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Shall I accept the furnitures?

Hello guys,

I am moving out soon. I told my friends that I won't be able to furnish my new flat it right away as I have quite a few expenses this month. So a friend of mine proposed to give me furnitures. However, I think that I might be losing power if I do so. If every time my friends are coming to my place they see his furniture, then it's a way that he could use it or they could use it to say that I'm below him.

So I'm thinking about refusing. Am I taking this power thing too far?

My opinion is that it's worth spending the money to keep a higher status. These are furniture that they're not using anymore (they're quite consumerists and love to buy new things).

What do you think?


Do you think your friends will consider this a favour and use giving their furniture against you?

I am on the same page with not accepting gifts from people who will do social or power scalping.

I think that, if someone will keep pointing out that he gave you a piece of furniture, it's probably wise to not accept this gift.

Also, if this friend is giving away furniture like you said because he doesn't want it anymore, he may associate this furniture with items of lower status.

That being said, if you really like the furniture, it's in good condition and it suits what you have in mind for the layout of the house, I think it's safe to accept this.

If he says it is a gift from him,

Him: I gave you this furniture.

John: Yeah thanks man. It really suited what I have in mind for my new layout.

This shows that you are not accepting the furniture because it's free. It suited your living preferences and you have good tastes in design.

John Freeman has reacted to this post.
John Freeman

What I'd ask here is:

Do you like the furniture?

The answer to that question should be (far) more important than the power dynamics consequences IF your friends and your relationships are generally supportive.

If not, then things change.

However, then the priority might also change to finding and developing more win-win relationships.

Keep this in mind:

Personally, I'd be happy if my friend took my furniture.

And since I'm not exceptional as a friend (or in any other way :), it means that it should very easy and possible to find those friends, and develop those relationships.

Also keep in mind that when visiting I might like to exchange a few comments about that furniture. But that is not as a way of saying "I gave you" -or that would be the smallest part and it would be mistaken to focus on that-, but as a way of reinforcing the friendship and mutually value-adding relationship.
It would be as a way of saying "I'm glad I could help you, I'm glad you're benefitting from it because you're my friend".

So, personally, I'd say "absolutely take it".

And if they use it against you in a value-taking way, great: now you know who you're dealing with.

John Freeman and selffriend have reacted to this post.
John Freemanselffriend
Have you read the forum guidelines for effective communication already?