Former Community – We Moved
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On Small Talk
Hello everyone,
I better understand why some people don’t like “small talk”. Most of the times it is about stating the obvious that nobody can disagree on. In terms of information it is either poor or empty. It is a conversation filler.
As we arrived at the train station my friend said:
him: we arrived!
It’s obvious to anyone.
this morning I was talking with the baker at the bakery:
him: it was cold this night, 2 degrees Celsius
me: yeah it still takes a bit of time for spring to really come. It’s going to come.
him: yes, like every year!
So everything we said was pretty much known to both of us as yesterday it was cold during the day as well.
So small talk is more like a social lubricant that prevents any confrontation, builds rapport and social synchronization as there is agreement on the topic.
On topics there is a continuum of potential of confrontation from less (weather) to more (religion, politics).
There is also a small talk that is in between this continuum. Between strangers but not empty nor confrontational. Like getting to know one another but then it’s not really the kind of small talk people are talking about.
Ehehe yeah, when you read the text of most small talk it seems comically nonsensical.
But as you say, it's a social balm.
What I sometimes do if I think someone is a good person to be closer with, is to add a personal note, for example:
Him: yes, like every year!
Me: Yeah, can't wait for that! I really wanna jump back on the motorbike
You didn't go much deeper, but you shared something personal now.
It could be a hook for more personal talk to come, or it could be a small brick for better future exchanges/releationship.
It's a small thing, but significant.
P.S.:
Great analysis on the "necessity for safety" that almost automatically makes small talk largely insignificant.
