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Receiving late birthday wishes
Hi Guys!
Here is a new thing I am seeing: some people sending me birthday wishes one or two days late.
Here are two I received. This was one-day late:
One relative: Bel good day, I wanted to send you many birthday wishes even if a little late. A hug to you
Another person, this time two days after my birthday:
Another relative: Hi Bel I'm sorry if I send you with delay, many many birthday wishes. I hope you had a celebration with a good cake. Wishes again by ... [many emoticons of cakes and flowers]
I am wondering if these merit being addressed, and how. So far I responded normally to the first example above, and did not respond to the second. But I am thinking that responding with thanks was a mistake in the first case also, because it equals to letting a form of disrespect go by.
I remember a former contact of mine who deliberately tested me with a phone call days after my birthay, and the conversation went like this:
Him: Bel a serious thing happened.
Me: What?
Him: I forgot to wish you a happy birthday days ago!
Me: Oh, don't worry.
And, of course, manipulation and disrespect started pouring in.
So my feeling now is that these kinds of things must be checked.
My take at answering my question. I could answer these kinds of messages with something like:
I had almost removed you from my contacts :-) See you soon
Or:
Thanks all the same :)
Or:
Birthday wishes are always welcome, even if it's not my birthday anymore :)
On second thought these don't seem ideal though, because even if they hint at consequences, they thread-expand on the other person forgetting.
I'm stumped here guys, do you have any ideas?
Edit: I'm reviewing PU's lesson on beating "I'm busy", and this could be another take (even if it's not technically true):
All good, I've been celebrating all these days and have just returned to normal, so perfect time to write me. See you soon.
Naaah. Maybe just not answering is best.
Hi Bel
I wouldn't worry too much about it. Even if a little late, they did reach out to you after all, so there was some effort from their part. I wouldn't consider this as a form of disrespect because, as much as people forgetting your birthday sucks, people do not exactly owe you timely messages, or even messages at all - especially if they are not so close relatives or friends. That is why we can't adress it or try to surface it without risking being perceived as entitled or ungrateful.
If it didn't happen before and now routinely happens, then it may be a sign of (I'd say, for now, mild) dissatisfaction from their part. But it's also a sign that they care and that you still have a relationship. I think the PU lesson on adressing root causes instead of surface issues, despite being in the relationship module, applies to this case. But here I'd say this root cause should be adressed slowly, over time, and very indirectly.
I would thank them and show some warmth to rebuild goodwill - a birthday message is a gift, after all. And if you don't answer, you are both risking coming accross as rude and losing an opportunity to show them that, whatever happened between you, it's all right.
"Thanks all the same 🙂" and "Birthday wishes are always welcome 🙂" are both good. In fact I would combine them and change them slightly so as not to draw attention to the fact that they forgot your birthday:
Thanks all the same. Birthday wishes are always welcome 🙂
But this one:
I had almost removed you from my contacts 🙂 See you soon
I would avoid at all costs.
By the way, happy birthday, man! (I just got to know it has been your birthday recently, so I can :D LOL)
Thanks Kavalier!
For your post (which is very on point and spot on, a pleasure to read you) and for the wishes!
I’ll wait before answering to think about it more
Funny, the "late birthday wishes" is little technique in Seduction University to make your text stand out and potentially rekindle things with a girl you've met in the past (including example of how it worked out).
However, I'd be very careful in jumping to conclusions that those delays are done on purpose.
I agree with Kavalier here.
Generallly speaking, albeit everything's possible, I wouldn't think that a delayed bday wish is a power move.
And of course... Happy (belated) birthday Bel!! :)
Nothing to add. Better late than never. :) Happy birthday!
Agree with Kavalier and Lucio on this one.
And, of course...Happy (belated) birthday, Bel!
Thank you Guys!
I think Kavalier is on point, and this is this person's way of showing dissatisfaction with our latest interaction. This relative basically wanted to keep me on the phone for an hour to ask me for help for a little problem, and I stayed on it for some time, but then I said that for the moment we couldn't do anything (which was true), and that if consequences arose in the future, just call me then I will help.
I think I’m going to thank this person, and ask how it went with that thing. This should address the underlying cause.
So, conclusion seems to be that one day of delay in these things is no problem, and that must be why I answered those messages immediately without thinking much about it.
On the contrary, two/three or more days late, especially from a person who was always on time on these things, could be a way of saying something; and that's probably why I wrote here.
Yeah, makes sense, if you know the backstory and:
- He had a reason to be annoyed with you
- He's usually on time
Then the context changes and it's fair to think it was a passive-aggressive move to "get back at you".
Better still, is your solution though:
Quote from Bel on June 15, 2022, 5:43 pmI think I’m going to thank this person, and ask how it went with that thing. This should address the underlying cause.
Yep, that's proper eagle strategizing.
Rather than descending into a petty squabble, whenever possible, mend things and go higher for win-win.
