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"I'm the prize" power move: maneuvering seats makes him chase (pictorial)

We talked already about power moves that women use to make him chase and become the prize of the relationship.

But there can be so many of them that describing them all would be impossible.
That's why I always stress that it's more important for people to get the emotional and social intelligence that allows them to understand the general dynamics more than any specific situation.

But of course, the two aren't mutually exclusive, and the best way to grow emotional intelligence is through examples.
So yesterday when I saw this lady's power move I didn't resist taking a few pictures.
Yes, I was feeling a bit like a weirdo, but for you guys, it's worth it :D.

The "I'm the prize" power move

Quick background:

This was a group of 3 people, 2 guys, and one girl.
Possibly the guy met her while traveling with his friend, and then invited her along.

First, the two guys arrived and took a seat.

Then the taller guy left to go get the girl, and came back together.
This is how the story unfolded after that:

1. He invites her to sit on the empty seats ("You're my gal, follow my lead")

The guy arrives with the girl.
He probably wanted to monopolize her and smooch her, plus possibly making a point that she was his. So he invites her to sit on the three free seats, most likely with the plan of sitting next to her:

P.S.: I don't have the moment when he walks in with the girl and invites her to sit in the free row. But it was a clear hand gesture plus some verbal guidance.

Analysis:

This was a poor move from him to begin with.
"Leading" is not always good, if you lead poorly.

Why would you want to invite your girl to seat separately from your other friend? It shows you either care sooo much about her, or that you don't care about your friends.
Neither of them is good, and binning your values and losing sight of the overall social dynamics for the girl is bad leadership

Had this guy been my friend, I would have started plotting how to drop him at the very next destination.

2. She ignores it, and sits near his friend ("I'm my own gal, I do as I please")

Instead, she ignores his invite and goes to sit next to his friend:

relationship power dynamics

Analysis:

As small as it might seem, this is a strong indicator of where the power lies in this relationship. She snubs his invite and refuses his leadership with the greatest ease.

3. She locks in, he's left standing out in the cold ("You must chase to get my love")

Analysis:

This one tells me there is very little cooperation in this relationship.
It's not just about refusing his leadership, but she takes the only free seat without a care about him. And she does so after he had alrady left his friend alone to go pick her up and take her back.
This truly says "I'm the prize, and you... Well, who cares about you".

4. He becomes the "entertainer", seeking her attention ("Dance, monkey, dance")

As soon as he's left standing out, the higher effort position, he begins dong what most people clueless about power dynamics do: starts clamoring for attention.

So for the whole time he is dancing around the two, trying to get her attention, cracking jokes and generally trying to get some signs of love from her.

Analysis:

Here he should have taken a good look at his relationship.
He should have realized he is investing way too much in a girl who is not giving back anything. And not caring at all about him.
Sure, it's a circumscribed event, but this is symptomatic of the overall dynamics.
And this how it starts. 5 years later you're bringing the bacon home, taking the kid to football practice, go back home... And she complains the AC is too noisy and you should work harder to buy the latest model.

5. He chases her for a kiss ("Can we finally kiss?")

His mistakes are not done, yet.
Of course, if your heart and mindsets are in the wrong place, it's rarely about a single mistake, but it's a series of them.

So as soon as his friend got up, he sits next to her, turns and leans toward her far more than she leans towards him, and puts his arm around her for a kiss.
Sadly, I missed the juiciest moment: when she actually spurns him on his first kiss attempt. But take my word for it: it was a disheartening moment :).

man chases girlfriend for a kiss

Analysis:

He must have been happy for getting what he wanted: intimacy, a kiss and the "confirmation of her love".
Of course, the dynamics tell us he got the total opposite, instead.
Which is why I often stress that learning power dynamics is not only about power, but about balance, fairness, and cooperation as well.

Have you read the forum guidelines for effective communication already?

This is an inspiring post.
Great observations.

When she refused to sit where there was space for herself and her man that was a complete act of disrespect towards him: she does not care about him, she does not value him as a prize at all.
In her mind she is the fucking prize - so down the road she will indeed insist that monkey continue to dance for her.

I cant remember the film, but I saw it years ago before I’d re-educated myself about psychology/power-dynamics.
An older guy (uncle/dad) is advising a younger guy who is about to go on a date, he says ‘open her car door and let her in,’
Then he tells the youngster that when he walks around to the other side of the car to get in she should lean over and open his door for him.
If she does not ‘dump her there and then,’
I always remembered that story.

