Introduce people to one another or let them do it?

Quote from Lucio Buffalmano on January 30, 2021, 9:28 pm

Definitely +1 for the introduction.

It's win-win-win, and also very empowering for the person who introduces, for the reasons you mention.
Plus, people will often remember the introducer, and if the relationship is positive and value-adding, you also shine by reflection (more than once I've met some couples who honor and revere the one who introduced them).

And, finally, it enhances your reputation for someone who looks after another, which in turn also enhances your reputation for a good team-player / collaborator.

Quote from Matthew Whitewood on January 31, 2021, 5:24 am

I am on the same page that introductions are usually win-win-win if you can find common interests among the 2 people.
It is quite a good way of building social circles.
As Lucio mentions, people will view you as a facilitator, a great host, and also potentially a leader.

That being said, I have made some mistakes for introductions where I lose but, for the other 2 parties, it is a win-win.
In my case, I wanted to form a team of 3 people in the past for a project.
I introduced one person to the other.
They decided to kick me out of the project.
On hindsight, it may actually be a good thing for me as I may have dodged a bullet working with them.

Barring the occasional bad cases, in general, introductions have added value to my life and the life of the people around me.

Quote from John Freeman on January 31, 2021, 10:19 am

Thanks guys for your helpful answers! I think there is another question within the question:

What is your default behavior to introduce people to one another?

Do you say: "Person 1, this is person 2. Person 2, this is person 1"? 

I stopped doing it because I felt it was a bit babying, hence the thread. I also felt that I'm the guy who brings the cake, the games, the drinks and now I introduce people to one another. I felt like I was becoming socially way too powerful and that people could view me as a threat.

What do you think?

I think I'm also looking for a way to improve my way of introducing people to one another.

Quote from Matthew Whitewood on January 31, 2021, 12:21 pm

Do you say: "Person 1, this is person 2. Person 2, this is person 1"? 

I stopped doing it because I felt it was a bit babying, hence the thread.

I usually mention the common interests of the 2 people or something good about each person.

For example, let's say I am introducing Lucio and John

Me: Hey John, this is Lucio. He is an astounding entrepreneur and social scientist.
A leader in power dynamics.
He never fails to give the best advice in tough situations.

Hey Lucio, this is John.
John is a doctor with very high standards and always goes the extra mile for his patients.
He is also passionate about empowering childrens' lives.
He has insightful opinions on power dynamics as well!
Well that's a common topic, which I am also interested in.

If you can't think about anything on the spot, I always make an interesting comment on the environment to break the ice.
It's always a common topic because everyone is in the same house/place.

For example,

Me: Hey Lucio, meet John. John, meet Lucio.
What a fantastic setting for this party.
Really love the ambience.
Great food, you can see the sunset.

Usually, people will have something to say.
This will get the ball rolling.
Then you can orchestrate/facilitate the conversation a bit.
If you see them kicking off, you can leave.

Lastly, sometimes I give the context of my relationship with the other person.
How I meet them and so on.

Me: Hey John, meet Lucio.
I met Lucio on a forum.
I know that it may seem "strange" to meet someone on a forum.
Especially nowadays with all the flame wars and rubbish people spew.
But this forum is different.
Lucio really gave me solid advice on this forum.
On business partnerships, social situations, etc.

Hey Lucio, meet John.
John shared with me about the learner's mindset on the same forum.
What a coincidence!
Well now we have something in common.

Quote from Lucio Buffalmano on January 31, 2021, 2:23 pm

Rock on, Matthew, pretty much the same answer I was about to give :).

Yes, talking up the value that both people bring to the table is one of the best ways to introduce people.

OPEN EXCHANGE INTRODUCTION: THE "WHY" BEHIND THE INTRO

You can also mention the reason why you're introducing, or where it can go from there -especially useful in business settings-.

For example:

Matthew, this is Max, Max is a talented tech whizz and one of the few people tech whizzes with plenty of business savvy as well. Maybe you two can find out some synergies, and if not, it's still good to get to know one more cool guy

So now they can go straight to business talk and explore potential opportunities.

