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Self Amusing Friend
Hi
I had the opportunity to come across the self amusing dominance style friend, something very similar to this, https://thepowermoves.com/forum/topic/the-self-amusing-dominance-style/?part=1
I wanted to analyze this interaction.
Lets's call my friend T
I invite him along to my friends place and he doesn't know anyone there, but since he knows me he agrees,
When everyone is gathered, T starts ribbing me, about the usual stuff, after a while others pitch in and start ribbing me.
T: He is beginning to regret inviting me here, he never imagined I would rib him like this, if he had known he wouldn't have invited me. (I know I have to reply but am unsure about how).
T: Are you getting offended, should we stop?
Me: Let's move on from me
Others: Ya I think he is getting offended, you can read in his face, it's different when he is not offended.
T: Sorry if I offended you, I didn't mean to rib you this hard ( Very disempowering to me)
Me: It's all good T, let's go grab a bite to eat.
T: See, he wants me to step out so that he can dish back whatever I have given him here
Then T goes on to build me up as a ladies man. everyone leaves and we go grab lunch. Again T asks me if I was offended and that he was really sorry about it.
T is a guy who is great and bonding, connecting and vibing with people, even though he had ribbed me I was partly marveling at the ease with which he bonded with my friends so easily, although it was their first meeting.
Next day when invited him for an event he said he didn't want to come, but when I insisted, he said he would attend the event only because I had asked him, then he says that is how friends work, friends who rib each other and go to events when their friends call them (Perhaps a judger move)
How would you have handled this, or what are your thoughts on this?
Thank you
T: He is beginning to regret inviting me here, he never imagined I would rib him like this, if he had known he wouldn't have invited me. (I know I have to reply but am unsure about how).
T: Are you getting offended, should we stop?
Maverick :- You are like a puppy barking for attention.
Anyone who says are you offended after ribbing you is definitely not someone you want to be around with.
He was definitely dominating you and comes across as a social climber.
As for responses
T: Sorry if I offended you, I didn't mean to rib you this hard ( Very disempowering to me)
Maverick :- You tried dude but it's ok you can do well next time.
T: See, he wants me to step out so that he can dish back whatever I have given him here.
Maverick : He loves my attention.
Whenever someone makes a joke at your expense it is best to act a mix of bored and amused so that the guy looks like a try hard.
If possible it is best to tease someone back if they tease you.
(a insult delivered with a smirk will also be ok since you can always say you were joking just like him, if he says something you can always say how he can't take what he dishes out)
Hey Maverick,
There's a lesson in PU with that, and usually you get more strategies and techniques in PU, so you'll get to it.
Growfast gave you great option if you want to battle it out.
I wasn't there but personally, I think, the main issue may be your attitude:
Consider loosening up man.
Unless he was offensive, in which case of course we're dealing with a difference case, then he's joking around and one-upping a bit, that's how some men socialize in groups, adapt and do the same back on him.
Start with taking things not too personally: if it's a good joke, laugh about it.
As long as it's not offensive, you can even build on it a bit and show that you really have a strong antifragile ego.
Then, turn it on him, joke back, and bust his balls as well.
If you cannot think of anything, here's just an idea:
Maverick: (smiles) yeah, so funny man, so funny (with the attitude of "that wasn't really that funny)
Guy: (jokes more)
Maverick: this guy really likes joking around
And if he's getting really annoying, you can just say it:
Guy: (jokes more) are you getting offended, shall we stop?
Maverick: well, it's not "we", it "you" mate (<---- remove his group cover) and yes, it's wearing a bit thin now
Growfast gave you great option if you want to battle it out.
Ya, this time I wanted to give it back but was unsure how to go about it in a socially adroit manner.
I wasn't there but personally, I think, the main issue may be your attitude:
Consider loosening up man.
I agree with you on this,I was pretty chill with it all, how do you loosen up while not allowing yourself to be dis-empowered? seems contradictory
Unless he was offensive, in which case of course we're dealing with a difference case, then he's joking around and one-upping a bit, that's how some men socialize in groups, adapt and do the same back on him.
