Quote from Stef on September 19, 2020, 5:46 am

Hello, have you though about commercializing something related to the medical field? so you can use your medical knowledge and authority as a doctor to be an entrepeneur?

And then you can travel around the world giving publicity to this new product, theraphy, technology...

Quote from Lucio Buffalmano on September 19, 2020, 7:02 am

This is a very deep question.

Let me start with 2 overviews:

1. The grass is always greener on the other side: a banal sentence, but often true, and worth remembering
2. If there is a better option, it depends on what types of attachment you prefer and develop

Let me quickly go into number two.

The emotional / sexual / certainty continuum

Imagine an emotional continuum where at the two extremes there are:

• Emotional Extreme 1 (emotional breadth): people who develop no emotional attachment
• Emotional Extreme 2 (emotional depth): people who develop strong emotional bonds

Now imagine a sexual continuum:

• Emotional Extreme 1 (womanizer type): seeks sex with new women, loses interest after one sexual encouter
• Emotional Extreme 2 (relationship type): has no interest in random sex, prefers relationships

There is an overlap between emotional and sexual continuum with womanizer being more breadth type of guys and relationship types being more depth type of guys. But they are not the same as shall see.

Now imagine one last scale for certainty:

• Certainty Extreme 1 (uncertitude): people who crave novelty & adventures, and grow restless with routines, organized structures, and social circles
• Certainty Extreme 2 (certitude): people who prever constancy and stability, and seek to build social circles, and status within those circles

When you are at the extremes, the choices are often easier.
In this case, if you are at an extreme for emotional breadth, uncertitude, and lover type, then the choice is easy.

First issue standing in the way of an easy choice is: few people sit at the extremes.
And even rarer, people who sit at the extremes of all these 3 scales (people very high in psychopathy tend to be very high in all since they cannot stick to things, develop no emotional bonds, and seek constant short-term gratificaion, of which sex is often one of them. Plus, they have to move because they burn their reputation :).

Second issue standing in the way of an easy choice is: some people can be high on both emotional depth, and sexual diversity. And most people need both certitude and uncertitude, with some people who can be high on both.

Case Study: Casanova

Casanova was an interesting case study for us: sky high in both emotional depth, sky high in lover type, and sky high in uncertitude.

He was falling in love all the times, but also seeking more and more partners. If you read his biography, it's not the lifestyle of someone who chose what was good for him, but more the biography of a madman driven by his emotional cravings.

But he was often in emotional pain and turmoil.
And of course, towards the end of his life, his regret is that he "never stopped". But he couldn't stop -at least not easily-, because he also craved uncertitude

Case study: Lucio B.

I've been both a settled man -at least for a few years in a row- and a nomad.

Also my family is an interesting case study, showing two rather extremes.
My brother is, with the same familial background, is happily married with 2 children, a dog, a cat (or two now, not sure), and he is SO in love with our native village. He's never been on a plane, never been outside of Italy, and rarely left the region, for that matter.
I also suspect that by the time he met his wife, his number of partners was deep into the single digits, and I strongly suspect that the wife was virgin (and good thing they also don't speak English :).

I lean more towards the uncertitude and cannot stand the social status climbing within small environments (see "big fish in a small pond syndrome").
So that pushed me more towards the nomad thing, plus lead me to do my own thing.

Pros & Cons VS Marketing

What I can also tell you is that lots of people selling the nomad lifestyle are, well... Selling.
The nomad is a lifestyle with pros and cons, like any other lifestyle.

Maybe one day I'll make a longer post and bear my heart a bit more, bust just to give you an idea, I can tell you as a type this: the idea of leaving Korea in around 10 days, after having spent here a couple of seasons here and having developed some routines with favorite restaurants and places, plus made good friends (including a very close friend), and a sort of semi-girlfriend/non-committed relationship... Well, the idea of leaving all of this makes me cry.

I also had to fight tears when I first went to study in a big city, when I left Vienna after I broke up with my ex, when I left to work in Eastern Europe (still remember looking at my dad from the bus, I knew it was a farewell for good), when I left Eastern Europe for Berlin and... You get the point.

BUT... I was also overjoyed whenever I left an environment that I felt had grown stale, or whenever I left a place where I had a great time but had no emotional connection, or whenever I arrive somewhere that is either amazingly beautiful, or that I wanted to visit.
And I love the feeling of moving through airports, of developing new relationships, and of being able to move in and out of different social circles.
Plus, waking up with an alarm, doing whatever I please and as I please without nobody telling me what to do. That's definitely part of my description of a dream lifestyle (but you can get this without being a nomad of course).