Can work also in socialization, for example saying they both share they same interest for hiking, sports, or whatever.

But you must be a bit more careful when you do it for dating, as that might turn awkward :).

Quote from Lucio Buffalmano on January 31, 2021, 2:27 pm

I have made some mistakes for introductions where I lose but, for the other 2 parties, it is a win-win.
In my case, I wanted to form a team of 3 people in the past for a project.
I introduced one person to the other.
They decided to kick me out of the project.

Definitely, there are some potential dangers and risks.

Some positive Machiavellian thinking helps to avoid intro that might disempower you.

Quote from John Freeman on January 31, 2021, 3:06 pm

Quote from Matthew Whitewood on January 31, 2021, 12:21 pm

I usually mention the common interests of the 2 people or something good about each person.

Thanks Matthew, I used to do that. However, as I said above the reason I'm not doing it anymore these days is that I'm afraid that I'm becoming too dominant and will attract resentment. What do you think?

Quote from Lucio Buffalmano on January 31, 2021, 2:23 pm

Rock on, Matthew, pretty much the same answer I was about to give :).

Yes, talking up the value that both people bring to the table is one of the best ways to introduce people.

OPEN EXCHANGE INTRODUCTION: THE "WHY" BEHIND THE INTRO

You can also mention the reason why you're introducing, or where it can go from there -especially useful in business settings-.

Thanks Lucio, I also used to do that. I stopped for the same reason as above. I have the same question. In my setting where I already put the group together and keep making people meet one another. I'm afraid to come across as too dominant. In the past, I was not as aware of power dynamics. I was introducing people properly because I'm happy if two people can enrich one another's live. It's still the case. However, now I'm re-reading it again through power dynamics and I'm afraid I would come across too much as THE leader. Too domineering and that I could attract bad juju.

So I have the skill to introduce people to one another, I did it many times in the past. I just stopped doing it in the past few weeks because I got more aware of power dynamics. That's why I was wondering:

1. Do it or not? I don't want people to feel like I'm babying them since I already put so many things together. That they feel like they're just being manipulated or led without much control.
2. Do it but how much? Lightly as I said or fully as you guys said. So you answered "fully". Ok but I'm afraid that if I do it "fully" (proper introduction), then it goes back to being "too much" the leader.

More precisely my question again (my fault, guys, I was not clear, you helped me refine my thinking):

In this context where I'm already quite a de facto leader, don't you think that increasing my social value like this could be a threat to my long-term stability in the group? 

Because at some point people could resent me for doing all this stuff and they might feel inferior.

What do you think guys?

There is an insecurity/emotional part in my question, I'm sure you can see it.

Quote from Lucio Buffalmano on February 1, 2021, 4:29 pm

Well, actually, it's a great question.

It goes back to the root question: when it's too much?
When is it too much dominance, when is it too much leadership?

You're definitely right, there is too much dominance/leadership, and there is also too much "marketing".

People who overdo the above introduction can easily come across as manipulative or insincere -I have in mind a perfect example from my former social circle of a guy who overdid it-.

It's difficult though to say what's too much via text, without example or case studies -and of course, without the context-.

But I think that as long as the intro is sincere, and does not remove power from the people you are introducing, then it's fine.
How do people feel disempowered?

• If you tell them what they "can" talk about
• If people feel like your introduction disempowers them to tell their own story
• If you introduce people who did not want to be introduced

As a matter of fact, that might be the perfect definition of an intro that is too much:

An intro is too much when it's about the introducer, more that the people being introduced, and when the people who are being introduced feel disempowered

Quote from John Freeman on February 1, 2021, 4:47 pm

Thank you very much for this elaborate answer. It does answer my question.

That was exactly my fear. That’s what I did wrong that when I went into this leadership fight with nasty social climber A. : I focused too much on power.

I was fighting for power so I think I might have came across as manipulative.

So introduction must be value-adding and not self-promoting or a power move.

It is about facilitating a connection.

Cheers!