Left my closest friends social circle
Hey guys! love this forum :). Short introduction of me: I am born and live in sweden but have a foregin background (somewhere around middle east). I am currently a university student i my late 20s.
Today I (unoffically) left my closest social circle beacuse drama and indirect conflicts go too much around me. Most of the guys in the social cricle have I known since childhood and there have been joining a few other guys that is close to the (unoffical leader) of the group. So I left the group by leaving the whatsapp group we all stayed in touch togheter. Its a long story of what happend and so on. It started as a catalyst in beginning of 2020 where a close friend choose me as target for manipulate and nasty power moves (low value social climbing though). Also this group was forming as new with the few other guys at the same time. It was it this time I also started to learn about manipulators/narcissitic traits /value-takers /energy vampires. (Its a lot of one-upping and having "the judge frame", sometimes collaborative in this group.)
Fast-forward to Januari 2021 I started to speak my mind more, being more assertive and controlling the frame with value-takeing behaviour, drawing boundaries in this group (also was planing to not invest so much since my value giving where taken for granted).
So there has been som festering, not surfacing issues and talking behind back instead, when it has been surfaced and has not been taken well by the group? There seems to be more into indirect communication of situations in social circle around me as far as I got it.
So this week I got enough. So me and my childhood friends where suppose to have a mini reunion. When we arrive to my friends house. One of my friend was being suddenly cold towards me. I also felt something was of "Off" in the car with my two other friends that did a few uncalibrated aggressive push-pulls (they admire the unoffical group leaders that is able to do it very socially calibrated). When we arrived to our friends house, I tought me and him where cool with each other, but we where not (I guess its resentment about me throwing his other friend under the bus beacuse of her value-takeing behaviour, mini backstabb). So I know them from a while I could read by there body language, tonality, eye contact and position in the room, that there where gaslightning where I was the elephant in the room. But they made it up about something completel only different. The point was probably to leave a soon as possible and we to not continue the whole purpose of the actuall renioun.
I am not sure if they will contact me again for a long time (since I left the whatsapp group a few days later after our dysfunctional renioun). I dont want it to be strange between me and this circle even tough I have no plans for investing much in it. Should I contact them later or just leave it at that I left the whatsapp group?
Also want to add: Evreytime I tried with confrontational frame. It has backfired as being a huge deal as diffculty of takeing responsbility for their behaviour.
Hey Abundance,
Welcome here.
What would you do, and why?
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Hey Lucio,
Thank You 🙂
If they do not contact me after this, I whould send them a random quick messege privately, maybe after a month or near the spring. Beacuse to keep a good-will or take the edge of that I completely left "out of no where", so things are lightly between us and "no-hard feelings" as if we keep contact like old friends from the past, who spend less time togheter beacuse of different paths in life.
Well done @Abundance Consciousness... it takes courage to walk away from a social circle that is not benefitting you or your growth - it's no small thing... it's also true that closing one door creates a space for others to open, which they will in time... keep up the good work my friend!
Lucas
Yes, as Lucas says, if the social circle was not doing anything for you, then there is no point in staying in it -provided, of course, that you also didn't contribute to it, which is always something you need to consider first-.
On sending a last message, I wouldn't wait one month, which would feel strange, but send it right the day after.
"Cool seeing you guys, thanks for inviting, see you around", and that's it.
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Gratitude for your encouragement Lucas, its warming buddy.
I believe so too, opening space for others to open 🙂
Quote from Lucio Buffalmano on January 25, 2021, 9:38 pmYes, as Lucas says, if the social circle was not doing anything for you, then there is no point in staying in it -provided, of course, that you also didn't contribute to it, which is always something you need to consider first-.
On sending a last message, I wouldn't wait one month, which would feel strange, but send it right the day after.
"Cool seeing you guys, thanks for inviting, see you around", and that's it.
The social circle was cool to hang out with and have som laughs and drinks etc, going out for a resturant, plans for future travels. I did contributed with make fun things happen and much more. Though the indirect conflict got heavy beacuse I hit back.
Today, it dont know, feel strange to send a last messege to this social circle. I just have toughts about reach out in the future to keep it light.
If you feel uncomfortable sending a message right now, then absolutely, don't.
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Okay, got it. Thank you Lucio.