Pros and cons.

Is it a great life, overall, and on the net balance?
For me, I think so.
And so can be a more sedentary life.

The color of the grass

Since for most people there is no obviously easy choice, this leads to our initial "wisdom in the banality":

The grass is always greener for "those others".

Unless... Unless we learn to develop gratitude and joy.

Solution: mixing the two

The great news is:

As much as most people don't sit on the extremes of those continuums, your life doesn't need to be an extreme, either.

For example, I know plenty of people who have left higher-paying jobs for example to go into government jobs. Why? Cause they get 34 days of holiday, plus using the overtime as days off.
So they get to travel a lot, while still enjoying social circles and a "homebase" -the "feeling of home" is a good thing to have in life-.

Or, you could work normally, and take a gap year every now and then.
Or take a few months of gaps between jobs.

And if you go the nomadic style, you can always still have a homebase to get home to, where you can keep all your favorite toys and gadgets -or clothes-.

---

I wrote this quickly and I'll proofread later.
Let me know if it was helpful in any way.

 

 

 

 

Quote from Lucio Buffalmano on September 19, 2020, 7:19 am

To answer your questions:

1. How can I maneuver my life to be able to become an entrepreneur, considering my life situation? So that I can have Freedom in my life to be able to travel.

This is basically asking "how to become an entrepreneur", which opens a whole new cans of worm.

But, as per asnwer before, consider that you can have plenty of freedom and travels and adventures also with a more regular career.

2. Can a guy from India have dating success in a developed country like Germany ? ( I am not black/brown. I have a tanned skin, athletic body and am 5'7)

Warning before I answer:

Nationality / skin color is only one trait among many others, and there are many more traits that matter far more.

As a rule of thumb, foreign and Indian nationality can count (slightly) more against, than in favor.

Between us, it's good that you're more on the fairer side, since there is some stereotype against Indian / Pakistani.

If you have a strong Indian accent, you might also considering purging that out, and you'll gain one more step towards being positively exotic, instead of being branded with some BS stereotype.

All being said, you can have all dating success you want in Germany.

3. Which dating product (technique wise) would you recommend for Cold Approaching during daytime ?

There are a few good products, and I also think there is enoguh free YouTube videos to learn from a few of which -few, unluckily-, also show you the bad interactions and blow-outs.

But I'd recommend to learn from someone in person, maybe even hiring a coach, than going through a product.
That person should have experience in your location, and ideally be of your same background.

That's better than a product, since products have two issues in my opinion:

1. They only show you the best approaches, and you get a very skewed idea on what it takes to be successful
2. They're not tailored to the person, and sexual marketplace. Yes, girls are girls everywhere, but there is more than enough variance to call for very different approaches depending on who you are, as well as where you are -I've experienced this first hand-

Quote from DM on September 19, 2020, 10:08 am

Quote from Lucio Buffalmano on September 19, 2020, 7:02 am

This is a very deep question.

Let me start with 2 overviews:

1. The grass is always greener on the other side: a banal sentence, but often true, and worth remembering
2. If there is a better option, it depends on what types of attachment you prefer and develop

Let me quickly go into number two.

The emotional / sexual / certainty continuum

Imagine an emotional continuum where at the two extremes there are:

• Emotional Extreme 1 (emotional breadth): people who develop no emotional attachment
• Emotional Extreme 2 (emotional depth): people who develop strong emotional bonds

Now imagine a sexual continuum:

• Emotional Extreme 1 (womanizer type): seeks sex with new women, loses interest after one sexual encouter
• Emotional Extreme 2 (relationship type): has no interest in random sex, prefers relationships

There is an overlap between emotional and sexual continuum with womanizer being more breadth type of guys and relationship types being more depth type of guys. But they are not the same as shall see.

Now imagine one last scale for certainty:

• Certainty Extreme 1 (uncertitude): people who crave novelty & adventures, and grow restless with routines, organized structures, and social circles
• Certainty Extreme 2 (certitude): people who prever constancy and stability, and seek to build social circles, and status within those circles

When you are at the extremes, the choices are often easier.
In this case, if you are at an extreme for emotional breadth, uncertitude, and lover type, then the choice is easy.

First issue standing in the way of an easy choice is: few people sit at the extremes.
And even rarer, people who sit at the extremes of all these 3 scales (people very high in psychopathy tend to be very high in all since they cannot stick to things, develop no emotional bonds, and seek constant short-term gratificaion, of which sex is often one of them. Plus, they have to move because they burn their reputation :).