Start with taking things not too personally: if it's a good joke, laugh about it.
As long as it's not offensive, you can even build on it a bit and show that you really have a strong antifragile ego.Then, turn it on him, joke back, and bust his balls as well.
Sounds good
If you cannot think of anything, here's just an idea:
Maverick: (smiles) yeah, so funny man, so funny (with the attitude of "that wasn't really that funny)
Guy: (jokes more)
Maverick: this guy really likes joking around
Low effort and keeps the vibe going, Awesome!
And if he's getting really annoying, you can just say it:
Guy: (jokes more) are you getting offended, shall we stop?
Maverick: well, it's not "we", it "you" mate (<---- remove his group cover) and yes, it's wearing a bit thin now
Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this Lucio.
Quote from Growfast on November 3, 2022, 11:02 pmMaverick :- You are like a puppy barking for attention.
What?
Anyone who says are you offended after ribbing you is definitely not someone you want to be around with.
He was definitely dominating you and comes across as a social climber.
Ya I felt that too, but since it was happening in an amusing manner, I couldn't do it in the same manner.
As for responses
T: Sorry if I offended you, I didn't mean to rib you this hard ( Very disempowering to me)
Maverick :- You tried dude but it's ok you can do well next time.
I love this, thank you man
T: See, he wants me to step out so that he can dish back whatever I have given him here.
Maverick : He loves my attention.
so effective.
Whenever someone makes a joke at your expense it is best to act a mix of bored and amused so that the guy looks like a try hard.
If possible it is best to tease someone back if they tease you.
(a insult delivered with a smirk will also be ok since you can always say you were joking just like him, if he says something you can always say how he can't take what he dishes out)
I try to tease them back, but my attempts are clumsy and I'm concerned that I might actually offend and kill the mood.
Thanks Growfast
Quote from Maverick on November 4, 2022, 7:28 pmI agree with you on this,I was pretty chill with it all, how do you loosen up while not allowing yourself to be dis-empowered? seems contradictory
Yes, but only if what he said was truly offensive.
Instead, what disempowered you even more in the interaction as you described it, is that you acted offended but didn't own up to it -and when you come across as offended while denying it, that's unassertive and low-power (and it's what soured the vibe in that interaction)-.
Loosening up and laughing at a joke also doesn't mean laughing at everything he says, for hours straight.
It means you're able to laugh at yourself and "take it" -which shows some good inner confidence and antifragile ego-, while you also can dish it out and while you also can demand to stop it if it's getting offensive or too much.
Those concepts aren't mutually exclusive, they co-exist.
Instead, what disempowered you even more in the interaction as you described it, is that you acted offended but didn't own up to it -and when you come across as offended while denying it, that's unassertive and low-power (and it's what soured the vibe in that interaction)-.
My actions and words weren't congruent, I figured by admitting I was offended, it would disempower me and make me seem fragile, I was trying to be Anti-Fragile by the "fake it till you make it" path, but in hindsight being congruent might have served me better.
Quote from Maverick on November 5, 2022, 7:56 amMy actions and words weren't congruent, I figured by admitting I was offended, it would disempower me and make me seem fragile, I was trying to be Anti-Fragile by the "fake it till you make it" path, but in hindsight being congruent might have served me better.
The idea itself was OK, sometimes it's fair to deny.
However, rarely so when it's obvious to everyone that it's bothering you.
Then it feels like that famous painting of a pipe picture with the catpion "this is not a pipe".
Keep going through PU and you'll see some great real-life examples of high-power ways to admit your true feelings (one of them is under "how to be straight").
However, rarely so when it's obvious to everyone that it's bothering you
I see, how that might be dis-empowering
Keep going through PU and you'll see some great real-life examples of high-power ways to admit your true feelings (one of them is under "how to be straight").
Thanks for the analysis Lucio.
