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My Personal Social Power Journey (so far)

Hi everyone,

This is not really a testimonial or a review of any kind, it's more me getting my thoughts out. (Hence, why I put it in the Random category.)

I first found Lucio's blog in late 2019 when I was looking into buying Charlie Houpert's online course, "Charisma on Command" and came across Lucio's review. Lucio had a great Black Friday sale on his course, so I bought it. Since buying it, I can say I've noticed some significant improvements in my life.

Before the coronavirus outbreak, I booked a role on season two of Murder in the Family. There was a scene where most of my acting had to be nonverbal because, in post-production, it was supposed to be narrated over as the introductory scene. I used Lucio's "Body Language of Dominance" to strategically communicate nonverbal information to the audience about the scene as well as what was going on inside of my character's head. When we wrapped up day two of filming, the producer said, "You elevated the character," then turned to a family member I had brought with me and said, "He's a future academy award-winner."

That was a great win for me and it felt amazing. The work I put into the course was paying off, I felt better about the fact that my progress through the course was slower due to my choice to memorize the information and I realized that I had a whole arsenal of body language communication I could use to make myself a better actor. (I hired acting coaches in the past which cost me anywhere from $100 - $300. We would go over a script together and they would tell me about character development and the energy I brought to the character, but never nonverbal communication.)

I also attended a speech by Mae C. Jemison, the first woman of color to go to space. At the end of the speech was a meet and greet. I waited in line for 15 minutes only to have the gatekeeper tell me that my ticket was not a meet and greet ticket and only guaranteed me a seat to her speech. I walked away disappointed because it was too late to get new tickets and I didn't want to hold up the long line.

After walking away, I realized that this was an opportunity to try out what I had learned in the social power course so far. I got back in line and re-approached the gatekeeper. She recognized me but had a pleasant smile on her face. (I was expecting a more judgemental facial expression considering she had already turned me away once before and here I was again basically "wasting her time".)

I looked her in the eyes and said, "I know I was just here and I don't have a meet and greet ticket, but have you ever made an exception?"

I was now leaning a bit on the railing to my right, holding unbreakable eye contact with her. (I had no idea if locking in was a smart move, all I knew is that I wanted to look dominant and "locking in" to appear comfortable was one of the ways to do it.)

She gave me a warm smile and said something along the lines of, "We're not really allowed to do that. We have a contract with Ms. Jemison that she's only willing to take pictures with everyone who buys a meet and greet ticket."

When she "shot me down" the people behind me had heard and started laughing. Personally, I felt like they were laughing at me because they had all bought their tickets and here I was trying to negotiate my way inside for free.

I turned back to the gatekeeper and said, "Look, I completely understand and if I were in your shoes I would feel the same way. But, would it be possible to make one exception this time?"

I leaned back on the railing as we locked eyes for what was at least eight seconds (looking back, I'm surprised neither of us blinked). Since everyone in line was behind me and she was the gatekeeper standing opposite of us, I guess it started to seem like it was all of us against her. One could easily perceive the situation as them shaming her for not letting one guy get a picture from the outside looking in. I tilted my head to the side a little to seem slightly submissive so as to not be overly dominant when I have no tangible leverage here. The social pressure began to really build up in the eye contact and silence of those eight seconds.

Finally, she looked at me, said, "You're breaking my heart," and in a low voice said "go" while she nodded towards the entrance behind her.

And this was the result:

Yup, I got that picture. 🙂

Last note, Udemy released some courses for free as a COVID-19 special sale. I decided to take "How to speak to anyone & be fearless - in less than 55 min" by Ricardo Mendoza. This course has 59,220 students and has still been able to maintain a 4.2-star rating which I found quite impressive. I also liked his course description: Learn to quickly connect with crowds of strangers, be better on dates or ace that job interview.

Long story short, I got more value from two lessons in Lucio's course than I got from the entire Udemy course. Mendoza's course was great, but it was only great for people who hadn't already taken Lucio's Social Power course and it just happened that I have (albeit I've only completed Module 1).

Even if I had chosen not to buy Lucio's course, I would still be glad I found his website and forum. I'm still making plenty of embarrassing social power mistakes and I have a whole lot to learn, but Lucio's endless reading habit inspired me to get back into reading and the only thing I wish is that there was an option to save Lucio's forum posts so you can review them later in your profile.

Lots of e-hugs, stay healthy everyone!



Lucio Buffalmano and Deleted user have reacted to this post.
Lucio BuffalmanoDeleted user

Ali, my man, congratulations mate!!!

That's some proper way of learning and applying to real life.

"Future academy award-winner", I like that :).
One thing about compliments: if you wanna go the distance, enjoy them, while still not letting them go to your head. Early success can sometimes be dangerous.
But here it is wishing you'll soon be standing on that stage, getting that well-deserved prize.

Big e-hug and stay healthy, mate!

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Here is a brother learning power dynamics. Well done Ali.

Lucio Buffalmano has reacted to this post.
Lucio Buffalmano
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