My Journey to Power
Congrats on the job John. They re lucky to have you. And I think it's a great move when you re building up your experience. Hopefully less departmental politics and more focus on patients so you can enjoy becoming a top doctor. Medical field is sooo big. Plenty of opportunities to move up if you outgrow the place. Or maybe you ll end up as CEO there CMO? You have the systems mind and leadership skills.
Congratulations, John!
Purchase a used convertible and it will be a great addition to the quality and pleasure of life.
Driving with the top open will turn the commute from a chore, to a net pleasure.
On this one:
Quote from John Freeman on January 27, 2023, 8:00 pm(...) was to judge people based on appearance, including my boss. It does not have to be said, only the body language and the feeling of being judged is enough. Once again it backfires as the person will desire to take revenge for feeling judge. I’m working on it.
Yes, 100%!
Some people get stuck on what are the "signal" to show liking VS dislike.
Instead, the easiest and most fundamental way is to align internally, feel a positive (or at least non-negative) feeling, and then let all the rest flow automatically.
Thank you very much Transitioned!
Thank you very much Lucio!
It’s a big challenge and I might fail but I will never know if I don’t take this opportunity.
I did more analysis on this case and I will be adding more when time provided. There are other threads that I want to answer as well.
I came here quick to share something and to have your opinion on it if you want to share it.
My 4 bosses (2 in each different practice) talked together about me since I presented new challenges to them. On Monday I was at the office and the computer was on (as the assistant always turn them on in the morning). The email of my boss was open (it usually is not) and she did not arrive yet.
I see an email with my name as a subject. I succumbed to the temptation and clicked on it. Inside they were talking about me: about my communication mistakes (apparently a big no-no for them, despite me being a learner and having good intentions but being clumsy). The other female boss (the one I read the email was in cc) said that even though this happened, some parents appreciated me a lot. That it was a long time since she did not have to give a resident remarks almost on a daily basis. My other male boss said he was happy they saw the same things. So a rather grim portrait of me with only a small positive.
I am aware I have to improve and acknowledged it.
It’s the first time I read someone’s email in her absence. I feel guilty and shameful about it. The reason I did it was that I felt threatened in the current situation. I acted out of fear to gain more information to better deal with the current situation. That is the reason.
Regarding responsibility I’m 100% responsible. I made this choice and no one else. I broke her trust by doing that.
There are extenuating circumstances: there was the opportunity and I felt afraid that they would not to validate my internship (later in the day she said they were going to validate it). I do feel guilty and shameful anyway.
Happy to read your thoughts about this.
edit: corrections
Personally, I see no point in spending emotional energy on your choice here.
True, it maybe would have been better not to meddle for self-signaling reasons, but that's already a taken and gone decision.
As you said to me once, we can only change for the future. So if this is important to you, maybe reflecting on it and adopting a stance for the future. And also processing any past unaddressed emotions.
In my former law firm, someone once saw an email exchange open on a computer in a similar way. And what came out of it was that the partners were exchanging emails talking about associate lawyers as "lemons to squeeze and throw away".
Now, I was not aware enough to understand that that email alone should have been a telltale sign of needing to get out: but, just saying, the learning from things like these is not always all bad. In your case, from what you write it seemed to point to things that can definitely be addressed.
I agree with Bel. No need to beat yourself up there s so many volunteers who will do it for you.
Other thing is bosses always have their own game. So some of what was said may not even be true. They may just be playing to the crowd.
And you are exemplary at taking on feedback so it will just make you even better.
BTW love Lucio s suggestion of the convertible. I have an old series 3 beamer. Costs me in repairs but getting in is like checking into a resort. And used beamers and mercs are cheap as chips in Europe.
Hello John,
About the content
The email sounds more positive actually.
You already knew the less good stuff, but the good stuff was the novelty.
Quick overview: moving on is right, it's a small thing with little or no victims
I agree with Bel and Transitioned on moving on.
Also because, overall, it was a small thing.
And you may call this an "(almost) victimless crime".
The victim would be the possible person who wasn't being straight with the feedback and instead decided to pile on behind your back. One may argue he wasn't being straight himself, so he had it coming.
A more grey-area victim would be the person who gave you most of the feedback, but kept something for his colleagues only -and, in some cases, it may be a fair approach-.
But I think that, in general, we can say "little and/or very little costs to the victim", so it's rather small.
