their way of framing the interaction as you being out of line, pushing them around, and "stopping them from doing their job". The angrier or more emotional they get, the more out of line you feel.
You must not fall for that.
You: the ambulance job is done and there is a higher-priority kid with a thorn in his foot who is waiting there for a half an hour (frame it like your task is far more important, so she looks like the lazy shirker she is). Are you gonna help me with that, or are you refusing to help me?
That last part is where you make it look like it's either she helps, or she is relinquishing her duties.
And you also prepare your exit.
She will probably stick to her guns and you can't force her. But your job is done once you showed that you are not going to be pushed around by rudeness without calling it for it is: laziness and poor work ethics.
At that point, you depart with a last comment, for example:
You: great support, Jana, great support
And walk away angry looking for another nurse. That makes you look like a guy who is about getting work done, and the fact that you had to find someone else makes her look like a terrible person.
Be ready to fight... And lose -the battle, but no the war-
As you might have noticed, the above exchange might seem like a momentary loss.
Ultimately indeed, you must embrace that you might lose an escalation against them.
You might have to walk away with them not doing the job you require. Depending on the situation, that might be the most likely scenario, actually.
But here's the kicker: that's still far better than not escalating.
You draw a line in the sand: you might lose, but you're not afraid of standing up for what you see as proper behavior, and fair work.
Once you can accept that a loss is possible, and still an OK result, you will also be far more confident in handling similar situations.
The dangers of escalation: you might have to wait
Escalations can carry some dangers.
In your case, you are still new and you might not want to rock the boat too much.
You can make a mental note that as soon as you have a good reputation, a good relationship with your boss, and more power, you are going to escalate hard on her.
For now, you can either settle to minimizing your thousand cuts, or to smaller escalations.
For the former:
Avoid asking her
Ask her in a way that makes it easy for her to say no, so that you lose little social status (ie.: Jana, are you still busy with that?)
For the latter:
You: when you're available, can you help me to give the laughing gas to a child to remove a foreign body in his foot?
Her: I'm busy with the ambulance right now
You: Yeah, you've done a great job with that. It looks like the ambulance is pretty much done now
Her: No I'm still busy with them
You: it looks pretty done to me. It means I'll have to find someone else then. (dryly) Thanks!
Basically, you escalate, but just once. You eject far before she might go full crazy and cause a ruckus.
I'd advise for smaller escalations, which will also help you to get used to these types of individuals. And you will make some experience for once you'll have enough power to go full-on escalations.

Hey John,

First off, these people are very difficult to deal with.

I have crossed paths with a few of them, and they are sometimes difficult even for experienced managers who have authority over them, let alone for those who are either new, or don't have direct authority over them.

They care little about people and the efficiency of the organization, and among their priorities is defending their little fiefdoms of power rather than getting things done or, God forbid, collaborating with others for mutual goals.

Sometimes act the way they do because they feel like they have strong safety nets, or because they feel like you are not going to do much about it.
They are not afraid of confrontation anyway because their life is full of (unneeded and petty) confrontations.

If there was a category of people I'd fire first from any job, it would be them.
But let's get down to dealing with them, now.

Escalate it - while framing them as lazy-

They win most of the times because few people have the courage to escalate it.

And it's understandable why.
Theirs is what I'd call "covert shirking".

They shirk their duty, but they make enough excuses that if you escalate it, they can still hide behind their cover and pretend that "no, they were busy doing this other thing, and you are stopping them from "doing their job".

Hence, it's understandable that people are afraid of escalating: it's easy to be framed as the one who's "wrong" and lose against their (often emotionally-charged) aggression.

My advice here might seem atypical, especially after what I've just described. And it's this: to fight it right away and escalate anyway.
If you look at it with a wider lens, after all, the choice is to either escalate it, or to die by a thousand little cuts.

Because the more she "wins", the more she will feel entitled to reject you. And the more she "wins", the more your social status will diminish. And so will your personal confidence.

Because of their (semi-)effective cover, you must escalate it well though.
You must escalate while making it obvious that they are not attending to their duties.

