Quote from B on October 19, 2023, 2:05 pm

Hi Power Duck,

it's a very interesting question that I'll follow.

In my experience, the best absolute way is to "prevent hurt" by being able to reduce the amount of "successful power moves" one encounters: whether by learning to check them correctly for the next time, or by removing oneself from the power mover's presence (at least for the time needed to heal and learn).

If hurt has already taken in, I suppose the passage of time is the only thing that heals, if coupled with allowing oneself to process accumulated hurt by feeling the emotions fully, even in solitude.

In this vein, listening to music, meditating, going to the threatre, watching an emotional movie, can also work: they favor catharsis by making the watcher "free to emote" by either allowing him to identify with another fictional situation (which is "more acceptable to the ego" than letting emotions flow for one's own hurt, but has a similar effect), or freeing mental "space and time" to let emotions flow.

One thing Brian Tracy used to suggest was sitting still and quietly, without doing anything and letting thoughts and emotions flow freely, for one hour.

(I suppose, speaking abstractly, that one other thing that "somewhat works" is "taking it out with power moves on another unrelated innocent person".

This, after all, is the modus operandi of those that already have their self-esteem demolished to the level of "humiliated fury": they are only able to attach negatively by demeaning others, which proves that power moving on others after having been power moved "works", albeit temporarily.

The issue is not only that it is evil, but also that it destroys rapport and relationships, and in the long run it lowers self-esteem even more: so I would not go that route.)

Quote from Power Duck on October 19, 2023, 4:02 pm

Thanks Bel.

In this vein, listening to music, meditating, going to the threatre, watching an emotional movie, can also work: they favor catharsis by making the watcher "free to emote" by either allowing him to identify with another fictional situation (which is "more acceptable to the ego" than letting emotions flow for one's own hurt, but has a similar effect), or freeing mental "space and time" to let emotions flow.

Off topic

I find this really interesting, nowadays there's a particular trend among lonely, "depressed" or struggling men to identify with fictional characters which usually follow the archetype of the "lone and unknown hero" (Guts from Berserk, Travis Bickle from taxi driver, pretty much all characters played by Ryan Gosling, etc) The fact that identifying with a similar situation/character better allows a person to release and cope with negative emotion would explain those trends.

End off topic

One thing Brian Tracy used to suggest was sitting still and quietly, without doing anything and letting thoughts and emotions flow freely, for one hour.

Will probably try this from now on.

Agree with the grey part:

(I suppose, speaking abstractly, that one other thing that "somewhat works" is "taking it out with power moves on another unrelated innocent person".

Pulling some power moves on the power mover could work, albeit, personally I've found that it doesn't make you feel much better, a bit? yes. But even then it doesn't last that much.

Thanks again.

Cheers.

 

Quote from John Freeman on October 19, 2023, 8:19 pm

Hello Power Duck,

in my experience what heals me are 2 main things:

Introspection

Why did I feel like that? what did I do wrong? How could have done differently?

This understanding helps me to understand why I found myself in this situation and what do I feel and how do I feel? Do I feel guilty? Shameful? Alright I feel shameful so it was a shame attack. What was this person shaming me about? Do I have a (fixed) identity around it? Do I have an insecurity about it?

This helps me to identify insecurities to work on them. So in the future the attack is pointless as there is no more insecurity. I just don't care anymore. Make fun of my age? Feel like shit, understand I have an insecurity around my age. I work on it and 1-2 months later I don't have it anymore. So now please do attack on my age. I do this insecurity by insecurity. Of course we will always have insecurities. It's not about being perfect.

Introspection is helpful not only in understanding our own functioning but also to prevent future power moves. So to me it's the foundation.

Talking with friends

That allows one to solidify their perception of reality that it's the other person who was in the wrong. I use it and I feel better afterwards.

Talking with friends helps with feeling better I believe. Here I would not recommend the frame: "look what this person done to me... I feel bad" and looking for reassurance/emotional support. It's more of the: "look what that guy did, what do you think about it?". So to me it's more useful to talk with friends to have a cognitive understanding rather than emotional support. So you can see through other people's eyes and learn from their social intelligence as well.

