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Making fun of my age: Power Move
Hello TPM community,
in my group of friends, they commonly joke about my age. I'm 43 very soon and they're 33-36 years old. So they would joke that I have hemorroids and other nasty things like that. I have to defend as it already crystallized too much.
I had the idea of a self-defense:
Him: [makes a joke about me being old]
Me: what is this youngism? ("jeunisme", french expression: means discrimination towards old people)
And stay with it. That is say that they're nasty for making fun of my age. And keep a strong frame. They're leftists so of course they pride themselves of being open-minded. So that could hit a string.
Him: [makes a joke about me being old]
Me: don't be jealous of my wisdom. It will come with time, boy.
This is the same frame reversal than what Nixon said when accused of being old: "I am not going to exploit, for political purposes, my opponent's youth and inexperience." Such a boom answer.
Him: [makes a joke about me being old]
Me: what is it boy?
Or this one but it is still entering their frame. I could use a philosopher's frame:
Him: [makes a joke about me being old]
Me: I don't think age is important. It's about the person you are.
But this the tone is too serious.
Or the stock answer proposed by Bel to micro-aggressions:
Him: [makes a joke about me being old]
Me: You're funny.
If you guys have any feed-back on this, I'm all ears.
Cheers John.
I think you could talk with them privately, since they're leftist using frames commonly used by the left/related to leftist ideas could be good. Basically using virtue signaling to ones advantage.
About the responses I think they may be good to check the power move on the spot, but still I get the "feel" that they aren't enough. Plus with the responses you've wrote you follow the frame that it's funny/acceptable to joke about your age.
Personally I would surface those jokes, since I wouldn't appreciate them:
-What's so funny about getting older? You talk as if you didn't age too.
That's how I would handle it.
Cheers.
Thank you Power Duck!
I think you're on the money. The only caveat is that I don't want to risk to be framed as being too "sensitive". That's why I try to stay in the humour. But yeah, maybe it's time for me to demand respect. As Bel said, to take the risk to overreact but at least defend myself.
I could say: "you're making fun of my age but I don't make fun of your [insert flaw]..." but it's a bit weak and turkey-like.
I'll think about what you wrote. It's outside of my comfort zone but it's helpful thanks.
Your welcome man 🙂.
Just a thing to add here:
The only caveat is that I don't want to risk to be framed as being too "sensitive".
I think that it's inevitable, if they are low quality it's very likely that they will frame you as sensitive as soon as you demand respect.
As Bel said, to take the risk to overreact but at least defend myself.
100 agree🙂, although I would say that in certain cases whether or not one is overreacting is about one's boundaries. If a cool, trustworthy guy demanded fair treatment from his friends, would that be overreacting? I don't think so.
That's what I think about it.
P.S:
Forgot to add if you see any disempowering frames/power moves in my response feel free to post about it.
Thank you for your answer, Power Duck I'm going to think about it.
Something I noticed is that making fun of my age is a way to ostracize me: "you're different from us and that difference is age".
Hi John,
It's difficult to say without knowing the jokes they usually go for.
If you wish to share the lines, that could help in thinking about a response.
Hello Bel,
thank you for your answer. You're right. I don't remember the exact wording so I'll come back to this thread the next time they make fun of me.
Quote from John Freeman on September 20, 2023, 7:41 amThank you for your answer, Power Duck I'm going to think about it.
Something I noticed is that making fun of my age is a way to ostracize me: "you're different from us and that difference is age".
Yes, it definitely has an ostracization effect/risk.
That's why one must be careful with addressing it directly (without solving it in one go) since it can have thread-expanding effects.
Not saying one cannot address it directly.
As a matter of fact, it can be very effective.
But it's better to do it in a resolute manner that ends it there.
Thank you Lucio, I'll keep that in mind and keep you guys updated.
I also think it's a shame attack as in "old is bad, young is good -> you're bad".
So I would say it's a shame attack + social climbing + ostracization (in this case). Could be wrong of course.
In this group, I defended from:
- Being called "kitten" from a guy who says that to everyone
- Being called "Jojo"
- Being told "John's pussy"
Also I ostracized someone (rightly so).
So I'm afraid that I would be labeled the "over-sensitive guy who takes himself too seriously". But if I have this fear, maybe this is not the right group for me.