Second issue standing in the way of an easy choice is: some people can be high on both emotional depth, and sexual diversity. And most people need both certitude and uncertitude, with some people who can be high on both.

Case Study: Casanova

Casanova was an interesting case study for us: sky high in both emotional depth, sky high in lover type, and sky high in uncertitude.

He was falling in love all the times, but also seeking more and more partners. If you read his biography, it's not the lifestyle of someone who chose what was good for him, but more the biography of a madman driven by his emotional cravings.

But he was often in emotional pain and turmoil.
And of course, towards the end of his life, his regret is that he "never stopped". But he couldn't stop -at least not easily-, because he also craved uncertitude

Case study: Lucio B.

I've been both a settled man -at least for a few years in a row- and a nomad.

Also my family is an interesting case study, showing two rather extremes.
My brother is, with the same familial background, is happily married with 2 children, a dog, a cat (or two now, not sure), and he is SO in love with our native village. He's never been on a plane, never been outside of Italy, and rarely left the region, for that matter.
I also suspect that by the time he met his wife, his number of partners was deep into the single digits, and I strongly suspect that the wife was virgin (and good thing they also don't speak English :).

I lean more towards the uncertitude and cannot stand the social status climbing within small environments (see "big fish in a small pond syndrome").
So that pushed me more towards the nomad thing, plus lead me to do my own thing.

Pros & Cons VS Marketing

What I can also tell you is that lots of people people selling the nomad lifestyle are, well... Selling.
The nomad is a lifestyle with pros and cons, like any other lifestyle.

Maybe one day I'll make a longer post and bear my heart a bit more, bust just to give you an idea, I can tell you as a type this: the idea of leaving Korea in around 10 days, after having spent here a couple of seasons here and having developed some routines with favorite restaurants and places, plus made good friends (including a very close friend), and a sort of semi-girlfriend/non-committed relationship... Well, the idea of leaving all of this makes me cry.

I also had to fight tears when I first went to study in a big city, when I left Vienna after I broke up with my ex, when I left to work in Eastern Europe (still remember looking at my dad from the bus, I knew it was a farewell for good), when I left Eastern Europe for Berlin and... You get the point.

BUT... I was also overjoyed whenever I left an environment that I felt had grown stale, or whenever I left a place where I had a geat time but had not emotoinal connectison, or whenever I arrive somewhere that is either amazingly beautiful, or that I wanted to visit.

The color of the grass

Since for most people there is no obviously easy choice, this leads to our initial "wisdom in the banality":

The grass is always greener for "those others".

Unless... Unless we learn to develop gratitude and joy for the lifestyle we've got.

Solution: mixing the two

The great news is:

You don't have to be an extreme.

For example, I know plenty of people who have left higher-paying jobs for example to go into government jobs. Why? Cause they get 34 days of holiday, plus using the overtime as days off.
So they get to travel a lot, while still enjoying social circles and a "homebase" -the "feeling of home" is a good thing to have in life-.

Or, you could work normally, and take a gap year every now and then.
Or take a few months of gaps between jobs.

And if you go the nomadic style, you can always still have a homebase to get home to, where you can keep all your favorite toys and gadgets -or clothes-.

---

I wrote this quickly and I'll proofread later.
Let me know if it was helpful in any way.

 

 

Wow ! That's a very deep answer. Personally I think I relate more towards "Certainty Extreme 1 (uncertitude)".

Quote from Lucio Buffalmano on September 19, 2020, 7:19 am

To answer your questions:

1. How can I maneuver my life to be able to become an entrepreneur, considering my life situation? So that I can have Freedom in my life to be able to travel.

This is basically asking "how to become an entrepreneur", which opens a whole new cans of worm.

But, as per asnwer before, consider that you can have plenty of freedom and travels and adventures also with a more regular career.

2. Can a guy from India have dating success in a developed country like Germany ? ( I am not black/brown. I have a tanned skin, athletic body and am 5'7)

Warning before I answer:

Nationality / skin color is only one trait among many others, and there are many more traits that matter far more.

As a rule of thumb, foreign and Indian nationality can count (slightly) more against, than in favor.

Between us, it's good that you're more on the fairer side, since there is some stereotype against Indian / Pakistani.

If you have a strong Indian accent, you might also considering purging that out, and you'll gain one more step towards being positively exotic, instead of being branded with some BS stereotype.

All being said, you can have all dating success you want in Germany.

