Quote from Social_Strategist#1 on July 29, 2020, 9:22 pm

In the article about 10 ways to be dominant, it correctly says that one of the key signs of dominance is to have people follow you.  This makes perfect sense in most respects.

But I believe there is one big exception to this to be addressed:

Let's say a man is taking a woman out on a dinner date.  The man and the woman enter the restaurant and go to the captain's station.  The man gives his name for the reservation.  The captain says "Your table is ready, please follow me."

This is complicated for 2 reasons: 1) You have to follow the captain, because he knows where your table is and you don't. 2) In terms of "old school 1950's" etiquette, you are ALSO supposed to let the woman go first and follow her.  So you are supposed to follow the restaurant employee (who you are sort of paying) and the woman who you are taking out to dinner.

I know that following the woman and the captain is the right thing to do in this case because women seem to "know this rule" and expect me to follow her in this case.  If this was the wrong thing to do, the woman would either flat out tell me that I don't know what I'm doing, or if she was too nice to do that, she would act uncomfortable and embarrassed to be in a nice restaurant with a man who doesn't know proper etiquette.  And when I am rejected or "called out" by a woman, it is NOT for poor etiquette.

What's more, if following in this case wasn't the proper thing to do, the captain or another member of the restaurant staff would find a way to subtly "call out" or "draw attention" to the breach of etiquette.

(Side note: You might think that's crazy or paranoid, but I have been dating women here in NYC for a quarter of a century.  I know that it is vitally important to treat the restaurant staff with courtesy and respect at all times.  It is important both because it is important to treat your fellow human beings with courtesy and respect, and it is also important because the woman is taking very careful note of how you treat the restaurant staff -- one slip on this front, and you're out.  Despite the fact that I am always the one paying for the meal and leaving the tip, I have noticed that no matter how polite I am, no matter how much I say please and thank you at the right times, no matter how much I tip, no matter how much business I give to the restaurant, the staff will not hesitate to make any opportunity to make me look bad in front of my date.  My theory is that they resent waiting on a well dressed guy who has enough money to pay for a nice dinner and is out with a beautiful woman.  They would never admit it, and they would say I'm nuts, but I know this is true.)

So: While I definitely agree that it's more dominant to lead instead of follow, I also think that the specific scenario I'm describing here is an "exception that proves the rule."  And yet, it's tricky because even though I am the man who is paying for the meal, I am supposed to follow the captain and the woman to my table.

I'd love to hear what Lucio or any of my fellow forum members has to say about this.