How I'd have approached it: risk/returns &... Friends or foes?
For more details:
To start with total frankness, I probably wouldn't have looked at it.
In part, it's because I like to think of myself as "flying above" it and doing the "right thing".
But in large part, it's also because of the risk/returns ratio.
Getting that insight is fantastic, it's like super straight feedback you can rarely get in reality, plus next-level political insights.
BUT, the costs of getting caught while looking at the email would be a lot higher than the benefits (considering the assistant may have shared that with the bosses).
Finally, for me it depends a lot on the environment and the people.
If I like the people and there's mutual respect and consideration, then I'd treat it as I would with a friend, and I wouldn't look at it no matter what.
BUT...
If I don't like or trust the people, or if they've given me reasons to dislike or mistrust them and I consider them assholes, then there's no win-win and I'm gonna play it mostly -or purely- for what's in it for me.
So, in that case, if I'd be confident that the chances of being caught are very low, I'd have looked at it.
And not only I wouldn't have felt guilty, I'd have felt good -in my system of values, it's good to take from takers-.
How to snoop effectively
And I'd have approached it as a Mach / strategist:
- Make sure you can tell in advance whether someone can walk in or, at least, that you can give yourself the highest chances of knowing
- Leave the door open to hear the steps, or
- Close the door (whatever works best in that situation)
- If you have a brother in arm, tell that person to go stand at the door and say "coffee John?" when someone's approaching
- Give yourself an excuse in the worst-case scenario (if possible), ie.:
- Come up with a legit-sounding reason you maybe to use her computer and open that tab / application that you'll switch to in case someone comes in
- Open a browser and write "test" on Google: you were not having internet and wanted to check if it was a general thing
- Put a notepad and a pen next to the computer so you can pretend you just stood there for one second to take a note
- Be ready to own the worst-case scenario: ie.: "yeah, I saw my name on it and I wanted to learn more about what was being said about me. It's not cool to read other people's email. Not one bit. On the other hand, it's also not cool to talk behind people's backs. It's my right to know what people think about me and you gave me good reasons not trust you being straight with me"
- Minimize the time spent (while maximizing the intel gathering)
- Take pictures rather than reading
- Open all emails or scroll all threads taking multiple pictures
- Forward the full email to you, then delete it from the "sent" emails (only in case you couldn't think of the taking picture first, since that option is far superior)
- Cover your tracks
- Remember how the page originally looked like and bring it back exactly where it was
Quote from Bel on January 31, 2023, 8:04 pmIn my former law firm, someone once saw an email exchange open on a computer in a similar way. And what came out of it was that the partners were exchanging emails talking about associate lawyers as "lemons to squeeze and throw away".
Now, I was not aware enough to understand that that email alone should have been a telltale sign of needing to get out: but, just saying, the learning from things like these is not always all bad. In your case, from what you write it seemed to point to things that can definitely be addressed.
Crazy, but not SO crazy or uncommon.
In "Machiavellians at the top" I share how one founder talked about the people to hire:
- Monkeys
Another one referring to "scaling operations":
- "Throwing bodies at it"
Another one referred to sales as the "art of bullshitting".
Probably not the type of people whose email you should feel bad reading :).
Thank you very much Transitioned!
No need to beat yourself up there s so many volunteers who will do it for you.
This one goes in my notes. Wisdom.
Other thing is bosses always have their own game. So some of what was said may not even be true. They may just be playing to the crowd.
Yes, I think you are right. In the email I felt there was some social climbing as well. She said I did a couple mistakes about diagnoses and I don't even know what she's referring to. What I can tell you is that SHE did a LOT of diagnosis mistakes. Since she's actually so bad at her job, I actually started to write down her mistakes. They're mistakes that a beginner in paediatrics would not do. She does not like antibiotics so she actually treated a skin infection like an eye infection. It's that bad. When I told my program manager about the things she was doing (we have an interview every 6 months and they ask us how it is going), she was not happy at all. I told her as I think residents deserve better training and patients better treatment. However, it's mostly about preventing them to send residents getting trained by a bad physicians.
I tried to minimise it as I did not want to betray my boss as I have some loyalty to her anyway. I told the program manager: "Well I get to learn about vaccine skeptic parents' psychology and it's very useful". She said: "yes, but it's wrong anyway" (referring to the way she's doing pediatrics).
