Quote from Social_Strategist#1 on June 24, 2020, 10:28 am

There is a game that women play with me is a bit hard to explain, but it happens often enough that I assume other men have to deal with this as well. I call the game "taking the other guys side." Here's the game: It's no secret that women want to be with polite, well mannered, men who always treat all people from baristas to CEOs with the utmost respect. Any man who doesn't get this or doesn't always treat others with respect is NOT going to do well with women, probably even if he is rich, famous and good looking. So I get all that.  And yet: Sometimes I will be out with a woman, and she seems hyper focused on catching me in ANY tiny "breach" of manners and etiquette that she can possibly find: If I tipped 20%, she will say it should have been 30%.  If I said thank you, I should have said "Thank you very much."  Or: I "failed" to notice something like, for example, our waiter seems upset about something, despite the fact that I have been nothing but completely polite and respectful to him at all times and his bad mood -- if it's even real -- has nothing to do with me.  It's very hard to deal with this game because on the surface, she is acting like she is a high quality woman who is invoking notions of manners, respect, and politeness that are hard to argue with.  If I push back, I'm the bad guy with zero social intelligence who doesn't care about others etc.  You'll have to trust me when I say that I have manners and respect for others and when this happens, she is not actually so concerned about the "others" as she is about trying to find fault with me and "put me in my place." This is not her correcting bad manners that need correcting, this is "correcting me for the sake of correcting me."  This is her showing more kindness and caring for the uber driver than she ever shows for me. (And who do you think is paying and tipping the driver btw.). This is her trying to show me that anyone and anything is more important to her than I am. What adds an extra "degree of difficulty" to the situation is that I find that when this happens, it's practically always when the "other" person (uber drivers are a great example, because most uber drivers are men) is a MAN. She takes a protective, "maternal" and even slightly flirtatious stance towards the "other" man, as though she needs to shield him from my "insensitivity" which is more perceived than real or she wants to join forces with him in opposition of me. (To me, the fact that it's always another man is "proof" that this is only a test or a game.  IF I really treated people badly, imagine how any woman that I would date would react if I ever treated another WOMAN poorly.  But my behavior towards women is never challenged.) It's almost like she's "choosing" the uber driver we met 5 minutes ago over me, taking his side, making his wants and needs more important than anything esle and she is treating him with more kindness and caring that she's showing me at the time.  When this happens -- and it happens fairly often -- it puts me in a very tricky position.  First, she's calling my manners, etiquette, and social intelligence into question.  To "compound" the situation, I have to conceal my annoyance over her "choosing" the uber driver over me when she is putting on what I'm convinced is a little act.   If I push back I am showing that 1) I lack social intelligence and 2) I'm insecure at best if I'm annoyed that she is "favoring" the uber driver over me. It's not like she's going to dump me for the uber driver, so it would look really bad for me to get upset.  How do you deal with this game without looking like a jealous guy whi doesn't know how to treat people properly.