Quote from Matthew Whitewood on October 3, 2021, 5:42 am

Purpose of this Thread

This is a reflection on the exchange on Forum rules, usability, changing titles starting from #35.
It's not directed specifically at Lucio but at everyone to get more thoughts & opinions.

I wanted to share my thoughts on the importance of framing something as asking for feedback or a discussion upon bringing a topic up.

Context

The main issue was that I didn't make it clear whether I was asking for feedback or personal clarification (more 2-way discussion) at the start.
I was looking for both feedback and personal clarifications regarding how to use the forum.

As such, I felt that Lucio was looking at our exchange as him giving me feedback and then the onus is on me whether to take that feedback.

I was looking at the interaction as more as personal clarification and discussion.
I wanted to ask for Lucio's thoughts then share my thoughts and ask him what he thinks afterwards.
In that sense, I was still looking for feedback but I wanted to share my thoughts as well.
More discussion-style.

This idea came to mind because you mentioned

I felt off-topic and moving away from practical implications as well in that particular case.
But feel free to disagree and we can happily and cordially agree to disagree here.

So this framed the discussion as to whether I agreed with your feedback.
Now, upon reflecting, this was a feedback-receiver dynamic.

I think this has a lot of ramifications.
If it's a feedback session, firstly I'm expending social credit to ask for feedback and continue the discussion.
So I may be viewed as taking value.

Secondly, I play within the feedback's frame so, thinking differently from the given feedback may seem defensive.
Maybe another question is how to graciously present a different view from the given feedback.
So that the feedback giver feels appreciated for his time and effort in giving the feedback.

If it's a discussion/clarification session, then it's bringing up an issue in the context of the forum relationship.
Then, the question becomes what sort of forum relationship it is.
If it's balanced in terms of social exchange, then the social exchange will depend on how much each of us gets out of the discussion.
If it's not balanced, then I believe it will erode social capital at least at the start because it takes up time from the feedback giver.

Final Thoughts

Personal issues may tend to run into some hidden dynamics in my opinion.
Like someone viewing themselves as the feedback giver and the other as the feedback receiver.

For example, when we talk about design, a more neutral topic, or another social situation as third parties, then it becomes a more natural, objective discussion.

So it's important to frame things in a certain manner when bringing up a discussion.

In my opinion, when bringing up issues

• with a person involved in the discussion, ask for discussion & clarification because you may want to talk things through.
• with a person uninvolved in the discussion, ask for feedback to get third-party, neutral feedback.

Feel Free to Jump In

Lucio and I already had quite a long discussion on the other thread.
So I don't expect Lucio to continue this discussion since it probably took up quite a bit of his time.

As always, feel free for anyone to jump in and share their thoughts on what happened.