There are many examples other than the eye, she's just not using current knowledge and standard procedures in pediatrics. She also semi-actively discourages parents from vaccinating their children. At the very least, she's validating their skepticism. So not a scientist.
To make things clearer, I will give them a name Tamara and Samantha work in this private practice. The vaccine/antibiotics skeptic is Tamara. Samantha is kinder but plays also games on me (upcoming (hopefully) post: "you should ask questions" babying PM, "you should trust us").
To tell you how bad it is, Tamara stole 2 patients from Samantha, one in front of me.
The first one: the parents changed from Samantha to Tamara because of schedule, that is the parents wanted to consult on a Wednesday afternoon. So far so good. But Tamara 1. did not inform Samantha of the change of one of her patient to her own practice, 2. Samantha and Tamara switch every other week their schedule (they both work at 60%). So one week she's working the Wednesday afternoon and the next week it's Samantha. Either the patients had other reasons or Tamara used this desire for Wednesdays afternoons as an excuse.
The other story, it's bad. Here is how it went.
I see a new patient and the special-education teacher (huge social issues) says that Dr Samantha accepted the file of the child. But on this day I'm supervised by Tamara. In his file it's written Tamara's name as the responsible physician. So I ask Tamara in front of the teacher: which one is it? The file or what the teacher said? He repeats: "Dr Samantha accepted the child's file". She turns to the teacher and said: "I accept with pleasure to be the child's physician". And it was done. Patient stolen from her 17 years colleague with whom they started the practice and who's a close "friend". Maybe Samantha and Tamara discussed it together previously however she did not tell me that and the teacher had another information. So suspicious to say the least.
So this gives you more information about the environment I'm in. Tamara is a vaccine-skeptic, antibiotic-skeptic, homeopathic paediatrician who has questionable behaviours. And yes, it's her who sent the email to the other private practice (Nicholas and Violet). I respect her beliefs. However, our national professional code of conduct is based on delivering diagnosis and treatment based on the latest scientific knowledge. So by passively/semi-actively discouraging parents to vaccinate their child, I think it's an ethical problem.
Also they've been doing this job for 17 years and they're asking me basic question, like 2 days ago: "what should I do?" I gave her my recommendation and she will do it. But come on! You have 17 years of experience ahead of me and you don't know these basic things? And it's like that every week. Basic things they have no clue how to deal with.
And you are exemplary at taking on feedback so it will just make you even better.
Thank you! Your support is heartwarming.
BTW love Lucio s suggestion of the convertible. I have an old series 3 beamer. Costs me in repairs but getting in is like checking into a resort. And used beamers and mercs are cheap as chips in Europe.
Hahaha I'll think about the convertible. In Switzerland we don't have a long summer. You both got me thinking though.
@lucio: I'll answer as soon as I can!
edit: corrections
Quote from Lucio Buffalmano on February 1, 2023, 4:44 amHello John,
About the content
The email sounds more positive actually.
You already knew the less good stuff, but the good stuff was the novelty.
Yes, I haven't thought about it, you're right.
Quick overview: moving on is right, it's a small thing with little or no victims
I agree with Bel and Transitioned on moving on.
Also because, overall, it was a small thing.
And you may call this an "(almost) victimless crime".
It's true. Nobody got harmed in the process. Thanks!
The victim would be the possible person who wasn't being straight with the feedback and instead decided to pile on behind your back. One may argue he wasn't being straight himself, so he had it coming.
A more grey-area victim would be the person who gave you most of the feedback, but kept something for his colleagues only -and, in some cases, it may be a fair approach-.
Yes here, I think it's more the 2nd case here.
But I think that, in general, we can say "little and/or very little costs to the victim", so it's rather small.
Thanks! Its' good to hear. I noticed I have still an issue with guilt and shame. Maybe still some low self-esteem or something like this. I will start a new therapy in 1 week so it will be the opportunity to talk about it.
How I'd have approached it: risk/returns &... Friends or foes?
For more details:
To start with total frankness, I probably wouldn't have looked at it.
In part, it's because I like to think of myself as "flying above" it and doing the "right thing".
Yep, hence the shame.
But in large part, it's also because of the risk/returns ratio.
Getting that insight is fantastic, it's like super straight feedback you can rarely get in reality, plus next-level political insights.
BUT, the costs of getting caught while looking at the email would be a lot higher than the benefits (considering the assistant may have shared that with the bosses).
