My thoughts

#1 · March 13, 2023, 5:49 pm

Quote from Alexandr on March 13, 2023, 5:49 pm
Hello to everyone reading, this journal is a place for me to share my self-developments efforts, I hope it will be valuable to some. Any comments, ideas, and thoughts will be appreciated.

I'll write here my first entry:

Recently I became aware of the fact that I don't consider anyone a friend, I'm upset by this and want to understand why I'm feeling this way. I'm sure that I'm not a psychopath who sees people only as means to an end, because I geuinely like talking to people, getting to know them, having fun with them. I implemented the high warmth / high power approach and got great results, in comparison with what was before, I think (conservatevily) that at the very least, most people are neutral towards me. Going from this assumption, the problem is on MY side.

I've come up with a few ideas on what could cause this disconnect from others:

Avoidant attachment style. I fear emotional connection. The side effect is that I don't have a strong emotional connection with people and avoid bonding, remaining on a superficial level of conversations.

Introvertedness. Most of the time I take the listener role in conversations. I've read before, that the more we self-disclose to others, the more we feel like friends. Then, I don't feel a strong connection because I don't reciprocate with vulnerability on my part. A great example of me not wanting to self-disclose is this forum post you're reading. I felt uncomfortable when deciding to write this post. For me, it's an exceptional act of vulnerability to tell my struggles and negative feelings to others ( even online!).

Unreal expectations. It's possible that my idea of what friends are is too unrealisitic. I'm a perfectionist, so that could affect my realtionships.

I've come up with several ideas, but the avoidant attachment style seems to be the meta problem. Other behaviours I listes could be a result of it. So, securing my attachment style is probably the way to go.

How I would go about changing this situation:

Follow Lucio's suggestions on overcoming attachment style in this blog post.

Push myself to show vulnerability more often.

Talk more about my feelings when being assertive.

My meta goal for now is to learn how to emotionally bond and deep dive when conversing. Acquiring these skills will require me to get out of my comfort zone, push me to be more emotional. This will be a big step for me in improving my relationship satisfaction.

Feel free to leave insights and thoughts, I appreciate other's views and opinions.

Have a nice day.

P.S : After writing this post, I think it's a great idea to have thoughts organized in writing.

Hello to everyone reading, this journal is a place for me to share my self-developments efforts, I hope it will be valuable to some. Any comments, ideas, and thoughts will be appreciated.

I'll write here my first entry:

Recently I became aware of the fact that I don't consider anyone a friend, I'm upset by this and want to understand why I'm feeling this way. I'm sure that I'm not a psychopath who sees people only as means to an end, because I geuinely like talking to people, getting to know them, having fun with them. I implemented the high warmth / high power approach and got great results, in comparison with what was before, I think (conservatevily) that at the very least, most people are neutral towards me. Going from this assumption, the problem is on MY side.

I've come up with a few ideas on what could cause this disconnect from others:

Avoidant attachment style. I fear emotional connection. The side effect is that I don't have a strong emotional connection with people and avoid bonding, remaining on a superficial level of conversations.
Introvertedness. Most of the time I take the listener role in conversations. I've read before, that the more we self-disclose to others, the more we feel like friends. Then, I don't feel a strong connection because I don't reciprocate with vulnerability on my part. A great example of me not wanting to self-disclose is this forum post you're reading. I felt uncomfortable when deciding to write this post. For me, it's an exceptional act of vulnerability to tell my struggles and negative feelings to others ( even online!).
Unreal expectations. It's possible that my idea of what friends are is too unrealisitic. I'm a perfectionist, so that could affect my realtionships.

I've come up with several ideas, but the avoidant attachment style seems to be the meta problem. Other behaviours I listes could be a result of it. So, securing my attachment style is probably the way to go.

How I would go about changing this situation:

Follow Lucio's suggestions on overcoming attachment style in this blog post.
Push myself to show vulnerability more often.
Talk more about my feelings when being assertive.

My meta goal for now is to learn how to emotionally bond and deep dive when conversing. Acquiring these skills will require me to get out of my comfort zone, push me to be more emotional. This will be a big step for me in improving my relationship satisfaction.

Feel free to leave insights and thoughts, I appreciate other's views and opinions.

Have a nice day.

P.S : After writing this post, I think it's a great idea to have thoughts organized in writing.

Lucio Buffalmano, Ali Scarlett and 3 other users have reacted to this post.

Whoever fights monsters should see to it that in the process he does not become a monster.

#2 · March 13, 2023, 8:41 pm

Welcome on this side of the forum, Alexandr and props on the courage to go for it.

It seems to me like you have a high level of self-awareness and your analysis seems spot on.
I was also nodding my head on your connection between reciprocation/opening up, and bonding with someone and I think you're spot-on there.

Similar to your point: when I was desperate and alone I was still dating a bit.
But that wasn't helping any with connection/sharing/unloading some of my burden since I didn't think I could be honest with any girl about my true station in life without destroying all of my chances -and, I'm afraid, I was right on that-.

So, once you start from a good analysis + solution, I think the rest would "simply" be on doing it.

And just for a possible mindset switch:

Quote from Alexandr on March 13, 2023, 5:49 pm

Recently I became aware of the fact that I don't consider anyone a friend, I'm upset by this and want to understand why I'm feeling this way.

A mindset switch is that your current situation may actually be the norm, rather than exception.

And that not having a friend is very common because, similar getting anything worthwhile in life, it's not easy.

Plenty of people have a sexual partner, a relationship, a job, a social life... And still, very few have one they truly like and appreciate.

It's just the same for friendships.

Ali Scarlett, Alexandr and 4 other users have reacted to this post.

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#3 · March 25, 2023, 9:50 pm

Lucio, thank you very much for your thoughts. Reading your post, you helped me realize that I was/am desperate, which I didn't want to admit to myself. Your suggestion of switching mindsets is GOAT. Now I think "It's ok to not have friends", this way I'm happier interacting with people & thinking of them as "future friends maybe?". Once again, appreciate your wisdom.

Whoever fights monsters should see to it that in the process he does not become a monster.

#4 · March 25, 2023, 10:09 pm

Is Power-Awareness inherently Machiavellian?

Reading the TPM forum, I've stumbled upon the "Illimitable Men" blog. As with most red pill content, the blog was full of wisdom, albeit too cynical for my taste, but that's beside the main point.

The main idea of the blog is "Machiavellianism". The definition of Machiavellian thinking caught my attention : (quioting from blog)

Machiavellianism is most concerned with maximising one’s efficiency as far as power acquisition and personal well-being is concerned.

In my opinion, this definition coincides with the main idea of TPM: Self-Empowerement For a Better Life. The point of PU is to increase well-being, the means to this end is self-empowerement.

Because Machiavellianism is a prerequisite to self-empowerement, I've come to the conclusion that power-awareness is indeed inherently machiavellian.

Whoever fights monsters should see to it that in the process he does not become a monster.