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Quitting bad habits(Masturbation)

I’m a college student who for more than a decade suffered to the effects of masturbating. I’m disgusted by it and I don’t know how to stop it; I tried everything. It’s an unproductive, power-draining habit, and all for a measly return.

Im scared that I might be unconsciously proud of it.

 

How do I quit it?

Hi,

I quit masturbation several years ago and could probably give some advice, though there are very likely some differences in our motivation to do so.

It would help to have some more information:

  • Does it also involve watching porn, if so - always?
  • Do you take take weed (or other drugs) while masturbating?
  • Why specifically do you want to quit - there are many good reasons to, but what are your reasons and maybe hopes (f.e. in NoFap communities there are some completely overstated and glorified effects of quitting it)
  • "suffered to the effects of masturbating" - What specifically is your problem with it (there are many but not all affect everyone).
  • "Im scared that I might be unconsciously proud of it."  What do you mean by that, proud of masturbating?

This would help me make it a bit less general.

  • Does it also involve watching porn, if so - always?

Yes it involves porn/animated porn, etc. It’s involved most of the time. And when
it’s not, I fap in my bed via fantasizing.

  • Do you take take weed (or other drugs) while masturbating?

I don’t use drugs of any kind nor do I smoke. It’s disgusting.

I’ll give you the top 3:

I feel less confidant socially even so with tough social interactions, as a result I tend to be and feel submissive. Even know I fear I might not sound like I’m telling the truth.

I lose focus; I’m more likely to forget, become bad at planning, and executing them.

I feel less masculine, consistently. That’s disappointing, doubly so towards me.

 

  • Why specifically do you want to quit - there are many good reasons to, but what are your reasons and maybe hopes (f.e. in NoFap communities there are some completely overstated and glorified effects of quitting it)

It’s unhealthy, counter-productive, and addicting .

It’s wrong trying to masturbate just because you’re over-stressed.

I’m not gonna have six pack abs instantly,

but it will improve my overall life quality, especially health by a little which is huge for me.

  • "suffered to the effects of masturbating" - What specifically is your problem with it (there are many but not all affect everyone).

I’ll give you the top 3:

I feel less confidant socially even so with tough social interactions, as a result I tend to be and feel submissive. Even know I fear I might not sound like I’m telling the truth.

I lose focus; I’m more likely to forget, become bad at planning, and executing them.  And writing my personal  experiences in a journal didn’t help me much.

I feel less masculine, consistently. That’s disappointing, doubly so towards me. It decreases testosterone

 

 

  • "Im scared that I might be unconsciously proud of it."  What do you mean by that, proud of masturbating?
    I did it for years and I became good at it. It felt good the first time any one fapped. And that’s what scary, chocolate is yummy but bad for losing weight. After I masturbate, I feel anxious and bad memories reply in my head uncontrollably.

 

I hope I was clear, anything else?

Caution – some of the things talked about here could possibly be percieved as going into (way) too explicit detail, so be aware.

 

I’m not sure if common psychology agrees with it, but I state that masturbation is clearly an addiction. As addictions I define every behaviour that isn’t necessary for your immediate personal survival (or even detriametical to it) that you can’t let go off immediatly.

(Some other more or less harmless ones are video games, watching movies, hearing music and reading on the internet, though especially the latter can be used in many very beneficial ways, but if one is being honest, one is extremely addicted to it, at least I am)

 

First thing is to make the addiction less severe. If you are an Alcoholic that drinks 1l of vodka a day (watching 1h of porn a day) it’s a lot harder to immediately stop, compared to drinking 4 beers every three days (imagination-based masturabation).

 

So it’s important to seperate porn addiction from masturbation addiction (or drug use combined with masturbation). They go “hand-in-hand” so to speak, but porn is more like an malicious upgrade to the masturbation addiction.

So I suggest you start by stopping watching porn completely, only your own fantasies allowed. In the beginning it might be “necessary” to jerk off to memories of porn, as that is still less bad than watching an additional porn. The progress should be:

watching porn → jerking off to memories of porn → jerking off to your own fantasies that are still related to porn → jerking off to your own fantasies that aren’t related to porn

 

It is also important to make yourself clear that you – the one who wants to stop masturbating wont always be there. You will be somewhat overpowered by -also you- that kind of knows masturbation is bad-ish but desperately looks for any excuse to “screw that ('Only one more time!')”.

