Quote from Lucio Buffalmano on February 4, 2023, 7:10 am

Great example from Bel's journal addressing me:

Quote from Bel on January 31, 2023, 3:06 pm

Ok, this I hadn’t clarified well:

He was not my customer, but (...)

And my reply:

Quote from Lucio Buffalmano on January 31, 2023, 3:10 pm

Oooh, OK, now I see, my bad then, if it wasn't a customer but (...)

It made everything easier when Bel "took responsibility" for the misunderstanding.

I didn't have to go back to assign blame or credit or to defend -or even just to "check" out of personal curiosity, which I only did now because I'm using it as an example, but not while interacting-.

Because Bel power protects, a relationship with him feels "safe".

Safe to make a mistake and not be socially scalped, safe to lower your guard.

And "safe" is the bedrock of a possible win-win.
You cannot have free-forming win-win relationship, or even any good relationship, without that bedrock (you may have business-only type of relationship, though, but that's a different thing).

These are good social signals to send.
When you send those types of signals, people feel they can deal with you openly, without defensiveness.
And they feel free to open up and share more -and they'll like you more, and want more of you around-.

That lowers the barriers of engagement: I can be with someone who behaves like Bel even when I'm off, tired, or dejected because he's not going to turn any possible slip, weakness, or mistake against me.

Compare: the effects of NOT power protecting

Now compare if Bel had said something like:

Non-power-protecting: Nope, there's a misunderstanding here, he wasn't a customer, he was...

Even without clearly saying "you got it wrong", the sub-communication is still that I probably got it wrong, caused all the misunderstanding, and provided bad advice.

Not a good signal to send for interpersonal relationships.

But also risky for the receiver's social status and reputation.

Going forward with a person like that I know I'd have to be cautious because a mistake will be costly -and I'd also consider it a lot more likely a person behaving like that may even gaslight or manipulate to inflate or create my mistakes-.

That raises the stakes of engagement: I'd have to be more careful about what I say, and... I may not always have the time or willingness to do it.

Plus, I wouldn't want to do it because it doesn't feel "safe" and because I wouldn't even like that person.

I wouldn't want to share personal stuff with such a person and I wouldn't want to meet outside of what's in it for me and business stuff.

Such as: it's a no go for a friendship.