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Partying power dynamic situation

#1 · December 16, 2021, 6:26 pm

Hello! First time posting here. Great to be on this site and learn.

Story in short:
(student context, I would be probably considered to be high status in this group)

First party: Hook up with a girl, during the night was probably seen as "high power".

Sometime later at another party: Thought abt hooking up with her again and thought she would too. However, during the party saw her talking to other guys which is probably no problem, as she firstly probably did not even know I was there. However, I am asking about this situation: Saw her talking and looking at a guy and it seemed she was really flirting with him. This was exactly as I happened to walk past and she did not even notice/look at me. After this I thought I really cant set myself lower than that other guy and go and talk/text her etc. anymore, as she flirted with other guy w/ me being right next there. At the party I went later on to kiss a few other girls with her probably seeing it (not planned) and bang another. She and her friends seemed a bit sad the next time I saw her (not at a party).

What do you guys think? I am trying to be as objective as possible to learn. What to tolerate in this sense and was this over-sensitive?

#2 · December 17, 2021, 9:40 am

Quote from Lucio Buffalmano on December 17, 2021, 9:40 am
Overall, it sounds like you're doing very well.
In this specific situation, lemme guess, this lady you wanted to re-hook up with was more attractive than the other one you hooked up with, right?
Or at least, there is something about her you liked.
The thing here is:
Quote from SocialPower on December 16, 2021, 6:26 pm
as she firstly probably did not even know I was there.
However, I am asking about this situation: Saw her talking and looking at a guy and it seemed she was really flirting with him. This was exactly as I happened to walk past and she did not even notice/look at me. After this I thought I really cant set myself lower than that other guy and go and talk/text her etc. anymore, as she flirted with other guy w/ me being right next there. At the party I went later on to kiss a few other girls with her probably seeing it (not planned) and bang another. She and her friends seemed a bit sad the next time I saw her (not at a party).
There is a lot of interpretations there based on a lot of "maybe".
Allow me to be very direct wit this:
That's what women do: read signals, take no action, avoid "putting themselves out there" to avoid pain and rejection, and then talk to other women about what it "maybe meant".
Now, there is a power-reason why women do that: because if they put themselves out there, they lose power. And they'd rather have the guy take action.
That might make sense for women.
BUT... Not as much for men.
And especially not when there are power-effective options to take action.
Because, most often, it's much better to take some action instead and judge from concrete results.
When you weren't sure she saw you, it was Ok to move on because she was talking to some guy.
And still, you might have taken some action there too.
For example, you might have just pinched her arm quickly and smiled mischievously, as if to say "there you are, flirting with boys" (both very high-power, and very socially smooth).
The attitude is how Kutcher does it here to perfection:
https://youtu.be/PE-rNF27ThU?t=91
Kutcher: (points at her and the guy, as if to say "oh, look at you and that guy")
Either way, when she's alone, go there and just say:
Hey, hi, look who's here (smiling)
And see how she reacts.
There is no power loss in that. And if you do it well, you come across as very high value actually.
After all, what was she supposed to do, stand there like a wallflower in the off-chance you were there?
If she is very warm after you say hi, great, you're in.
If she's playing games or very cold, you either play the game and see how it goes, or move on.
But then, it wouldn't be based on assumptions and maybes anymore.
Makes sense?
P.S.:
Welcome here! :)

Overall, it sounds like you're doing very well.

In this specific situation, lemme guess, this lady you wanted to re-hook up with was more attractive than the other one you hooked up with, right?

Or at least, there is something about her you liked.

The thing here is:

Quote from SocialPower on December 16, 2021, 6:26 pm
as she firstly probably did not even know I was there.
However, I am asking about this situation: Saw her talking and looking at a guy and it seemed she was really flirting with him. This was exactly as I happened to walk past and she did not even notice/look at me. After this I thought I really cant set myself lower than that other guy and go and talk/text her etc. anymore, as she flirted with other guy w/ me being right next there. At the party I went later on to kiss a few other girls with her probably seeing it (not planned) and bang another. She and her friends seemed a bit sad the next time I saw her (not at a party).

There is a lot of interpretations there based on a lot of "maybe".

Allow me to be very direct wit this:

That's what women do: read signals, take no action, avoid "putting themselves out there" to avoid pain and rejection, and then talk to other women about what it "maybe meant".

Now, there is a power-reason why women do that: because if they put themselves out there, they lose power. And they'd rather have the guy take action.
That might make sense for women.