3. Which dating product (technique wise) would you recommend for Cold Approaching during daytime ?

There are a few good products, and I also think there is enoguh free YouTube videos to learn from a few of which -few, unluckily-, also show you the bad interactions and blow-outs.

But I'd recommend to learn from someone in person, maybe even hiring a coach, than going through a product.
That person should have experience in your location, and ideally be of your same background.

That's better than a product, since products have two issues in my opinion:

1. They only show you the best approaches, and you get a very skewed idea on what it takes to be successful
2. They're not tailored to the person, and sexual marketplace. Yes, girls are girls everywhere, but there is more than enough variance to call for very different approaches depending on who you are, as well as where you are -I've experienced this first hand-

Thanks Lucio for the answers. I got what I wanted.
Cheers

Quote from John Freeman on September 19, 2020, 1:41 pm

To expand on Lucio's excellent answer (as usual), here is an article you might like DM:

The four stages of Life by Mark Manson

Quote from Lucio Buffalmano on September 19, 2020, 5:37 pm

Didn't read it word for word, but for the bits I've read... I love that article!

And it made me think of another risk of these scenarios: that DG might abandon a hard-earned degree and potentially good career, to chase what's a phase-2 awakening that might not last too long.

 

Quote from John Freeman on September 19, 2020, 6:43 pm

Yes, I see you perspective. Here is mine: DM, you actually did not even have had the phase 2. You did not explore, therefore you did not commit to something of your choice.

I work in this field and if you don't like your job, your life will be miserable because you will have most of the downsides without the upside. Medicine without passion is not worth it in my opinion. Doing something 12-15 hours a day to please your parents or somebody else is not worth it. It took me a long time to find what I want to do and I recommend to anyone to keep looking for what you want to do until you find it. The "how" is important. Basically, you expose yourself to different jobs until you find one you want to be great at. One where you feel like you want to contribute.

It took me a long time to find something I was willing to commit to. But my satisfaction in my job is so much better now that I think the exploration is worth it.

DM: your number 1 value is freedom and it's all good. But what will you be contributing to? What will you do that you fellow human beings will compensate you for your service? That is the question I think you will have to answer.

Quote from DM on September 19, 2020, 7:08 pm

Quote from Lucio Buffalmano on September 19, 2020, 5:37 pm

Didn't read it word for word, but for the bits I've read... I love that article!

And it made me think of another risk of these scenarios: that DG might abandon a hard-earned degree and potentially good career, to chase what's a phase-2 awakening that might not last too long.

 

@lucio-buffalmano , yea you are right. I have been wrestling with this idea to abandon for the past 2 months. Until I read your reply , I was leaning more to that idea.

 

Quote from John Freeman on September 19, 2020, 6:43 pm

Yes, I see you perspective. Here is mine: DM, you actually did not even have had the phase 2. You did not explore, therefore you did not commit to something of your choice.

I work in this field and if you don't like your job, your life will be miserable because you will have most of the downsides without the upside. Medicine without passion is not worth it in my opinion. Doing something 12-15 hours a day to please your parents or somebody else is not worth it. It took me a long time to find what I want to do and I recommend to anyone to keep looking for what you want to do until you find it. The "how" is important. Basically, you expose yourself to different jobs until you find one you want to be great at. One where you feel like you want to contribute.

It took me a long time to find something I was willing to commit to. But my satisfaction in my job is so much better now that I think the exploration is worth it.

DM: your number 1 value is freedom and it's all good. But what will you be contributing to? What will you do that you fellow human beings will compensate you for your service? That is the question I think you will have to answer.

Yea you are right , I didnt have Phase 2 . My parents are very academic and they are so much focused on rat race and reputation. Somehow I am an outlier .
I can relate to what you have told about the work hours. I personally work nowadays for 6-8 hours.

I don't have answers to the questions you have put forward at this stage of my life.

Quote from John Freeman on September 19, 2020, 7:38 pm

That’s the only advice I have for people that I keep giving: until you have found to what you want your life to be useful to, you have not found your life’s meaning.

And meaning is a very important part of one’s fulfillment once your basic needs are fulfilled.

To me, that is what I’m building my life on. Now that I have that, I can find my friends and love partner(s) and where to live. The material side is the least important for me. Purpose, relationships and experiences make us happy I think.

You’re on the right track. The only way you can fail is if you stop looking for your purpose, if you give up. Otherwise it’s a process and you will win in the end. Congrats for your courage to admitting to yourself (and to us) that you don’t want to do that. It’s a huge step most people don’t take.