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Instead of rejecting a compliment -> collaborative frame
Hello guys,
here is a mistake I did today:
Context: Male nurse and I joking about making a company with laxative in a chocolate.
Me: you’re the mastermind! (he had the idea)
Him: yeah but you have the doctor’s salary to fund it
Me (rejecting the “doctor have money” frame and the “you’re richer than me” frame): Yeah, well not yet (it’s true, most doctors are not rich)
What I did: as Lucio did in a post on this forum, he complimented me and I rejected the compliment. My reason is that I think it’s dangerous to fuel one’s ego and I’m cautious about valuing too much things and money. In the moment I was conscious what I was doing .
My mistake: I lost an opportunity to improve our (already good) relationship. I could have said: “yeah so we’ll be associates!”.
The lesson: use every opportunity to improve collaboration and use collaborative frames.
Caveat: this is not a manipulation. I like this guy. I just was too afraid of my own pride and I was too attached to my values. If I would have been more light-hearted I would have perceived it as an opportunity to build up our relationship.
Great point.
Another option, take the compliment while you push him back up at the same level -or even higher-.
So you keep on building on each other.
For example:
Him: yeah but you have the doctor’s salary to fund it
You: I'm the cash, you're the brain, that's the type of team that will take over the market
Brain is considered at least at the same level as money, if not more, so you'd accept the compliment, plus accompany him back up at the imaginative level, or even higher.
