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Increasing SMV: Marketing the deeper layers

#1 · July 28, 2020, 6:34 am

Hello Lucio,

obviously we all want to increase our SMV, wether it's to get better short-term or long-term partners. So do I. As you know, I'm currently studying the "Dating" module of the PU course. I'm posting it here as I think this topic would be of interest also to non-customers of the course.

In the course, you recommend to prioritize in third position to market the deeper layers of our selves. This is new information to me as I thought naively that the work on my inner self would be my most precious asset. It might be but if I'm not displaying it, it is of no worth in attracting a mate.

So, I'm curious about your own strategy of displaying your inner qualities with the goal of attracting a mate?

Anyway, thanks for the great info in the course. It is enlightening.

#2 · July 28, 2020, 7:17 am

Quote from Lucio Buffalmano on July 28, 2020, 7:17 am
Hey John,
Yeah, the more superficial layers more often than not help more than the "deeper" ones, especially so for short-term dating and for getting your foot in the door.
And since your foot in the door is crucial, superficial layers are often more helpful even for long-term dating, especially outside of social circles (social circles allow you to show more of your "deeper layers").
I'm of the opinion that 15 minutes in the morning to iron your shirt will do more to your SMV than 30 minutes of exercising, 2 hours of meditation, and 5 hours of reading (unless you're learning power dynamics, maybe :)
It might be unpopular to say, but those who say otherwise are engaging in one of what I call "standard manipulations" and "self-manipulation", such as seeking to appear deeper than they really are and self-manipulating themselves into believing that their inner qualities will eventually get them what they want (but those people are actually the most superficial ones, and they don't even work that much on their inner self anyway).
That is NOT to say not to work on deeper levels, of course.
The levels intersect and overlap hugely anyway, and deeper levels take over eventually in the long run.
But it to say that one should take great care of superficial layers and potentially prioritize them when they are out seeking a mate.
Showing inner qualities by reflection
Girls with little deeper qualities
Depending on the situation, I might display little inner qualities at all if the girl is not able to appreciate them (ie.: has little inner qualities of her own).
With these girls, they just need to know you're smarter, more driven, and more socially skilled than they are. Jokes, humor, and a few mentions passing by about your work will be enough.
There is no point in increasing the distance between you and her by pumping yourself up more and more and it can become actively detrimental, for example highlighting how different you are and providing reasons of why you would not like her (makes you unattainable/unavailable).
Girls with deeper qualities
And if she is able to appreciate them, I might show them by reflection as I reward her and vibe with her.
For example, in the latest entry in my journal, when the girl used philosopher's frames or when she joked that she covered her mouth so I could see her nails, I pointed that out ("ahaha good one, you're such a power player, you know") and made jokes about her techniques and style of relating with people.
That's a way of indirectly showing your inner qualities while also complimenting her and vibing, which shows "chemistry between two people who are both at a high level of (certain) inner qualities".
Later, I even explained the "Philosopher's frame", because that girl could get it, and that took further increased my value by parading some deeper layers (intelligence, persuasion skills, social skills).
The "drunk power move": an opportunity for showing off more openly
BTW, being inebriated is a great pass for showing off deeper layers more obviously.
It feels like you normally wouldn't talk and show off too much, but now because you are a bit drunk, you are passionately talking about your plans for life, your drive of becoming the chief doctor or the hospital, or whatever. And if she can think "he is a bit drunk, but boy, does he have a lot to show off", then you're golden.
Or sometimes, you can nudge people to ask questions where you can show your drive and passion. The fact that they asked makes it seem natural and organic.

Hey John,

Yeah, the more superficial layers more often than not help more than the "deeper" ones, especially so for short-term dating and for getting your foot in the door.

And since your foot in the door is crucial, superficial layers are often more helpful even for long-term dating, especially outside of social circles (social circles allow you to show more of your "deeper layers").

I'm of the opinion that 15 minutes in the morning to iron your shirt will do more to your SMV than 30 minutes of exercising, 2 hours of meditation, and 5 hours of reading (unless you're learning power dynamics, maybe :)

It might be unpopular to say, but those who say otherwise are engaging in one of what I call "standard manipulations" and "self-manipulation", such as seeking to appear deeper than they really are and self-manipulating themselves into believing that their inner qualities will eventually get them what they want (but those people are actually the most superficial ones, and they don't even work that much on their inner self anyway).

That is NOT to say not to work on deeper levels, of course.
The levels intersect and overlap hugely anyway, and deeper levels take over eventually in the long run.
But it to say that one should take great care of superficial layers and potentially prioritize them when they are out seeking a mate.

Showing inner qualities by reflection

Girls with little deeper qualities

Depending on the situation, I might display little inner qualities at all if the girl is not able to appreciate them (ie.: has little inner qualities of her own).

With these girls, they just need to know you're smarter, more driven, and more socially skilled than they are. Jokes, humor, and a few mentions passing by about your work will be enough.
There is no point in increasing the distance between you and her by pumping yourself up more and more and it can become actively detrimental, for example highlighting how different you are and providing reasons of why you would not like her (makes you unattainable/unavailable).

Girls with deeper qualities

And if she is able to appreciate them, I might show them by reflection as I reward her and vibe with her.

For example, in the latest entry in my journal, when the girl used philosopher's frames or when she joked that she covered her mouth so I could see her nails, I pointed that out ("ahaha good one, you're such a power player, you know") and made jokes about her techniques and style of relating with people.
That's a way of indirectly showing your inner qualities while also complimenting her and vibing, which shows "chemistry between two people who are both at a high level of (certain) inner qualities".
Later, I even explained the "Philosopher's frame", because that girl could get it, and that took further increased my value by parading some deeper layers (intelligence, persuasion skills, social skills).

The "drunk power move": an opportunity for showing off more openly

BTW, being inebriated is a great pass for showing off deeper layers more obviously.

It feels like you normally wouldn't talk and show off too much, but now because you are a bit drunk, you are passionately talking about your plans for life, your drive of becoming the chief doctor or the hospital, or whatever. And if she can think "he is a bit drunk, but boy, does he have a lot to show off", then you're golden.

Or sometimes, you can nudge people to ask questions where you can show your drive and passion. The fact that they asked makes it seem natural and organic.

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#3 · July 29, 2020, 5:16 pm

Dude. I think that you writing a book is a must. You have integrated so much information from so many sources and have practiced it. Maybe something along the line of the book "Mate". I'm talking about the collaboration aspect: academic + practitioner. Not the topic.

All that to say that I'm sincerely impressed by the depth, sophistication and practicality of your knowledge. It shows that you are seeking mastery.

So, thank you for all the advice provided. This is very useful.

It might be unpopular to say, but those who say otherwise are engaging in one of what I call "standard manipulations" and "self-manipulation", such as seeking to appear deeper than they really are and self-manipulating themselves into believing that their inner qualities will eventually get them what they want (but those people are actually the most superficial ones, and they don't even work that much on their inner self anyway).

Example: this is the kind of thinking that is difficult to develop unless you challenge your own frame of reference and accept the pain of letting one's old thinking patterns "die". I noticed that few people have the courage to choose willingly to do this. One has to have a committed resolve to personal growth.