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Introduction Power Dynamics: When People Get Your Name Wrong
Imagine this situation:
Him: "Hi, my name is Apichatpong"
You:"Nice to meet you Apikapon"
Him: "No, it's Apichatpong"
You: "Apikachu"
Him:"Apichatpong"
You:"Apikabong?"
Him: "A... pi.. chat... pong"
You:"A... picha.. bong?"
People asking you to repeat their name are either socially awkward... Or they're playing a power move.
If you were the one fixating on flawless pronunciation, here it is: knock it off, nobody cares about your name (and they shouldn't.. Yet).
And if you were the one bumbling their exotic name for 10 times in a row… Don't do that either.
Power Dynamics of Name's Pronunciations
When you spend a lot of effort trying to get their name right, you're jumping through their hoops.
People asking you to repeat their names are saying their name is important and, even though you just met (!) you should get it right.
That’s their hoop.
And by trying your hardest to pronounce their name correctly, you willingly accept the subordinate role.
And You don't want that. So let's see a few alternatives.
Be Nice and Give'em a Chance
If your conversation partner is friendly and warm you should be the same. And trying to get their name right is one way to convey your friendliness and warmth (also read "How to Win Friends and Influence People").
If they had good intentions they will correct you in a friendly way and, if they are socially attuned, will move on quickly whether you got it right or not.
Here's an example:
Him: "My name is Apichatpong"
You:"Nice to meet you Apikapon"
Him: (friendly, welcoming smile before repeating his name) "Apichatpong"
You: "Apikachu"
Him: (smiles) "close enough, it's a complicated one, and your name is.. ?
If they keep insisting on perfect pronunciation without giving anything back, you now have to even the scores and reclaim the lost social ground.
Have The Power Mover Repeat Your Name
You can do it by playing the exact same game on them.
First, you entice them to repeat your name by telling them it’s very nice meeting and repeating your name slowly, as if it's important for them to get it.
Then you correct them.
A bit like this:
Him: "Hi, nice to meet you, I'm Apichatpong"
You: "Nice to meet you Apikapon"
Him: "(No it's) Apichatpong"
You: "Oh, got it, nice to meet you man, I'm L-u-c-i-o!"
Him: Luzio
You: (No, it’s)... Lucio
At this point, you evened the scores and yuo have two options:
#1 Punish and move on or..
You can laugh and tell them you were kidding:
(...)
Him: Luzio
You: No, it’s... Lucio
Him: Lucio?
You: Ehehe I'm joking man, I don't care much about the name, nice meeting you, how do you know Marc here
This option highlights their previous social faux pas, but also communicates you were out to punish them. So only use it if the other person was rude or in bad faith.
#2 .. Move on
This option is friendlier and simply evens the scores without highlighting the mistake.
Most people will never realize what you've just done.
(...)
Him: Luzio
You: No, it’s... Lucio
Him: Luzio?
You: Yeah almost perfect, pleasure meeting you man! How you know Marc here
"yeah almost perfect, pleasure meeting you" is a form of rewarding their effort, then move on.
Don't repeat their names
Here's another simple technique: don’t jump through their hoops and don't repeat their names (36th law of power: ignore).
It goes like this:
Him:"my name is Apichatpong"
You: "Nice to meet you Apikachu"
Him: "No, it's Apichatpong"
You: “Nice to meet you (man), I’m Lucio”
Add "man" if you wanna highlight you don't appreciate the correction.
By steaming ahead with the greetings you communicate that you moved beyond the “getting your name right” and into the "getting to know each other".
Example
And here's a great example of how to act when someone wants you to follow their lead in an unfriendly manner:
I don't think it's fair, welcoming or warm in any way of her to correct Deniro and pretend he gets it right.
If Deniro had followed her lead, he would have subordinated himself to her.
Instead, he does exactly what a strong, socially skilled man would do: forge ahead.
Caring VS Following
Please note this is not rude. You are simply avoiding a dominant-dominated interaction and cutting to what really matters: the "getting to know you".
That's very considerate.
And it will be much more powerful and rewarding getting their correct name pronunciation later on, once they earned it. It's because after you know them better it's akin to saying "wow, you are a remarkable person, now I really want to get your name right" (similar to what Leil Lowndes suggests).
And if you're the one with the complex name, see now why you shouldn't insist with correct pronunciation? It's because asking is weak, making them want is powerful.
Bending Truth for Powerful First Impression
Notice here how you choose whether to "punish" or move independently of whether he gets your name right or not.
Indeed if you wanna punish you can just pretend they got it wrong: you own the correct pronunciation, not them.
And if you want to warmly move on, you can “force the compliment” even if they butcher your name by saying something like “almost perfect, it’s a difficult name and you got it the quickest. How do you know Marc man?”.
Name Pronunciation Power Dynamics: Summary
When someone asks you to repeat their names and you do so, you are complying.
Once or twice max is OK.
Do it a more though and you'll be slotting yourself in the follower role. Not the best strategy for a powerful first impression and hard slog climbing back from there.
To avoid digging your social grave don't repeat their name at all or repeat it once only and then demand spotless pronunciation for your name in exchange.
