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Mindset about lack of reaction in social settings

#1 · January 4, 2024, 7:03 pm

Quote from Gguwad on January 4, 2024, 7:03 pm
In social settings mainly, often you are not in a social setting or a group that is positive or caring for you, so they are not concerned to you, and if you say something is that is not relatable, or doesn't fit, they will simply not keep interacting, maybe change the topic, maybe just ignore it.
And while I have some workaround, like do something with a goal, if you ask question your goal is to get an information, what they reaction is, you can ignore, because that's not your objective. Or maybe they are wondering about some topic you have good knowledge of, that's also an easy thing, you can just share your knowledge and whether they agree or disagree, you can discuss about it.
But sometimes it's harder, for example people with different interests, or talking about things you have not big idea about, or sometimes you just want to share something and it falls flat, such situations as networking, when those are not people you know well or have the same interests but it would be good to know them regardless.
Trying to share something and connect with them or just making a joke and it just doesn't achieve the results, what is a good mindset in such situations, of course not everything you will say will be heard, yet it seems some people are being listened to and answered far more than others, I am unsure where does it truly come from, maybe a confident voice, maybe the way they proclaim what they are saying or simply a big experience and knowledge how to talk to engage others.
If you say something and they ignore you, or really not get what you meant, what to do then?
The best I have thought of is to force yourself to be less dependent on other's response, when you talk, do it less in questioning or uncertain tone, but do it in a certain and confident tone, if they ignore you; you said what you wanted, it's not bad that they have nothing to say in response or choose not to, so it's essentially just behave as if it doesn't matter whether you get a response or not, and because it doesn't matter if you get response or not you should talk in a more affirming manner and rather take the response as an extra, rather than something to be expected.
What's your mindset to dealing with such scenarios? Feel free to share it.

In social settings mainly, often you are not in a social setting or a group that is positive or caring for you, so they are not concerned to you, and if you say something is that is not relatable, or doesn't fit, they will simply not keep interacting, maybe change the topic, maybe just ignore it.

And while I have some workaround, like do something with a goal, if you ask question your goal is to get an information, what they reaction is, you can ignore, because that's not your objective. Or maybe they are wondering about some topic you have good knowledge of, that's also an easy thing, you can just share your knowledge and whether they agree or disagree, you can discuss about it.

But sometimes it's harder, for example people with different interests, or talking about things you have not big idea about, or sometimes you just want to share something and it falls flat, such situations as networking, when those are not people you know well or have the same interests but it would be good to know them regardless.

Trying to share something and connect with them or just making a joke and it just doesn't achieve the results, what is a good mindset in such situations, of course not everything you will say will be heard, yet it seems some people are being listened to and answered far more than others, I am unsure where does it truly come from, maybe a confident voice, maybe the way they proclaim what they are saying or simply a big experience and knowledge how to talk to engage others.
If you say something and they ignore you, or really not get what you meant, what to do then?

The best I have thought of is to force yourself to be less dependent on other's response, when you talk, do it less in questioning or uncertain tone, but do it in a certain and confident tone, if they ignore you; you said what you wanted, it's not bad that they have nothing to say in response or choose not to, so it's essentially just behave as if it doesn't matter whether you get a response or not, and because it doesn't matter if you get response or not you should talk in a more affirming manner and rather take the response as an extra, rather than something to be expected.

What's your mindset to dealing with such scenarios? Feel free to share it.

Power Duck has reacted to this post.

#2 · January 4, 2024, 8:21 pm

Cheers DGX37.

Personally I think similarly to you,

of course not everything you will say will be heard, yet it seems some people are being listened to and answered far more than others, I am unsure where does it truly come from, maybe a confident voice, maybe the way they proclaim what they are saying or simply a big experience and knowledge how to talk to engage others.

I believe this comes depending to ones status in a group (as well as the things you mention since we know that influences ones status). Personally I've experienced been looked at in a group setting as soon as I say a word and I didnt say anything interesting, while other times it's really obvious that Ive been ignored and I was saying something important and related to the matter at hand.

Other times people might ignore others because they said something uncomfortable for them, of course there can be many reasons.