 

Depending on what stage you are the following tips may help. First porn in particular and then simple masturbation.

 

  • It helps immensely having a list about bad sides of porn handy to immediately re-read when the urge calls. For example porn is not at all reality in countless ways, the woman are plastered in make up, have a bleached butthole, have implants and countless other possible ways of fakery, and it lacks smell (can be a type of glorification, because reality can smell pretty disgusting). Anime porn is even worse because literally everything is fake. Reality is not as attractive as porn is, just like COD is not like how war is. Porn is very toxic and implants harmful nonsense in you subcounscious, and you should further research all the bad sides and the fakeness that are implemented in it (especially the moment you really want to watch some).

 

  • Look up -porn-stars without makeup- and store the images you find in a folder on your device. Whenever you want porn look at these images (spoiler: most porn-stars are not really attractive without makeup.)

 

  • Also block porn ideally system wide. One way is to change the DNS-Server in your router to one that blocks all porn. You could use a browser extension on top of that too. The goal here is it to make it uncomfortable and uneasy as possible to watch porn. You'll likely still see yourself in a desperate moment of painful urge trying to circumvent it, but it will still take time and you will undeniable realise -this is not what sober me wants-. And that starts to help mid-term. Ideally you couldn’t even circumvent it, f.e. if you tell your roomate to configure your router in this way and tell him that he should under no circumstances tell you the password to change the configuration. Obviously locally saved porn needs to be deleted too.

 

 

Now assuming you manage to abstain from porn. Even if you had weeks of masturbation freedom, it still takes only a few seconds of weakness, and you find yourself mangling your schlong. (Though it gets way easier, the beginning is the hardest by far, like in most other addictions as well.) So it is important to be prepared, here are a few effective ideas:

 

  • As with any addiction, space out the consumption. If you masturbated once a day, now go for once every three days etc. and continuosly space out more. Once you are at once every two weeks I think you are over the hill for the most part and can aim now for bigger amounts of time.

 

  • Have a list of all the terrible aspects of jerking off handy too, so if you get overpowered by that urge – make it as easy as possible to not “forget” about all the bad sides you try to avoid, as the one desperately looking for an excuse will coincidetally not remember the downsides. If you failed and still got overpowered by your addiction, read the listimmediately afterwards, so you know how bad it was - that hurts a bit more but it makes it more likely you will suceed in the future.

 

  • Only touch your penis when you urinate or clean him while showering. No other types of touching whatsoever - this is a very crucial aspekt of it all, because we often don’t really realize how horny we get from uncounsciously massaging our dicks.

 

  • Make yourself aware how absolutely disgusting the human body really is – as the sex you are fantasizing about is nothing more than sticking a swollen pisspipe into a slimeslit that urinates too. And both are very close to holes that constantly excrate literall shit.

 

  • Take the last step even further – this is probably the most effective you can do, it will likely work, but it may even traumatize you. Ask google images about pictures of menstruation and vaginal/zervix slime and common problem womes have with those and look up how a hairy vagina naturally looks like. Even further look up how it looks like when a girl takes a dump, farts or urinates from the perspective of a toilet. You could also watch gory birth and post-birth videos to make you aware of what the sexdrive is trying to get you to do. This is all meant to make the disgusting sides aware and will likely totally turn you off (well I hope so :D). Just repeat it whenever you feel like masturbating. I personally wonder how any gynecologist can have a sex life at all. (This is not to say the male body weren’t disgusting – it totally is, but I’m describing the process from a male perspective.)

 

  • Also just with the pornstars without makeup – most women push themselves some points higher on the scale of attractiveness than they really are without makeup, so in general I really recommend looking up  “makeup before and after” or “fakeup examples” etc. in the imagesearch

 

  • Make yourself aware that the fantasies you are masturbating to are nothing more than pathetic delusions. Did any of them ever happen or could they even? Most likely they are just as likely as porn. You are deluding yourself and escape from a reality without sex that you can’t deal with and that’s why you masturbate as a cope.

