The Power of Detachment

Quote from John Freeman on October 18, 2020, 6:04 pm

Quote from Lucio Buffalmano on October 14, 2020, 11:03 am

Totally agree on making sure that what you share is valued appropriately, that's part of "fair social marketing", otherwise you give away too much and get too little in return.

That's exactly it: I was giving away too much.

Also, the environment matters.
Workplaces are more competitive by nature than friendships, so the scope for collaboration is smaller and the strategies deployed can move slightly more on the right side of the "naive - fair - cynic" scale.

Definitely. That was also my mistake: I thought that how people were at work is how they are in their private life. But I don't think it's the case. However, their behavior at work still tells a lot about them.

Quote from Lucio Buffalmano on October 18, 2020, 8:51 pm

Thank you for explaining, John!

And yes, I definitely agree with you in the second part of your message.
Some people are better at putting up a "professional", "polished" persona that might make their private true character a bit more inscrutable, but you can still tell a lot. And the more observant one becomes, the better he is at judging characters independently of where he meets them.

Quote from Transitioned on November 13, 2020, 11:08 pm

Good videos thanks John

I'm making a little checklist for myself when I get randomly challenged at meetings.    Note: this is for when you're happy to engage.  We've got plenty of great material here on how to dismiss challenges (e.g. if they were trying to de-rail your presentation)

Anything to add or focus on?

Detaching when challenged

Raise your chin up and look around a bit.

Take a deep breath (tan dien)

Move your hands away from your body (opening up)

Acknowledge the challenge – hey that’s a great question (gives you a couple of seconds to think)

Ask them a question back (moves from interrogation to dialogue and into a more win win frame)

Quote from Lucio Buffalmano on November 14, 2020, 10:09 am

Very good Transitioned, and I especially like this one:

Quote from Transitioned on November 13, 2020, 11:08 pm

Ask them a question back (moves from interrogation to dialogue and into a more win win frame)

It's easy to fall into the generally poor frame that because someone asked you something, or raised an objection, now it's up to you to defend, answer, or "satisfy them with your reply".

From a power point of view, you are giving them too much power (unless the individual is the boss, or the decision-maker, but that's a different case).
And you are letting them sway you and your goal when you take it all upon yourself.

Asking a question back maintains the frame that "this is just a question / comment from an individual, while I am the presenter, and I keep my focus on delivering my point to the whole room".