Overall, as you do mention, to voice ones concerns confidently. I do believe that if one is still being obviously ignored without receiving any kind of feedback, I would either keep the info to me if I have to be around those individuals or I would socialise with those individuals way less.

Gguwad has reacted to this post.

#3 · January 5, 2024, 5:08 pm

Quote from Gguwad on January 5, 2024, 5:08 pm
Quote from Power Duck on January 4, 2024, 8:21 pm
I believe this comes depending to ones status in a group (as well as the things you mention since we know that influences ones status). Personally I've experienced been looked at in a group setting as soon as I say a word and I didnt say anything interesting, while other times it's really obvious that Ive been ignored and I was saying something important and related to the matter at hand.
Thanks for an answer, it's a good point too, it's very likely that when coming to a new setting or a social group they are less willing to reward you for you input, even unconsciously by knowing that respect has to be earned. In a way to retain a high ground over someone new, younger, inexperienced, in short, people will prefer to keep any advantage they can and they won't be fast in giving it away by treating you the same as a long standing member of a group.
Quote from Power Duck on January 4, 2024, 8:21 pm
Overall, as you do mention, to voice ones concerns confidently. I do believe that if one is still being obviously ignored without receiving any kind of feedback, I would either keep the info to me if I have to be around those individuals or I would socialise with those individuals way less.
Here I would partially agree, if they are obviously not respecting you and you don't gain much by being with them, then you should socialise with them less as you said. But if taken what I said before as true, that at the start they will not respect you as much, and being a part of a group is beneficial, for example it's good for networking, then it may be beneficial to just stick with more assured tone and slowly gain respect, without being in need for someone to respond. Sometimes it's just a necessity, you can't be an outgroup if there is not many other people to network with, so you have to stick with what you can.
For sure though skill plays part, some people quite quickly gain respect and attention, while for others it takes less time, a "charisma" of sorts, like talking in a confident way for example.
Feel free to add some more if you want, and the same stands for anyone else that wants to add something.

Quote from Power Duck on January 4, 2024, 8:21 pm
I believe this comes depending to ones status in a group (as well as the things you mention since we know that influences ones status). Personally I've experienced been looked at in a group setting as soon as I say a word and I didnt say anything interesting, while other times it's really obvious that Ive been ignored and I was saying something important and related to the matter at hand.

Thanks for an answer, it's a good point too, it's very likely that when coming to a new setting or a social group they are less willing to reward you for you input, even unconsciously by knowing that respect has to be earned. In a way to retain a high ground over someone new, younger, inexperienced, in short, people will prefer to keep any advantage they can and they won't be fast in giving it away by treating you the same as a long standing member of a group.

Quote from Power Duck on January 4, 2024, 8:21 pm
Overall, as you do mention, to voice ones concerns confidently. I do believe that if one is still being obviously ignored without receiving any kind of feedback, I would either keep the info to me if I have to be around those individuals or I would socialise with those individuals way less.

Here I would partially agree, if they are obviously not respecting you and you don't gain much by being with them, then you should socialise with them less as you said. But if taken what I said before as true, that at the start they will not respect you as much, and being a part of a group is beneficial, for example it's good for networking, then it may be beneficial to just stick with more assured tone and slowly gain respect, without being in need for someone to respond. Sometimes it's just a necessity, you can't be an outgroup if there is not many other people to network with, so you have to stick with what you can.

For sure though skill plays part, some people quite quickly gain respect and attention, while for others it takes less time, a "charisma" of sorts, like talking in a confident way for example.

Feel free to add some more if you want, and the same stands for anyone else that wants to add something.

Power Duck has reacted to this post.

#4 · January 5, 2024, 9:07 pm

Cheers Guys.

I have a similar problem with my two brothers in law. They both are so different to me, different interests, different lifestyle, different humor, just practically everything. The only thing connecting us is their syster, my wife. Almost everytime after small talk in fashion like "there anything new" the conversation just disappears. I really want to connect to them but its very, very difficult.

I started to just accept it that were so different. But the result is, that I am always just there with nothing to say or to add value. Sometimes I dont care. Sometimes I feel in the wrong group.

If they werent family, I would never ever mind about that, let alone spending time in that group. So yeah, If you can, leave it. You have better things to do. I hope so anyway :)

Gguwad has reacted to this post.