BUT... Not as much for men.
And especially not when there are power-effective options to take action.

Because, most often, it's much better to take some action instead and judge from concrete results.

When you weren't sure she saw you, it was Ok to move on because she was talking to some guy.

And still, you might have taken some action there too.
For example, you might have just pinched her arm quickly and smiled mischievously, as if to say "there you are, flirting with boys" (both very high-power, and very socially smooth).

The attitude is how Kutcher does it here to perfection:

Kutcher: (points at her and the guy, as if to say "oh, look at you and that guy")

Either way, when she's alone, go there and just say:

Hey, hi, look who's here (smiling)

And see how she reacts.

There is no power loss in that. And if you do it well, you come across as very high value actually.
After all, what was she supposed to do, stand there like a wallflower in the off-chance you were there?

If she is very warm after you say hi, great, you're in.

If she's playing games or very cold, you either play the game and see how it goes, or move on.

But then, it wouldn't be based on assumptions and maybes anymore.

Makes sense?

P.S.:
Welcome here! :)

SocialPower has reacted to this post.

Community, new content and Confidence University now available here.

#3 · December 17, 2021, 9:57 am

Thanks for the answer! Yeah, I did not mention that at that point she must have known I was there.

"When you weren't sure she saw you, move on because she was talking to some guy.

Or as another option, you might have just pinched her arm quickly and smiled mischievously, as if to say "there you are, flirting with boys"."

Thanks for great advice!

So lemme guess, this other lady you want to re-hook up with was more attractive than the other one you hooked up with?"
Not necessarily, I did not think of it that way. Thought about it from a power- perspective.

Either way, when she's alone, go there and just say:

Hey, hi, look who's here (smiling)

"
Actually did this afterwards (not at a party) and she seemed warm but a bit sad.

So, if I encounter a similar situation (flirting with another guy w/ me being there and she knows), there is no power loss and it is cool to approach/text whatever from a power perspective?

#4 · December 17, 2021, 10:09 am

Quote from SocialPower on December 17, 2021, 9:57 am
So, if I encounter a similar situation (flirting with another guy w/ me being there and she knows), there is no power loss and it is cool to approach/text whatever from a power perspective?

It all depends on how you do it.

It's a major power loss if it looks like you're chasing.

And it's also a power loss if it looks like you're jealous (unless she was hoping you'd try to "girlfriend her up", in which case she'd welcome your jealous as the great sign she was looking for).

But if you do it smoothly, then it's all good.
And ways to make it smooth are:

Social: just treat her like someone who's close to you
Warm/happy to see her and catch up -just liked you'd be to any other person you like-
Flirting vibe: "hey, there you are, doing your usual minxy thing"

And avoid texts if you see her in person.

OFF-TOPIC

Man, this "SocialPower" is an old user I created for those who wanted to release the course all at once and didn't care about the 30-days guarantee.

It's more than one person using it, and that might create some confusion if they also decide to post in the forum.

Do you mind dropping me an email and I'll create a user just for you.

OFF-TOPIC

Community, new content and Confidence University now available here.

#5 · December 17, 2021, 10:22 am

Quote from Lucio Buffalmano on December 17, 2021, 10:09 am
Quote from SocialPower on December 17, 2021, 9:57 am
So, if I encounter a similar situation (flirting with another guy w/ me being there and she knows), there is no power loss and it is cool to approach/text whatever from a power perspective?
It all depends on how you do it.
It's a major power loss if it looks like you're chasing.
And it's also a power loss if it looks like you're jealous (unless she was hoping you'd try to "girlfriend her up", in which case she'd welcome your jealous as the great sign she was looking for).
But if you do it smoothly, then it's all good.
And ways to make it smooth are:
Social: just treat her like someone who's close to you
Warm/happy to see her and catch up -just liked you'd be to any other person you like-
Flirting vibe: "hey, there you are, doing your usual minxy thing"
And avoid texts if you see her in person.
OFF-TOPIC
Man, this "SocialPower" is an old user I created for those who wanted to release the course all at once and didn't care about the 30-days guarantee.
It's more than one person using it, and that might create some confusion if they also decide to post in the forum.
Do you mind dropping me an email and I'll create a user just for you.
OFF-TOPIC

Ok! Great! Thanks for the answer. It all truly depends on how I do it. Last time I did it just that "social"- style. It does not matter if its on the spot (same evening) or at a later date?
I saw the first reply a bit enchanced, it is registered also.

I'll hit you up with email.

Lucio Buffalmano has reacted to this post.