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Kaspian's Journal ~ Kill the boy and let the man be born

Firstly Big thanks to Lucio and the community here! I'm working my way through the course and already seeing some big improvements in my outlook and awareness of power moves occurring in my life. I see this as a key investment in my self development, my relationships and my mission in life. I want to get the most out of this course and felt to journal my progress to remain accountable and hopefully receive some valuable feedback on my unique challenges :))

I had a pretty good life so far.. I'm naturally charismatic, athletic and disciplined. I easily landed jobs, formed friends quickly and attracted women.. which was working pretty well for me up until the last 4 years. I fell in love with a powerful woman, she several years older than me, is high status, high quality and very dominant.. In many ways it's been a difficult relationship since she has taken the leading role and expects a lot from me, she is a teacher to me, a mentor and she pushes me to better myself constantly. She holds me to a very high standard and expects me to be a man..

The problem is, I'm not. I've always been naive, easily influenced and a pussy when it comes to confrontation. While she is always urging me to man up, I haven't had the tools or the theory on how to actually do that. So here I am.

The last year I have made a lot of progress in increasing my financial resources and the last 6 months I have revolutionised my sexual power as I believe this is a core component of feeling masculine and powerful. I practice Yoga and Tantra daily and can now make love all night long, offering an unlimited amount of pleasure to my lovers. (Happy to offer my knowledge on this for those who are interested)

Yes that's right.. My relationship with her is open and we both have other lovers.. This has also been a major source of tension as my other lover, who is much younger is also playing a lot of power games, which up until now I have been ill-equipped to deal with. This has led me to feeling like a puppy on two leashes and I constantly find myself in a weak position, making compromises and giving my power away.

I'm hoping that by sharing my tests here, I'll be able to position myself better and adopt a more powerful stance that will harmonise my relationships and ensure that I kill the Boy I have been and start to embody the traits and qualities of the Man I want to become. 

I look forward to sharing my Hero's journey with you.

Lucio Buffalmano has reacted to this post.
Lucio Buffalmano

Great to see you here, Kaspian!

It sounds like you're in an uncommon and extremely interesting situation power-dynamics wise, so I"m very curious to read more.

Kaspian: and can now make love all night long, offering an unlimited amount of pleasure to my lovers.

There is something on the power dynamics of great love-making in the dating section.
Positioning yourself as the provider of pleasure gives you power, in a way, but can also disempower you in another way, if you go overboard with it (but not going to spoil the whole thing now).

Kaspian: Happy to offer my knowledge on this for those who are interested

Definitely interested.
If you've accomplished that journey, even an article might be interesting if you're willing to write one.

Kaspian: I kill the Boy I have been and start to embody the traits and qualities of the Man I want to become.

One different point of view for you: rather than "killing", think of framing it as "evolving", or "growing into".
More on into Ultimate Power on framing self-development as either an act of war, or an act of self-love. Plus, there are some boysh qualities that be good to have in your repertoire when the situation calls for (like a sense of wonderment, pure joy, or letting go into play/dance).

Cheers man, sounds like you're rocking already!

Have you read the forum guidelines for effective communication already?
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