True.
Finally, for me it depends a lot on the environment and the people.
If I like the people and there's mutual respect and consideration, then I'd treat it as I would with a friend, and I wouldn't look at it no matter what.BUT...
If I don't like or trust the people, or if they've given me reasons to dislike or mistrust them and I consider them assholes, then there's no win-win and I'm gonna play it mostly -or purely- for what's in it for me.
Yes, here we're more in this case. I lost a lot of trust in them. I trust them as teachers, most of them. But not as bosses. I don't think they have my interest at heart. That's what I learned. That their interest is money, image, status. And I threatened it by my actions most probably. So there is not the benevolence I am looking for in a boss. It's not an excuse, it gives more context to the situations. I thought these people were lambs, and I see a "shark" side I did not see before. Of course, they are way worse people, on my side I was expecting them to treat me better. Especially since they knew I had previous difficult work situations.
So, in that case, if I'd be confident that the chances of being caught are very low, I'd have looked at it.
And not only I wouldn't have felt guilty, I'd have felt good -in my system of values, it's good to take from takers-.
Yes, it's something that is still outside the scope of my awareness. This is a higher perspective. thinking. I'm taking note of it as a mindset. I'll put it on my wall with my other mindsets. It's in the difference between harmless and peaceful realm. Being strong on the wicked one and soft on the gentle one.
How to snoop effectively
And I'd have approached it as a Mach / strategist:
- Make sure you can tell in advance whether someone can walk in or, at least, that you can give yourself the highest chances of knowing
- Leave the door open to hear the steps, or
- Close the door (whatever works best in that situation)
- If you have a brother in arm, tell that person to go stand at the door and say "coffee John?" when someone's approaching
- Give yourself an excuse in the worst-case scenario (if possible), ie.:
- Come up with a legit-sounding reason you maybe to use her computer and open that tab / application that you'll switch to in case someone comes in
- Open a browser and write "test" on Google: you were not having internet and wanted to check if it was a general thing
- Put a notepad and a pen next to the computer so you can pretend you just stood there for one second to take a note
- Be ready to own the worst-case scenario: ie.: "yeah, I saw my name on it and I wanted to learn more about what was being said about me. It's not cool to read other people's email. Not one bit. On the other hand, it's also not cool to talk behind people's backs. It's my right to know what people think about me and you gave me good reasons not trust you being straight with me"
In my context, it's a total no-no and could be a right motive for termination so high risk low rewards. So owning it would have be the right move but lead to termination. Actually what happened is that I accidentally sit in the wrong office, forgetting that the other boss was on holiday. The assistant had opened the email. Not for me but for my boss. As I said I never tried to look into their email even though I'm working every other day on one of their computers. So I don't even know if their email requires some password. I would think so. This is how it all started.
- Minimize the time spent (while maximizing the intel gathering)
- Take pictures rather than reading
What I did is that I copy-pasted the email and sent myself an email from my gmail. So it did not leave her email. I noticed it was still in the "copy-paste" memory buffer and did another "copy-paste" with dummy text ("kajdasddskjfs" or something like this). I then closed my email and deleted the history. They're not computer savvy so deleting history is not something they're aware of I think. I also restarted the computer to empty the memory just in case. Then I went to the other computer and moved the email to my "notifications" folder in case I left my email open on another computer in the other location. For someone to have seen what I did I would have to have left my email open in the other location (unlikely they turn off the computer every night) and look at my email as I'm sending it to myself (very unlikely). The other possible mistake (paranoia) would have to have sent the email to my bosses (very very unlikely). As soon as I got back home and copy-pasted the email in a local file on my computer and deleted the email.
You see how far I went down the rabbit hole of paranoia.
Afterwards I thought that I should have taken pictures as you said.
- Open all emails or scroll all threads taking multiple pictures
- Forward the full email to you, then delete it from the "sent" emails (only in case you couldn't think of the taking picture first, since that option is far superior)
- Cover your tracks
- Remember how the page originally looked like and bring it back exactly where it was
See above. I saw them today and they were friendly with me so I think this went unnoticed.
All in all, this was a small thing but a big mistake in terms of breaking my personal code of conduct. I won't do it again. Lesson learned!
Regarding your remarks about people talking this bad about subordinates among them: it seems we're really in the sociopathy realm (objectification/dehumanization). Totally agree.