Quote from Power Duck on October 19, 2023, 11:18 pm

Thanks John.

Hadn't thought about neither of those options, will def try them.

Why did I feel like that? what did I do wrong? How could have done differently?

This understanding helps me to understand why I found myself in this situation and what do I feel and how do I feel? Do I feel guilty? Shameful? Alright I feel shameful so it was a shame attack. What was this person shaming me about? Do I have a (fixed) identity around it? Do I have an insecurity about it?

One detaches from the situation and analyzes it as a "social scientists", it's not personal anymore, it's simply about facts and improvements. I find this brilliant.

Thanks again.

Cheers.

Quote from Carlosortega on October 31, 2023, 7:19 pm

I use it as FUEL to improve myself—work harder on my purpose, lift heavier in the gym, dial in my meditation and stretching, working on my voice, taking care of my mental health, and appearance. Then, next time it comes around you'll have more presence of mind, self-esteem, and resolve. Like Robert Greene said: "Make the mind tougher by exposing it to adversity." Self-compassion is also KEY.

Writing about it helps extract the lessons out of the experience and strategize.

Like Bel said the best antidote is to get good at checking them in real time, and meditation helps A LOT with that. It's almost like a super power for detachment and emotional stoicism. Even micro-meditations throughout the day help: close your eyes take in 10 breathes in and out with full focus on the breath, repeat multiple times throughout the day. Avoid too many mind-fragmenting, context-switching activities (scrolling through social media) that make you less mindful and grounded.

P.S.

Freeing mental "space and time" to let emotions flow.

One thing Brian Tracy used to suggest was sitting still and quietly, without doing anything and letting thoughts and emotions flow freely, for one hour.

Andrew Huberman was just on the Modern Wisdom podcast talking about how this might be the next big scientific thing that is helpful for mental health and creativity. It could work I haven't tried it intentionally though.

Quote from Lucio Buffalmano on October 31, 2023, 10:14 pm

Yeah, turning it into fuel is a time-tested solid approach.

Especially good for phases when you're looking to push yourself, challenge yourself, or find extra motivation.

Later on you may want to eventually be able to let it wash over you.
But still always good in my opinion to retain some of that "more aggressive" approach of turning it into anger and fire for whenever needed.

OFF-TOPIC

little off-topic:

Quote from Bel on October 19, 2023, 2:05 pm

One thing Brian Tracy used to suggest was sitting still and quietly, without doing anything and letting thoughts and emotions flow freely, for one hour.

 

Quote from Power Duck on October 19, 2023, 4:02 pm

One thing Brian Tracy used to suggest was sitting still and quietly, without doing anything and letting thoughts and emotions flow freely, for one hour.

Will probably try this from now on.

 

 

Quote from Carlosortega on October 31, 2023, 7:19 pm

Freeing mental "space and time" to let emotions flow.

One thing Brian Tracy used to suggest was sitting still and quietly, without doing anything and letting thoughts and emotions flow freely, for one hour.

Andrew Huberman was just on the Modern Wisdom podcast talking about how this might be the next big scientific thing that is helpful for mental health and creativity. It could work I haven't tried it intentionally though.

Yeah, makes a lot of sense.

That's basically meditation.

About Huberman, he seems to be a good popularizes of science and a go-to guy to get a quick overview of how to potentially turn science into applicable tools -potentially-.

However, I get a strong feel of:

1. "over-optimization trap" from him (made a post about it here)
2. not a not-so-high bar when it comes to sharing research

Such as, it seems to me like he takes several small studies to turn them into "here's your new hack".

But many of those small studies are too small-powered to make any good predictions.
I've never heard him mention that -an important red flag, to me-.

Also if he used the frame of the "next big scientific thing", that'd be another red flag to me.

Edit:
My 2 cents on it.
And worth reminding I tend to be very skeptical and with a focus on the red flags.

OFF-TOPIC