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Mindset: How to deal with haters

Hello guys,

I posted this video somewhere else. However I think it's an important video as we all have encountered these guys at some point. I found it to be an effective strategy. @lucio also talked about this: focus on outgrowing the people from your previous groups who became haters through envy.

 

Yes, that's a great strategy.

It's also very good because it should imply that you're largely focusing on outgrowing them.

However, one can also mix the strategies:

Focusing on outgrowing, plus on "showing them".
I'm not saying it's the best option. Indeed, it's not. Ideally, you make yourself mentally impregnable to all fuckers around you. BUT... The taste of revenge can taste good if you also do for someone else, and not just for you.

There was a guy not far from where I was born whose family nicknamed, roughly translated "the ragman" ("straccione").
But to give some context, that adjective in Italian stands for "bigger" and "worse", like think of "the big ragman", which vulgarly framed his family as poor and "all a big tatter".

Well, he left the village, made money in the underworld, and then came back and built his family the best villa in the area. And exactly where his old poor "straccione" home used to be.
With pool, paintings, football table, green garden, and shit.

In a way, it's weak, because the guy was still a slave to the judge power of this other idiots -only an idiot would come up, or use that nickname-.

But he didn't just do it for him.
He did for his family.
To wash the infamy.
And, in a way, it was also a big lesson to the idiots.

Think about what he did from the idiot's point of view: you called a family "straccione", in good part because it made you feel better about yourself (if you live in a poor village and you must push down others, you probably are a bit of "straccione" yourself, both in the finances, and even more, in the mindset).
But now you don't have anyone below you anymore to look down on. As a matter of fact, that old "straccione" has taken charge of his life and revolutionized it. And... What does that say about you? Ouch, you didn't budge, you're still pretty much the same old idiot. That says that you are a failure and... Maybe you are a straccione, after all.

Have you read the forum guidelines for effective communication already?

Boom. I agree it’s not mutually exclusive and I would not judge as weak such a move. This is what he had to do to prove himself and others that they were wrong. It’s a powerful drive of human behavior. I would judge it meaningless though if the person after having proven what he had to prove stays trapped in the same behaviors of revenge.

It happened to me when I realized that on some level I was trying to prove me and people wrong. I was also acting on some parental unconscious programming at some point in my life. Hell, I might actually still do!

I think the failure lies in staying trapped in these all our life. It also matters how we achieve what we achieve as it defines who we are.

Agree on both counts: it's not mutually exclusive, and the ultimate failure is staying trapped within it -or to stay stuck in rage and anger whenever you really have no chance for revenge- (edit: thank you Stef!)

One thing that sometimes leaves me lukewarm about people sharing these goals of "being superior" or "leaving them behind" is that a good chunk of them are just pulling a low-level power move to sound deeper and superior, lying to others and to themselves. But they aren't really moving on in the slightest -and aren't even working on it-.

Have you read the forum guidelines for effective communication already?

Change for revenge

You mean chance?

@lucio: definitely!