"Hang up now" telephone power move
Hi,
I have been on the receiving side of an interesting power move when on a call with one of my close relatives,
While having a typical conversation, where we are catching up with each other's lives, they use the power move which I know is unintentional, and said with no malice in them, but nevertheless it dis-empowers me.
T: It was great catching up with you, if there is anything for you to tell me, tell me now or hang up.(They ask me to hang up, because they assume I might have something to talk about or share)
Me: Nothing else, good day to you too ( Used this line a couple of times, it still dis-empowers me, because they set the frame and I follow it)
I tried this response too
Me: There is nothing else to tell, if there was I will tell it.
T: That's good, then you can hang up now.
Me: Ya, good day then
How would you guys handle this interaction?
Thank You
T: It was great catching up with you, if there is anything for you to tell me, tell me now or hang up.
This is powermove is giving you an order like you are an underling.
Response :- Do you have anything to say? Make it quick if you do else hang up.
That's good, then you can hang up now.
This is powermove is giving you permission to hang up.
Response :- I like how you wait for me. Good bye.
If I was in you position, I would keep my guards up around this relative for any power moves he/she might make in the future and based on that keep pushing them away.
Feel free to share your thoughts.
Yeah, that's a rather annoying form of tasking / ordering you around.
Are these relatives older or some type of characters -very direct, or a bit grouchy-?
If so, it may be a question of personality, rather than not respecting you.
Of course, still not cool, it's not like "personality" warrants anyone a free pass to be a dick and disempower others.
Growfast's responses are solid.
The only thing I'd worry about is that you may end up trading power moves with them being none the wiser.
So in this case, I'd like to surface it so you can address it more openly.
For example:
Him: It was great catching up with you, if there is anything for you to tell me, tell me now or hang up.
You: Yeah, no, thanks for saying that, I was actually planning to stay on the line without saying anything for the next 3 hours
If they laugh, great: they probably got it it wasn't cool and nothing else may be needed.
A lot of power-aware folks get it whenever you bring attention to the power move, no explanation needed.
If they don't get it, that's your bridge to address it more openly.
Even if you're at a loss of words about what's happening and why it's not cool, the basic first step is quite simple: tell them not to do what felt annoying to you.
Ie.:
Him: I don't get it, I just said that it was nice catching up and that if we're done, we can end it
You: Yeah man, right, it was nice catching indeed. But permission to be frank, it's a bit annoying to hear someone tell you to hang up
This is not perfect or "advanced" in any way, but it's "effective enough". You don't need perfection.
And it's simple enough that you can do it in almost any situation.
If they don't understand, you paraphrase in your own words why it's annoying:
You: Yeah, you know, you tell me what to do and when to do it... It's not like I'm a dog waiting for instructions. I know when it's time to hang up. It's at the end of the conversation. And when you tell me to do what's obvious to do, it feels like you're taking me for stupid you know.
And nobody likes to be taken for stupid
The only major challenge, in this case, is having the resolve to do it.
And the "secret" for that is to simply start saying it.
Worst case scenario: you may mumble it in the beginning, you may stumble upon yourself... And it's still great.
Just by doing or saying anything you're "raising the issue" so to speak. That, just by itself, sub-communicates that:
- "you understood the power move"
- "you're not happy with it"
- "you expect a different/more respectful behavior"
That's your 80%,
P.S.: Title change
I changed the title man, check here.
Quote from Growfast on December 24, 2022, 8:17 amT: It was great catching up with you, if there is anything for you to tell me, tell me now or hang up.
This is powermove is giving you an order like you are an underling.
Response :- Do you have anything to say? Make it quick if you do else hang up.
That's good, then you can hang up now.
This is powermove is giving you permission to hang up.
Thank you Growfast,
Response :- Do you have anything to say? Make it quick if you do else hang up.
This a good option to explore.
Response :- I like how you wait for me. Good bye.
This I'll save for when the big guns are needed.
Quote from Lucio Buffalmano on December 24, 2022, 11:21 amYeah, that's a rather annoying form of tasking / ordering you around.
Are these relatives older or some type of characters -very direct, or a bit grouchy-?
Yes they are older! (Surprised you noticed that) and might be a bit of a personality thing, since they seem to respect me in other things and a tad grouchy, direct too.
The only thing I'd worry about is that you may end up trading power moves with them being none the wiser.
I agree, I was going to use it only as a last resort if such a situation ever came.
Him: It was great catching up with you, if there is anything for you to tell me, tell me now or hang up.
You: Yeah, no, thanks for saying that, I was actually planning to stay on the line without saying anything for the next 3 hours
This had me laughing a lot, wow, it neither escalates nor does it ignore it. I don't see how else they could respond to this other than the ones you mentioned.
This is not perfect or "advanced" in any way, but it's "effective enough". You don't need perfection.
And it's simple enough that you can do it in almost any situation.
Yes, this was an amazing tool that you provided, simple and effective.
Worst case scenario: you may mumble it in the beginning, you may stumble upon yourself... And it's still great.
Just by doing or saying anything you're "raising the issue" so to speak. That, just by itself, sub-communicates that:
- "you understood the power move"
- "you're not happy with it"
- "you expect a different/more respectful behavior"
That's your 80%,
Thank you for the answer Lucio