Quote from Lucio Buffalmano on June 5, 2020, 5:20 pm

lzy on June 5, 2020, 1:58 pm

Unneeded escalations cut the bs quick! If you have amazing things going on and don't want to waste your time with silly people what's the problem? I don't need anything from anyone, I don't need money, I don't need friends, I don't need girls, I don't need new projects, employees, employers, or co-workers. Why no escalate immediately and cut the shi*?

Thank you for posting here man! (<-That's a collaborative frame).

You are right, immediate escalation does cut the BS quick and, often but not always, saves time.
Since I love being efficient and saving time, I also like to go direct, sometimes.

The question is: will it help you get what you want?

It can, if:

• You have much more power
• If you have authority from rank (think: a boss)
• The person you are dealing with is very submissive or conflict-avoidant

Then, yes, you get what you want (and save time).

Plus, if you know you will never deal with that person ever again, there are also no risks and costs.

But the costs are big for repeated interactions (relationships, no matter whether work or friendships or intimate).
The price of continuous escalation is that you erode goodwill (similar for super-direct talk that includes cursing).

People come to see you as an asshole who disrespects and pushes them around.
That creates resentment.

You will still get what you want as long as you have rank or as long as you are untouchable.
But it's an overall weaker position compared to having both rank and goodwill from the people you lead or deal with.

Escalations do not work nearly as well for people who are on your same level, who will want to retaliate instead of helping. Escalation is not a guarantee of getting anything you want. People might even refuse you at a personal cost, jut out of spite (plenty of research shows that).
And escalations, or even super-direct talk, is also harmful with people who have more power than you have. They will want to get rid of you, avoid you, harm you, or stop helping you as soon as possible.
With people with more power, you are better off mimicking their directness level (lesson on boss relationships).

Finally, continuous escalation has a personal price.
Continuous escalation poisons your mood.
It makes you angrier and tenser.

That's why, albeit there are times and places for escalations, super-direct talk, or even aggression, I recommend more collaborative approaches (mixed with power) as your default frames.

 

Quote from lzy on June 6, 2020, 5:04 am

Thank you for posting here man! (<-That's a collaborative frame). -- This is one frame I can always get behind, as long as it is with non-bot non-slave smart independent thinking humans like yourself! Only reason I paid for what usually looks like a ClickBank marketing scam. Plus, we have similar names _/\_

 

People come to see you as an asshole who disrespects and pushes them around.
That creates resentment. -- I like to be spontaneous and not hold any fixed frame. I have become aware of inter-generational patterns engrained in my DNA and don't take ownership for them. Its just amazing to become conscious of things that are already serving you and have server your ancestors for generations. My grandfather had 10k+ people under the command in the army. My grandmother's family a whole village. I let it flow from incredible escalations with anyone regardless of rank to submission and friendship. A steady frame is easy to control, a water like flow is impossible to capture.

But the costs are big for repeated interactions (relationships, no matter whether work or friendships or intimate).  -- I think that to really have power you need to let go of all social needs. Once you don't need power the power flocks to you. Same as women. Same as money. Same as friends. Same as anything. You need it you don't have it. You don't need it, it rains!

 

Finally, continuous escalation has a personal price.
Continuous escalation poisons your mood.
It makes you angrier and tenser. -- I think this is another really important point. If you can't remain in even equinimous breath, temper, heartbeat, body temperature, or can't escalate and de-escalate these bodily reactions into proaction's then this level of power isn't at reach. Yet, I love to go totally ballistics on someone who is trying to screw me over without loosing my inner cool, and possible to very quickly turn that into a joke or a compliment.

Quote from Lucio Buffalmano on June 7, 2020, 8:02 am

Quote from lzy on June 6, 2020, 5:04 am

Thank you for posting here man! (<-That's a collaborative frame). -- This is one frame I can always get behind, as long as it is with non-bot non-slave smart independent thinking humans like yourself! Only reason I paid for what usually looks like a ClickBank marketing scam. Plus, we have similar names _/\_

LOL, you do like a direct style, I can see :D

Quote from lzy on June 6, 2020, 5:04 am

I think this is another really important point. If you can't remain in even equinimous breath, temper, heartbeat, body temperature, or can't escalate and de-escalate these bodily reactions into proaction's then this level of power isn't at reach.
Yet, I love to go totally ballistics on someone who is trying to screw me over without losing my inner cool, and possible to very quickly turn that into a joke or a compliment.

Yes, used strategically that way, it can be a very powerful tool, indeed.

The way you mention, it's the "cool sociopath style", calm and collected in reality, but faking high emotions for strategic goals.

It's also a tool that some abusive men use in relationships to control women.
They go ballistic on purpose, as if to say "this is what happens when you push my buttons", which then makes the woman afraid of enforcing her boundaries that he might go ballistic again.

For moral reasons, I cannot recommend it against people who are dealing with you fairly and/or who are below you, since it's too easy to take advantage of them and it becomes abusive.
But if it's among adults negotiating each one for their own personal gains it can be fair game. And if it's with those who already tried to screw you over, then... By all means.