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Role models and the question of (genuine) love

#1 · January 24, 2021, 8:21 pm

Quote from ZenDancer on January 24, 2021, 8:21 pm
Hi there folks,
The frame of 'high power, high warmth' is becoming more of a habit for me, and I find it very effective in social situations. In making use of it and developing this side of myself, I realised that an old friend of mine - someone I unfortunately haven't seen in some years - was a great model of this. He's basically someone who naturally seems to have tremendous self-confidence, but he also seems to just love pretty much everyone. He meets every encounter with great warmth for and interest in whoever is standing in front of him, but he really doesn't seem to have any insecurities or self-doubt. Needless to say, when we were growing up together, he was always hugely popular with both men and women...
'Love´is a very loaded word, and has many different meanings to different people. One thing I find interesting is that a lot of hippy/new agey types profess to 'love everyone', but they don't naturally manifest that warmth in day to day interactions. Then there are also a lot of people who profess to love those around them, but they are emotionally blocked and insecure - in reality, I think, they have confused genuine love for others with a yearning to be loved BY others - not the same thing at all. On rare occasions, we encounter people who have a tremendous love for the people around them, but they don't have neediness to be loved or validated by others. Their love comes from a place of wholeness, integrity and strength. People like that are rare enough to find, but they tend to make quite an impression when we do encounter them...
I'm dubious of the term 'role model', because I think there can be a danger of falling into the pattern of trying to mimick someone else's behavior or personality, rather than fully developing and embracing one's own. But that said, it can also be very helpful to have a model or reference in mind for what 'high power, high warmth' looks like...
I'm wondering have others had people like that in their lives and what have you learned from them?
Thanks,
Lucas

Hi there folks,

The frame of 'high power, high warmth' is becoming more of a habit for me, and I find it very effective in social situations. In making use of it and developing this side of myself, I realised that an old friend of mine - someone I unfortunately haven't seen in some years - was a great model of this. He's basically someone who naturally seems to have tremendous self-confidence, but he also seems to just love pretty much everyone. He meets every encounter with great warmth for and interest in whoever is standing in front of him, but he really doesn't seem to have any insecurities or self-doubt. Needless to say, when we were growing up together, he was always hugely popular with both men and women...

'Love´is a very loaded word, and has many different meanings to different people. One thing I find interesting is that a lot of hippy/new agey types profess to 'love everyone', but they don't naturally manifest that warmth in day to day interactions. Then there are also a lot of people who profess to love those around them, but they are emotionally blocked and insecure - in reality, I think, they have confused genuine love for others with a yearning to be loved BY others - not the same thing at all. On rare occasions, we encounter people who have a tremendous love for the people around them, but they don't have neediness to be loved or validated by others. Their love comes from a place of wholeness, integrity and strength. People like that are rare enough to find, but they tend to make quite an impression when we do encounter them...

I'm dubious of the term 'role model', because I think there can be a danger of falling into the pattern of trying to mimick someone else's behavior or personality, rather than fully developing and embracing one's own. But that said, it can also be very helpful to have a model or reference in mind for what 'high power, high warmth' looks like...

I'm wondering have others had people like that in their lives and what have you learned from them?

Thanks,

Lucas

Matthew Whitewood has reacted to this post.

#2 · January 24, 2021, 9:07 pm

Quote from ZenDancer on January 24, 2021, 8:21 pm
I'm dubious of the term 'role model', because I think there can be a danger of falling into the pattern of trying to mimick someone else's behavior or personality, rather than fully developing and embracing one's own. But that said, it can also be very helpful to have a model or reference in mind for what 'high power, high warmth' looks like...

Yeah, mimicking is very popular in self-development, but you rarely see anyone warning on the potential downsides of it.
I like what you said, I agree with it.

I'm wondering have others had people like that in their lives and what have you learned from them?

Definitely.
A few times I've encoutered someone that made me think "this guy is so far ahead of me", and I sometimes took notes.

One thing to keep in mind though is that advanced guys are rare, so sometimes you might be learning from someone who is ahead of you, but still not great, so you also learn a few wrong things.

And another great opportunity is to learn from what others do wrong. That's also an endless well of wisdom.

Matthew Whitewood, Transitioned and ZenDancer have reacted to this post.

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