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Power Dynamics of "You Are Much Better Than I Was At Your Age" in Different Contexts
I had a voice lesson.
In my situation, it's definitely not a power move.
He is the obvious authority & mentor, coupled with the fact that he was very warm & friendly.
Also, he is like probably over 60 years old.
A charming man and easy to get along, which I realised is an important attribute of a coach.
Because you want to look forward to seeing your coach.
The comment that I would like to explore is
Person: You were much better than I was at your age
In other situations, there may be a power dynamic hidden in that comment.
Especially if you are an expert & authority in that field and are building your business in that industry.
People older than you may not be happy that you are doing better than them.
In this case, it is a power move because the older person frames you as the less experienced person with less authority on the subject.
When in many cases, you can actually have more expertise in the subject at hand.
In this case, I would accept the compliment to my advantage and put the ball back in their court
Me: Thanks, I am fortunate to be in this position at this age.
I had the pleasure of working with a fantastic team.
What would you say is your biggest achievement over these years?
Yeah, these are not too bad IF they are indeed more advanced or more accomplished.
Still, there is a power move element to it, in my opinion, because:
Person: You were much better than I was at your age = but I am much better now
So, you're better in an imaginary comparison in the past, but they're re-asserting that they are better today, right now, which is what usually matters most.
But as you say, it's not a major power move if it's obviously true they're better / more skilled / more experience and/or if you're OK to grant them that power position.
Also, while they re-assert their current superiority, they are also pulling you up.
So, in case they're indeed more advanced and if you've made it obvious that you accept their superiority in a certain field or domain, then it becomes value-giving, since:
- By saying I'm better now, they're not really adding that wasn't already obvious
- But they're adding that you are better than they were
So, in net balance, if they're more advanced and you've made it clear you accept their superiority, then that sentence becomes value-giving.