For example:

You: when you're available, can you help me to give the laughing gas to a child to remove a foreign body in his foot?
Her: I'm busy with the ambulance right now
You: Yeah, you've done a great job with that, thanks! (you give her a chance to save face and change her ways in a friendly way) It looks like the ambulance is pretty much done now
Her: No I'm still busy with them
You: Yeah, but there this other patient who has been waiting for a while now and needs our support. That's higher priority. Can you help me?
Her: (raise her voice) I told you I'm busy with the ambulance, can't you see? Please let me do my job

You must be ready for them getting emotional and worked up: that's their power tool.

Them getting emotional is their way of framing the interaction as you being out of line, pushing them around, and "stopping them from doing their job". The angrier or more emotional they get, the more out of line you feel.
You must not fall for that.

You: the ambulance job is done and there is a higher-priority kid with a thorn in his foot who is waiting there for a half an hour (frame it like your task is far more important, so she looks like the lazy shirker she is). Are you gonna help me with that, or are you refusing to help me?

That last part is where you make it look like it's either she helps, or she is relinquishing her duties.
And you also prepare your exit.
She will probably stick to her guns and you can't force her. But your job is done once you showed that you are not going to be pushed around by rudeness without calling it for it is: laziness and poor work ethics.

At that point, you depart with a last comment, for example:

You: great support, Jana, great support

And walk away angry looking for another nurse. That makes you look like a guy who is about getting work done, and the fact that you had to find someone else makes her look like a terrible person.

Be ready to fight... And lose -the battle, but no the war-

As you might have noticed, the above exchange might seem like a momentary loss.

Ultimately indeed, you must embrace that you might lose an escalation against them.
You might have to walk away with them not doing the job you require. Depending on the situation, that might be the most likely scenario, actually.
But here's the kicker: that's still far better than not escalating.
You draw a line in the sand: you might lose, but you're not afraid of standing up for what you see as proper behavior, and fair work.

Once you can accept that a loss is possible, and still an OK result, you will also be far more confident in handling similar situations.

The dangers of escalation: you might have to wait

Escalations can carry some dangers.

In your case, you are still new and you might not want to rock the boat too much.
You can make a mental note that as soon as you have a good reputation, a good relationship with your boss, and more power, you are going to escalate hard on her.

For now, you can either settle to minimizing your thousand cuts, or to smaller escalations.

For the former:

Avoid asking her
Ask her in a way that makes it easy for her to say no, so that you lose little social status (ie.: Jana, are you still busy with that?)

For the latter:

You: when you're available, can you help me to give the laughing gas to a child to remove a foreign body in his foot?
Her: I'm busy with the ambulance right now
You: Yeah, you've done a great job with that. It looks like the ambulance is pretty much done now
Her: No I'm still busy with them
You: it looks pretty done to me. It means I'll have to find someone else then. (dryly) Thanks!

Basically, you escalate, but just once. You eject far before she might go full crazy and cause a ruckus.

I'd advise for smaller escalations, which will also help you to get used to these types of individuals. And you will make some experience for once you'll have enough power to go full-on escalations.

John Freeman and B have reacted to this post.

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#3 · July 18, 2020, 2:00 pm

This is golden. Thank you so much! Rock-solid analysis.

Yes, definitely. Just as you said in the other post I don't have the power to rock the boat. But I am getting slowly a reputation of a dependable hard-worker. So the best current strategy is to escalate it just once, as you proposed.

I do agree that they are the kind of people you don't want to have in your organization as they will be there forever because you cannot ever find something that they do badly enough to fire them. The definition of mediocrity.

Thank you very much once again, you removed a thorn in my foot! Now I have a framework to go to war with her.

My first idea was to wait until I accumulate enough credibility and wait for the one time where she will be much too lazy and make a huge mistake to strike her. But your 2nd strategy is more viable for the sake of the work and good care of patients. This is the priority. So small pressure on her again and again until she starts to think that if she evades her duties once more, I'll report her to her supervisor. That's the only thing that will scare her.