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Is Deferring a Payment Always a Good Strategy to Maintain Leverage? Or Does It Signal Distrust in an Otherwise Good Relationship


Absolutely, approaching things and people lower power is something I do very often.

Also, after the fake time constraint, also this line becomes more suspicious:

Would you like to get the payment out of the way now/soon?

The frame was a persuasive attempt for a "yes".

Matthew Whitewood has reacted to this post.
Matthew Whitewood
Have you read the forum guidelines for effective communication already?

Yeah very suspicious, let me see how his service goes for the next few months :).

  • "I got your measure": the "lol, let's hope" sub-communicates "I saw your power move"
    • ... In a smooth way: it's friendly and low-power enough that it saves his face and power, and avoid escalations

It's a good middle ground between escalating / going assertive and totally pretending it didn't happen (just to make sure he doesn't think you're easy to manipulate).

Is "lol" important?
I suppose it kicks off the frame as humorous.
Takes the edge off.

"Let's hope" can work too but it's a bit too much on the serious side.

  • "I got leverage":

"I'm screwed" is a "joke by exaggeration" that shows the opposite.

You're not screwed in reality, so you sub-communicate: "I'll be fine either way, you need me as much as I need you"

I can see how this is different from the technique of agree & amplify.
Agree & amplify falls within the counterparty's frame.

Here it's not an agreement.
You set a new frame then amplify.

This new frame sidesteps the coach's implicit frame of

I set the deadline because I have what you need and hence leverage over you.

to your new frame of

I'll be fine either way, you need me as much as I need you

while using an exaggerating joking tone.