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Self-power protecting vs Excuse-making: reflections
Hello everyone,
This is a reflection I would like to share with you. Power protection is an important tool in social interactions. One can use it to power protect others or to protect themselves.
What I'm thinking is that self-power protection has 2 contexts:
- If you are being attacked
- If you made a mistake/are in the wrong
If you are being attacked it's only fair to self power protect:
Him: I did not know you were so picky with the food
You: Yeah, I like to make sure I eat healthy
You reframe from picky to health conscious, whatever the case maybe: you could be picky or health conscious but you self-reframe from the negative to the positive.
On the other hand is if one uses self-power protection when one is in the wrong, it's sounds weak and excuse-making:
You (being late): "the train was late" (blaming) instead of "I missed my train" (ownership)
You (making a mistake): "I'm tired" (not responsible) instead of "I made am mistake" (ownership)
Happy to hear your thoughts on this.
PS: If you guys have a better idea for the tile, happy to know about it.
I think this also goes along the law of optimum balance for honesty in terms of responsibility:
Low on the spectrum: blame-shifting, excuse-making, self power protecting when in the wrong
Optimal: assertiveness, self-accountability, all this without negative self-framing, using self-power protecting to defend from attacks only
Too high: negative self-framing by being too transparent (I’m bad at this and that), putting others above when not necessary (you’re better than me at this and that)
Correction:
You reframe from picky to health conscious, whatever the case maybe: you could be picky or health conscious but you self-reframe from the negative to the positive.
Actually, if one is picky and people are accusing the person to be picky, I would rather admit it.
Hey John, I'm only going to address the name so far to avoid confusion.
That is true indeed in the sense that self-defense and power protecting are two faces of the same coin.
But the name "self-power protecting" seems confusing since "if you are being attacked" falls under what we labeled "self-defense".
The "you're so picky" is a common small one-up or micro-aggression, depending on the situation or how it's delivered.
The name may me more appropriate for "if you made a mistake" situation as for your second example though.
Since power protecting includes a lot more situations than just saving face for a mistake, so having "self-power protecting" address only a situations of mistakes/taking ownership may be confusing.
I'm thinking it over.
Hello Lucio,
thank you very much for your answer!
Since power protecting includes a lot more situations than just saving face for a mistake, so having "self-power protecting" address only a situations of mistakes/taking ownership may be confusing.
It makes sense. So power protection is more than saving face, I was not 100% sure of that. I read your definition in your new article, so it's clear to me now.
Edit: I am reading now your article on Power protection, you might address in it what I wrote here.
This made me think of "being OK with oneself" therefore having a resilient sense of self to defend against the judge frame.
Him: I did not know you were so picky with the food
You: I know, and I'm OK with that.
Maybe verbally not perfect, but in terms of mindset it's impermeable - communicating “hey you are troubling yourself for not being to accept this while I fully accept this”.
