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Shared meals: 8 simple tests to assess dates

Shared meals here means dishes and food in the middle of the table.

Think of a sort of "tapas" or "couples menu" with 2 different main courses (pasta / meat, for example), 1 salad, 1 dessert, and maybe some smaller extras.
A shared meal is opposed to the most classical way of eating where each one of you has their own dish.

Shared meals offer far greater opportunity for assessing characters, and judging the potentials for a deeper relationship.
I have noticed that it's a great tool for assessing characters quickly -on the very first date- and fairly reliably.

Some key behaviors to observe:

  • Does she also serve you, or just serves herself? 

Women who also serve you show a collaborative attitude.

A silent test I like you could run is to wait once the food is on the table, and see if she is going to serve herself first, you first, or if she serves herself first and you never (in the meanwhile, you could take care of pouring the water, or pretend to quickly check your phone).

It's also a very bad sign if you serve her and she doesn't serve you back. And worst of all if you serve her, she doesn't serve you back, and doesn't even say "thanks".
That's why it's also a great test to serve her, and see how she takes it.

  • Does she expect you to serve her?

Very bad sign.

These women have either an entitled/spoiled mindset, or they are aiming at being the prize of the relationship.

In some cases, these women have grown up with fathers who idolized their mothers, and now their expectations is for their partners to do the same.
You can reset expectations with these women and reach a more equitable relationship, but it will take some more time.

  • Does she ask you what you like, or picks regardless of shared tastes?

If she shares her tastes and asks about yours, that's a win-win gal who also contributes.

If she picks her favorite dishes with little regard for what you like, she doesn't stand for a strong team, and it's a potentially win-lose gal.

If she only asks what you like and she's cool with everything, that's a gal who's relinquishing all control to you.

The last one can be a good sign, that she is trusting you and accepting your leadership.

But more data is needed.

If she never pitches in, that's not the best scenario. Ideally, you want women who bring their own value and inputs to the table. Plus, some women relinquish control but still blame the man if things don't go well. You don't want that :).

  • Does she share portions equally, or takes without thinking about you? 

So far, how she divides the meals' portion has been a fairly reliable way of assessing collaborators and value-givers VS more selfish characters.

Also, pay close attention to when there is only a small bite or a single item left of a tapas you both liked.
Does she go for it, or does she share it?

A testing power move here can be to ask her:

You: would you like the last piece of... (whatever is left)

Collaborative women will either say you can share it, or thank you for the nice thought.
Women who expect to be served will nod their head as if taking the last piece all for themselves was the most natural thing in the world.

  • Does she tell you "pass me this", "pass me that", or she takes it herself?

She is tasking you, and what it means is contextual.

It's either you were not dominant / high-power enough, and she is now taking charge, or she is naturally bossy and domineering.

Living with bossy and commanding women can be an eternal struggle for control, which makes for poorer relationships.

However, don't jump to conclusions if the tasking was called for. If she can't reach something and asks you to pass it to her, that's OK. Especially if she thanks you afterward.

  • Ask her if she likes the food: does he like it, or complains about it?

Such a potent, simple, yet so under-utilized way of assessing people.

I've taken several women to the exact same place I like, with widely different feedback on the quality of food and venue.

And every time, it well predicted how easy and pleasant it was to date and get along with her (or difficult).

Expect the women who complain to be generally hard to please in life.
Expect the women who appreciate to be generally more positive and appreciative.

To test for this one, it's best if the place has good quality food, but not too extreme in either way -if it's obviously poor quality or obviously high-cuisine, than it doesn't serve as a good test-

  • How does she treat the staff?

As someone said:

To test people'strue  character, give them power

The staff usually has low power compared to the patrons, which makes it a great test of character.

I had meals with women who were very kind to the staff, and almost invariably turned out to be kind women in general.

And I've seen women who order the staff around, do not thank them for the service, and do not even look at them in the eyes. I was even embarrassed in some of the worst cases.
I have not entered any meaningful relationship with these women, and the reason is that I'm pretty sure that their behavior with the staff was also a reliable indicator of their character.

  • How does she feel about leaving food

Women who take care of their -and of mutual- finances prefer not to throw stuff away.

People with high entitlement and a "I'm the prize" attitude couldn't care less.

The worst result for this test is a woman who orders something, and then barely even eats it / drink it.
If it's coupled with you paying and her not thanking you, take it as a HUGE red flag. She will spend your money until there isn't a single drop left, and then complain you don't make enough.


I wrote from the point of view of a man dating a woman, but the above data collection points are equally effective for a woman to assess a man.

 

Kellvo and Stef have reacted to this post.
KellvoStef
Have you read the forum guidelines for effective communication already?

Awesome post!

All the small details to pay attention to, how she interacts with other people higher (she may also be an ass licker) or lower in power (tyrant signaling)!

And if the girl give you head under the table while you wolf down some tapas (in spanish tapas can mean glutes), well thats something to ponder about... 🙂

Lucio Buffalmano has reacted to this post.
Lucio Buffalmano
Quote from Stef on September 26, 2020, 4:23 am

Awesome post!

All the small details to pay attention to, how she interacts with other people higher (she may also be an ass licker) or lower in power (tyrant signaling)!

Thanks!

Yeah, I see these like small but highly significant giveaways of future direction.

Imagine you veer by just one degree while at the helm of a boat. The first few minutes, it does little to nothing. Similarly, the fact that she only serves herself is not going to impact your life that much.

But the more time you spend with her in the future, the more the underlying character that leads to that behavior will impact your life.

And if you decide to make her your long term partner, wife, or mother of your children... Then it's gonna make a huge difference in your life, and take you to a very different destination.

Quote from Stef on September 26, 2020, 4:23 am

And if the girl give you head under the table while you wolf down some tapas (in spanish tapas can mean glutes), well thats something to ponder about... ?

LOL, most certainly. What I wouldn't ponder in that case though is on whether later on one should use a condom or not :).

Stef has reacted to this post.
Stef
Have you read the forum guidelines for effective communication already?

Imagine you veer by just one degree while at the helm of a boat.

In chaos theory, the butterfly effect is the sensitive dependence on initial conditions in which a small change in one state of a deterministic nonlinear system can result in large differences in a later state.

The term, closely associated with the work of Edward Lorenz, is derived from the metaphorical example of the details of a tornado (the exact time of formation, the exact path taken) being influenced by minor perturbations such as the flapping of the wings of a distant butterfly several weeks earlier.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Butterfly_effect

🙂

Matthew Whitewood has reacted to this post.
Matthew Whitewood
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