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Initiating
Hi everyone,
I have noticed in many social settings, I'm usually the one that takes the initiative to get to know someone, and got me wondering if taking the initiative to get to know someone by greeting them, and asking about them, trading numbers and contact details (I seem to always be the one that has to ask for contact details), low power and denotes chasing (I only feel this with other moderately social people and not the introverted ones), or does it mean I'm higher power because I have the option to exercise whether I want to engage with someone or not?
I have tried experimenting by not taking the initiative but it seems to backfire, hardly anyone takes the initiative to come and talk to me.
What are your thoughts on this?
Hello Connor,
High power gives you more choice and status. Low power removes choices and status. Also the one needing most the other is the one with the lowest power.
So it all depends why you exchange contacts and how you go about it I think.
If you have a good interaction, wants to meet the other person again and it feels like it's reciprocal, it's higher power.
If you you collect contacts for the sake of collecting contacts (guru advice) with people you have little in common, it's lower power I think.
If you're going to do something with it and it will develop into a win-win situation, then it's higher power.
How does it backfire? Can you give more context?
In any case I think it's wise not to wait on others to do things, do it yourself.
Hi guys
I'm curious to hear different opinions on this as well.
Like John, I believe the overall context of the interaction matters more than the particular instance of someone asking or not asking for contact info in this case.
On the one hand, people are often fearful of initiating interactions or asking for anything (including contact information) when they perceive the other person as higher status. Doing so usually means high odds of rejection. We feel that, if the other individual is indeed so much higher status than us, we're automatically in "value taking" position, and that it's obvious to her as well.
On the other hand, and for the same reasons, people also won't be terribly pressed to initiate or continue interactions with people they consider lower status.
Now, if you and the other person are around the same level, either of you can be expected to initiate or advance the interaction. That's why we don't usually say something like "hey, boss, add me on Facebook" even if she spent some time chatting with us, while at the same time it's perfectly normal to do so with colleagues.
In sum, we can't know, judging by this instance alone, where we stand in the status continuum.
In doubt, I also think it's best just to assume we're higher status/same level and take charge of advancing the interaction. If we're the leader of the pair, we'll have to do this anyway. If we are not the leader of the pair, then we are positioning ourselves as such. And if it's more of an equals' vibe, the other person will soon reciprocate.
I don't think it denotes chasing being the first to initiate/advance an interaction - it's usually such a small thing in the bigger picture that's also harmless. It's chasing if you continue doing this as the time progresses and you don't get anything back from the other person.
