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"Invest in me" games & dating power dynamics: why direct requests backfire (text example)
Dating can sometimes go very smoothly, and be a wonderful romance.
But some other times, dating can see men and women have conflicting interests.
Some examples include:
- The woman seeks long-term, the man not necessarily
- One partner seeks to inflate their SMV, and demand too much
- One partner believes they're higher SMV, but the other doesn't think so
Women who seek long term and are looking for a man to commit and provide play what I dubbed "invest in me" games.
This is one example:
This woman was probably looking for long term, which is OK.
But, on top of that, she was seeking to inflate her sexual market value and, indirectly, to deflate my SMV.
Women who ask for investment are trying to frame the interaction as the woman having more SMV than the man and the man having to "make up" for the difference with investment.
And that's why these games often backfire with cooler guys who see what's going on: why should any man willingly place himself lower than her?
That's only going to happen if he is indeed (much) lower than she is.
And that's why I generally discourage women from playing these games.