 

In the final stage: you could plan your next and maybe last masturbation to be in the following epic way: Do it in front of a big mirror while looking yourself in the eye without ever looking away. – While this sounds like the most narcistic way one could possibly masturbate, it is actually quite effective to make very clear:

- It’s pathetic.

- You don’t actually need women (or men) to ejaculate, it is simply something that happens after physical stimulus (as long as you aren’t completely disgusted), and you can break that conditioning to the female body. If you achieve this you likely wont need to masturbate at all.

 

As with other addictions too eventually you will be in a mindset where you don’t even remember when the last time were you masturbated because it is so far away and you simply stopped caring a long time ago. Though you may notice that society tries quite many things to get you to think about sex, especially advertisement, but movies as well.

 

Hello, I’m currently replying to Anon  message #4 on every paragraph.

I usually watch porn/ erotic art when I feel horny or when I’m overwhelmed in my life. So one leads to the other.

But getting out of my head is a start.

I’ll take your suggestion: no more watch porn, only fantasies.

I can’t promise I’ll be the “person” who is going to quit masturbating always(yet); but if I’m like that %85 of the time, it’s a good start or progression.

 

I get sex could be disgusting at times with porn. I’m a virgin so I wouldn’t know from experience.

I looked up porn stars without make; total turn-off and shock. Thank you infinitely for that.

All known +18 websites are blocked from my server.

I can start spacing out once a week. I’ll space it out even more. Should I have a counter that counts the days I went on without masturbating? I fear it could be counterproductive

The many negative sides of masturbating are:

Speech impediment

Shame

Lack of focus

Extra fearful

Decrease in muscle mass

Anxiety

Balding

Sudden laziness

Lack of motivation.

etc.

I’ll stop touching my dick outside of the shower

When you talk about how disgusting the human body is in sex, suddenly I feel uncomfortable.

Don’t push it with the mensural cycle, I might masturbate but I even I know sex leads to making children. Nothing wrong with having kids. I’ll take it as a last resort, God forbid it ever leads to this.

I guess so they up their attractiveness with makeup, but will I love someone even without make up? It’s a turnoff right away

  • Make yourself aware that the fantasies you are masturbating to are nothing more than pathetic delusions. Did any of them ever happen or could they even? Most likely they are just as likely as porn. You are deluding yourself and escape from a reality without sex that you can’t deal with and that’s why you masturbate as a cope.

You’re right, I was pathetic

Baby steps than the epic mirror finale.

 

If entertainment and advertising does make me think about sex, then they should be ashamed.

 

Thank you for reading.

I welcome anyone to share their thought.

Quote from Sa’ad on October 16, 2020, 7:01 pm

I can start spacing out once a week. I’ll space it out even more. Should I have a counter that counts the days I went on without masturbating? I fear it could be counterproductive

Once a week sounds good for the beginning - if a counter helps and motivates you, you can use it. At some point later it likely won't matter anymore - if it's 400 days or 430 becomes irrelevant for the most part, but in the beginning 30 days are a lot.

Quote from Sa’ad on October 16, 2020, 7:01 pm
You’re right, I was pathetic

Hoenstly this statement was probably a bit too harsh, it's meant to spike your pride a bit, as fapping isn't particularly glorious.

 

Quote from Sa’ad on October 16, 2020, 7:01 pm

When you talk about how disgusting the human body is in sex, suddenly I feel uncomfortable.

Hm didn't meant to cause that, I'm pretty used to simply say what I think, though there are certainly some harsh truths here and there.

Quote from Sa’ad on October 16, 2020, 7:01 pm

Nothing wrong with having kids.

Sorry but hard disagreement here - the world is a dumpster and everyone knows it.

Quote from Sa’ad on October 16, 2020, 7:01 pm
Baby steps than the epic mirror finale.

Interested in updates, I personally needed several weeks if not months to eventually achieve it, but you may be faster, even a lot faster than me.

Quote from Sa’ad on October 16, 2020, 7:01 pm

If entertainment and advertising does make me think about sex, then they should be ashamed.

Yes - unfortunately 'sex sells' after all.