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Setting takers frame when defending myself.

#11 · August 9, 2023, 12:13 am

Quote from John Freeman on August 9, 2023, 12:13 am
I like this idea actually, to be high quality you are required to have advanced social skills in order to comunicate what you want in the way you want.
Yep, you got it man. That is an important aspect of power. Through our words we create sentences and these sentences create frames and these frames create a reality.
When you change the way you express yourself you change the way you affect the shared experienced reality.
That’s why jokes are funny and all the other things like ideas etc. That’s the power of the mind: to experience things that are just imagined and to create things.
One example: board games. If a dog would look at it it’s a bunch of people around a table pushing pieces of plastics and wood. However in people’s minds many things are happening.
That’s the power we all have. And we can tap into it to affect power dynamics.
About attacking: Yes a great book that I liked a lot is “8 keys to eliminating passive aggressiveness” if you feel like it you could check it out. If not feel free to ignore. The key message that I got from this book is “passive aggression” is hidden anger. Powerful.
About being too intense/corny: yeah the answers you’ll get here many times are not forcibly to be used as stock responses. Though they might in very tricky situations as I experienced. Many times it’s helpful to see how other people are thinking or alternate ways of answering. Each of us has a preferred way of communicating. And it’s like a style. So when we see other people’s answers it helps to widen our repertoire.
On this topic to me communication is like a flow of water. You can project water you can cup it you can push it you can redirect it. And the social finesse lies often in receiving this flow then redirecting it injecting whatever you may see fit into it and sending it back.
Anyway my point is that your mental representation of the exchange influences the exchange. If you see it like a series of back and forth it will be like that. But it does not have to be. It’s actually co-constructing a common shared reality and we have our say into it.
For instance for me thread expanding is like a certain reality is inflating and inflating. The more we talk about it the more real it becomes.
Thanks for the inspiration to formulate these ideas as I never have had before.
Edit: Depending on the culture and your family’s culture (traditional, liberal) it can be more challenging regarding age. If in a certain culture elder are to be respected it’s more difficult. I think elders must be respected as a baseline (not if they’re a-holes of course). However in some cultures it’s more important than others. What I noticed is that the age thing with our family is often not the most important thing. The most important thing is how dependent to our family we are in terms of resources. So a strategy could be to acquire more resources yourself if you’re not doing it already. That would lessen the power your family has over you and influence those dynamics. A suggestion I don’t know the exact situation.

I like this idea actually, to be high quality you are required to have advanced social skills in order to comunicate what you want in the way you want.

Yep, you got it man. That is an important aspect of power. Through our words we create sentences and these sentences create frames and these frames create a reality.

When you change the way you express yourself you change the way you affect the shared experienced reality.

That’s why jokes are funny and all the other things like ideas etc. That’s the power of the mind: to experience things that are just imagined and to create things.

One example: board games. If a dog would look at it it’s a bunch of people around a table pushing pieces of plastics and wood. However in people’s minds many things are happening.

That’s the power we all have. And we can tap into it to affect power dynamics.

About attacking: Yes a great book that I liked a lot is “8 keys to eliminating passive aggressiveness” if you feel like it you could check it out. If not feel free to ignore. The key message that I got from this book is “passive aggression” is hidden anger. Powerful.

About being too intense/corny: yeah the answers you’ll get here many times are not forcibly to be used as stock responses. Though they might in very tricky situations as I experienced. Many times it’s helpful to see how other people are thinking or alternate ways of answering. Each of us has a preferred way of communicating. And it’s like a style. So when we see other people’s answers it helps to widen our repertoire.

On this topic to me communication is like a flow of water. You can project water you can cup it you can push it you can redirect it. And the social finesse lies often in receiving this flow then redirecting it injecting whatever you may see fit into it and sending it back.

Anyway my point is that your mental representation of the exchange influences the exchange. If you see it like a series of back and forth it will be like that. But it does not have to be. It’s actually co-constructing a common shared reality and we have our say into it.

For instance for me thread expanding is like a certain reality is inflating and inflating. The more we talk about it the more real it becomes.

Thanks for the inspiration to formulate these ideas as I never have had before.

Edit: Depending on the culture and your family’s culture (traditional, liberal) it can be more challenging regarding age. If in a certain culture elder are to be respected it’s more difficult. I think elders must be respected as a baseline (not if they’re a-holes of course). However in some cultures it’s more important than others. What I noticed is that the age thing with our family is often not the most important thing. The most important thing is how dependent to our family we are in terms of resources. So a strategy could be to acquire more resources yourself if you’re not doing it already. That would lessen the power your family has over you and influence those dynamics. A suggestion I don’t know the exact situation.

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#12 · August 9, 2023, 9:00 am

Thanks for the response John.

On this topic to me communication is like a flow of water. You can project water you can cup it you can push it you can redirect it. And the social finesse lies often in receiving this flow then redirecting it injecting whatever you may see fit into it and sending it back.
Anyway my point is that your mental representation of the exchange influences the exchange. If you see it like a series of back and forth it will be like that. But it does not have to be. It’s actually co-constructing a common shared reality and we have our say into it.

Thanks for the analysis. This part specially changes a lot how I see frame control.

I agree about acquiring resources. I do think that both not having monetary resources and the fact that I used to be way lower power and unaware in the past are the main causes for the behaviour my relatives have towards me.

I checked the summary of the book you mention, it looks good. There's lot of passive aggressiveness as well as aggressive communication styles in my close circle, so I think that learning how to deal with people like this is a must. Unfortunately straight talk doesn't work.

Thanks for the inspiration to formulate these ideas as I never have had before.

Thanks to you too for sharing those ideas 🙂.

Cheers.

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