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Setting boundaries: "I prefer"
Hello TPM community,
Context
I was spending a morning on my free time to learn peripheral veinous access at the operating room. Basically, I want to learn this technique for children so I think it's better to practice on adults first. I asked permission to the head doctor and head nurse in anesthesiology and they welcomed me.
The nurse who was supervising me (I'm a chief in pediatrics but came there as an intern to learn) told me:
Her: hey darling ("Hey Chouchou", word you use in French for a baby, a small child, a cute animal, or a husband/wife)...
And yes it's babying. First time I let it slip as I need her more than she needs me. I'm a guest there, they're gaining since I'm helping the nurses but I'm the one who had to ask permission. Then she uses it a second time. I get closer to her so patients don't overhear us and I say in a quiet voice (not whispering):
Me: I prefer if you don't call me darling.
Simple, assertive, power-protecting, low investment. I set my boundaries without entering into any conflict. "Soft" boundaries setting or "low dominance" boundaries setting.
She completely changed her way of behaving me. It was actually a frame shocking to her.
I could see she was a nice person and we related to one another authentically and I'm glad I got to know her. She was actually an awesome person. She changed from showing me her domineering side to show me her true/nice side.
I'm happy to read any of your comments on that.
Cheers.
