Low Confidence/Can't stand up for myself

#1 · May 25, 2023, 8:02 pm

Hey, I've recently had a problem where I've been unable to re-empower myself when I get disempowered. Like I get disempowered and I feel it, and can't re-empower myself. I become "lower power" compared to them and that crystalizes mentally for me. This can apply to anyone and so I can be disempowered by any random person or someone I just recently met. This makes me more timid when it comes to things like speaking up for what I want, pushing back when being disempowered, and general feelings of being "low power".

I feel "low power" often and I'm not sure how to get out of it. Do you guys have any advice/mindsets/tips etc to get out of this?

#2 · May 25, 2023, 10:52 pm

Hi Zathrian,

I believe we need a specific example/case to be able to address this; as it is, the question feels a bit too wide and abstract.

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#3 · May 25, 2023, 11:15 pm

Quote from Bel on May 25, 2023, 10:52 pm

Hi Zathrian,

I believe we need a specific example/case to be able to address this; as it is, the question feels a bit too wide and abstract.

For instance if I was speaking and someone interrupted me, I would have trouble speaking over them or telling them not to later. If someone told me that I was weird or something I'd instantly feel a loss and power and see myself as below them whether it was warranted or not.

I also speak a lot more quietly than I used to before. I feel unconfident with speaking loudly and physically feel a bit of fear from that and now my voice is soft.

#4 · May 25, 2023, 11:23 pm

My first gut reaction to this if were in person would be:

Just do it.

There's nothing stopping you and no magic mantra, you just gotta do it.

Suck at it, and do it anyway.

Sucking it at trying to push through and finish your sentence even though nobody replies or pays attention is still a huge win.

But that approach works better in person or in video where one can better transmit that vibe of: "you got it, stop being your own stumbling block".

I'll think about this one a bit.

And I'll gladly read what others may say if anyone has a different angle on this.

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#5 · May 25, 2023, 11:32 pm

Quote from Zathrian on May 25, 2023, 11:15 pm

Quote from Bel on May 25, 2023, 10:52 pm

Hi Zathrian,

I believe we need a specific example/case to be able to address this; as it is, the question feels a bit too wide and abstract.

For instance if I was speaking and someone interrupted me, I would have trouble speaking over them or telling them not to later. If someone told me that I was weird or something I'd instantly feel a loss and power and see myself as below them whether it was warranted or not.

I also speak a lot more quietly than I used to before. I feel unconfident with speaking loudly and physically feel a bit of fear from that and now my voice is soft.

Lucio's answer to "just do it" is golden.

Throwing some ideas out there as to the possible cause, to see if there is anything that sticks, based on the assumption that this is a change from a different past behavior you used to have:

may be a period of adjustment from former overdominance;
may be that a dark triad has entered your life and is bullying you covertly (if this is the case, you need to recognize who he is and adopt countermeasures);
may be that you are being stressed by some challenge and this is showing in this area of your life;
or it may be just that you are growing in some other area. When this happens, it is typical for "global confidence" to temporarily reduce in other areas, but it usually comes back stronger, as there is a cumulative growth effect.

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#6 · May 26, 2023, 8:36 am

Still think the "just do it" is a fair approach.

As it's the question:

What's exctly is holding you back?

Think about that deeply, and you may found that the most obvious and logical answer is: nothing real.

Also:

Consider role playing
Consider coaching / accountability coaching

If PU's current launch offer is too pricey, find someone cheaper and you could potentially instruct him to behave rudely as you train to enforce your boundaries, defend your speaking time, call our power moves, etc. etc.

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#7 · May 26, 2023, 9:47 am

“just do it” seems the way to go

In his book “the confidence gap” the author says:

- The actions of confidence come first; the feelings of confidence come later.

You can ease into it, you don’t need to respond to every situation.

even starting with the body language.

Someone is disrespecting you? Raise your eyebrows signifying what the fuck was that.

Someone is making fun of you? make a tight smile Signifying that you are not buying that.

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