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Short-term mating strategy, lover role and honesty
Hello Lucio,
due to my (caring) personality and my new profession, I became more "boyfriend material" than "lover material". When I was a student or when I travel, I could more easily be the lover type. I don't have (consciously) any Madonna-whore complex.
My personal character is to be as honest as one can realistically be. My medium-term goal is to meet a nordic or slavic woman for long-term mating. In the meantime I have a short-term mating strategy as training ground for my future wife.
So my question is: how to move the needle to the (honest) lover role? What behaviors? What mindsets? What speech patterns?
I know it's always beneficial as a lover can always become a long-term mate. So being a good lover is a worthy goal. I started this morning module 4 on dating in PU.
This goes along with the question:
How do you go for a short-term strategy without hurting women?
This question knowing that after a few orgasms with you they will excrete oxytocine enough to be attached to you. And then they will suffer to break that attachement. That's why they don't like the FWB or the "fuck buddy" so much whereas most of us do.
How do you date ethically when you're not looking for a long-term mate? Do you only stick to women who are looking for short-term mates?
Hey John,
This topic can get very deep, and it's very interesting.
I think that besides women who are only into short term, which is not such a big category, I believe, there is a much larger "grey area category" of women who are also glad to engage in short term sex and/or short-term/mid-term romance and dating.
And that's women who'd rather date someone, before they find someone for longer-term, rather than be completely celibate before mr. Right and long-term comes along.
So albeit the short term is no their cup of tea, and albeit they are aware they might fall for someone and get hurt, they still prefer to enjoy that time rather than be completely alone.
The feeling they have is "I'm doing something bad for me... But I like".
You are right when you say that your job makes you very "boyfriend candidate". There might be no better job than "doctor" for boyfriend candidate :D.
But even more than job, I think that vibe and subtext are what matters the most.
If you don't give long-term vibes and sub-communication, then most women will naturally know that it's either you're not long-term, or that they need to ask.
A few, more naive women, will not. And those are the ones that an ethical player should pay more attnetion to.
But as long as you don't actively lead women on, which would be super low to do, then it's a moot point whether you are responsible for their possible, future pain.
Plus, albeit on average not as much as women, men bond too, so it's also possible that you might get attached, or hurt.
However, I'd be very interested in more inputs on this, as well as from women.
I'm considering sending out an email newsletter asking women what's their take on this topic.