The guy in your photo could have dumped that girl the moment she refused to sit with him and left him standing.

Thanks for sharing, and I liked the photos.

A Bronx Tale is the movie 🙂

As someone making the conscious effort to understand dominance mechanics in the moment, likewise, this post was very interesting. In my personal experience, the biggest danger is not being aware that a game is being played in the first place, and simply running on autopilot. Part of my effort towards this end is to develop both situational and internal awareness to notice not only manipulation in progress, but the signs before it emerges.

In this case, I agree with our guest; the moment she escalated, I would escalate in turn, and leave her behind. I would freeze her out and immediately begin drawing other women into my frame, triangulating if at all possible. I would focus on greater, better things than the girl, such as my purpose, my pride and dignity, and other people more worthy of my attention.

This is why I say first become a Fortress; need her (and women in general) as little as possible, while growing your own ability to exert influence on them and the world around you. Stare your insecurities in the eye and do whatever it takes to overcome them. Get stronger, physically, mentally, socially, every way possible. Become self-sufficient. Find out why you 'fall in love', what hole you're looking for her to fill, and fill it yourself. For example, if you feel the need to be nurtured, spend some time nurturing yourself.

The more you cultivate value, the more social power you amass, and the more you can master your emotions and insecurities, the more cards you have in your hand - and the less power such games have upon you. And from a sturdy foundation of defense, you can go on the attack and seize the judge/prize role for yourself. Having been in the place where others desired you, and being detached from it, I know it is powerful indeed. From there, it can be shaped towards any end you desire.

Of course, I don't encourage manipulation for it's own sake - that is just petty and ultimately leads to misery. But it is important to be armed; the sexual marketplace can be a very ruthless place. Make no mistake, it is war - scaled down, perhaps, and behind the curtain of politeness, sure, but war all the same. And there will be those who try to break you. Do not let them. Win before the first shot is fired. Even if you want peace and cooperation. As the Romans would say: "If you want peace, prepare for war".

Absolutely guys, absolutely.

And I also remembered that scene, it also stuck with me.
Here it is by the way:

Sometimes the signs that tell you whether she is a taker or a collaborative gal can be very subtle.
Especially if you look solid, albeit that might seem counterintuitive. A girl might ask and task very directly and obviously with clueless guys but she might tiptoe and be on her best behavior if you look strong and she likes you.
But eventually, her true nature will come up as the relationship evolves and the power dynamics change.

I remember once eating with an ex girlfriend of mine.
It was the last piece of ravioli and she was still eating one while I was done. So theoretically, it should have been mine. But I still asked her if she wanted it.
Her reply? She nodded her head as if her taking the last one was the most natural thing in the world.

Again, it's a small thing, but at inverted roles, I would have said: "we share it".

Other important cues are:

  1. how she treats others
  2. her past relationships

If she was a bitch in the past and now she's a kitten with you, don't take pride on it too early: chances are she hasn't changed and it's very possible, if not likely, that she will be a bitch to you too when:

  1. The "butterfly phase" ends
  2. She will get more power and you'll lose some (commitment, marriage, you move in with her, etc.)
  3. You'll be down on your luck
  4. You stop providing something you were initially providing, for whatever reason (great sex, good lifestyle, fun, romance, advice, connections, etc.)

Once I dated a girl who willingly told me the story of how she broke up with her ex.
The ex drove her to her grandmother's place a couple of hours away. At the door, she turned around and said "I don't want to see you again, it's over".
No kidding, she knew she was going to break up but let him drive her for two hours and then go back by himself.

Sure she was very into me and I was in charge... At that time. But thinking that you can "control" a girl like into behaving properly forever is a fool's errand: you're far better off looking for a cooperative woman if you want to settle down.

The story also suggests that a great strategy to get to know women is to make them feel like there is truly no judgment from you whatsoever.

 

Have you read the forum guidelines for effective communication already?

the car door lock experiment is excellent theoretically, but it can give "false negative"; what if the girl is too excited to think about the door?

I heard another true story from a very old person. When he dated girls, while walking in the street, he walked through a puddle (their town had some bad roads and puddles). Usually, girls were pulling him away or even leaving his hand to go around the puddle separately from him. Then finally, he met the one who walked with him through the puddle without saying a word, holding his hand firmly. He checked it again, to be sure it was not by accident. When he realized that she just holds his hand and goes wherever he goes he decided to marry her the same day. And never regretted.