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Sister's boyfriend pulling moves.

#1 · October 11, 2023, 9:45 am

Quote from Power Duck on October 11, 2023, 9:45 am
Cheers guys.
8 months ago my sister started dating a guy, now he's her boyfriend. At first the guy was very shy (and I made really strong eye contact so he was more submissive, not very cool from my part).
With time I stopped doing that, and from time to time he started pulling judge power moves
Bf: man you're a box of chalks. (Boxes have a square form who would've imagined and here in Spain a slang for being strong is being "squared")
He pulls those moves when he's at my home and I want to relax there, so more often than not it caught me off guard, but not yesterday.
Power Duck enters home.
Bf: here's the bodyguard
Power Duck: bodyguard? (With an amused tone of what the hell are you talking about)
Bf: yeah
Later as I was taking the towels to have a shower he told me the following:
Bf: Power Suck one day of these days we'll do leg day.
Power Duck: one of these, one of these
Bf: I'll turn you into a thin guy
Bf: I'll turn you from a bodyguard to....
Power Duck: to a football player like you?
Bf: hahaha no man it's hard to eat a lot and stay thin (I'm bigger than him, and he's thin)
Power Duck: yeah
The rest of the exchanges during the night was he calling me bodyguard and me calling him football player.
He stayed to sleep and this morning just after waking up and talking to my sister:
Sister:.... That guy is called x (a guy who's name is the same as mine)
Bf: but he isn't a bodyguard though
I ignored this statement and started strategising. Since smoothness here is really important (and my sister started teaming up with her bf a bit later), I will use surfacing with humor to start subcomunicating the guy to stop if he repeats that (didn't have the opportunity to try it since he didn't)
PD: man again? You've called me bodyguard like 20 times. You're going to change my name man. (A bit of a "social lubricant" in the end although I thread expand on the nastiness)
If he continues, I'll be more serious while being warm. I doubt he'll continue.
After what he did this morning however, my sister made things easier for me (not purposefully, she teamed up with her bf):
Sister: so shall we call you bodyguard from now on?
PD: you call me by my name, no? Girl (not getting angry and with a calm tone, still dominant)
Sister: don't call me girl
PD: ok girl (while smirking)
The three of us were in the kitchen during this exchange
In case his power moves weren't ill intentioned which I doubt given that he called me bodyguard around 4 times the night before, being dominant with my sister made it clear for him, I don't appreciate those "jokes". In case he continues I would go with the strat I proposed before.
He's still a bit shy with me from time to time so it's plausible that he uses those moves to feel more confident and less nervous, not my problem though.
In case he's a power player (wouldn't surprise me, most guys with girlfriends I know are) I'm definitely not going to let him have is way, he's not changing my family dynamic to a worse one.
Feel free to comment about it.

Cheers guys.

8 months ago my sister started dating a guy, now he's her boyfriend. At first the guy was very shy (and I made really strong eye contact so he was more submissive, not very cool from my part).

With time I stopped doing that, and from time to time he started pulling judge power moves

Bf: man you're a box of chalks. (Boxes have a square form who would've imagined and here in Spain a slang for being strong is being "squared")

He pulls those moves when he's at my home and I want to relax there, so more often than not it caught me off guard, but not yesterday.

Power Duck enters home.
Bf: here's the bodyguard
Power Duck: bodyguard? (With an amused tone of what the hell are you talking about)
Bf: yeah

Later as I was taking the towels to have a shower he told me the following:

Bf: Power Suck one day of these days we'll do leg day.
Power Duck: one of these, one of these
Bf: I'll turn you into a thin guy
Bf: I'll turn you from a bodyguard to....
Power Duck: to a football player like you?
Bf: hahaha no man it's hard to eat a lot and stay thin (I'm bigger than him, and he's thin)
Power Duck: yeah

The rest of the exchanges during the night was he calling me bodyguard and me calling him football player.

He stayed to sleep and this morning just after waking up and talking to my sister:

Sister:.... That guy is called x (a guy who's name is the same as mine)
Bf: but he isn't a bodyguard though

I ignored this statement and started strategising. Since smoothness here is really important (and my sister started teaming up with her bf a bit later), I will use surfacing with humor to start subcomunicating the guy to stop if he repeats that (didn't have the opportunity to try it since he didn't)

PD: man again? You've called me bodyguard like 20 times. You're going to change my name man. (A bit of a "social lubricant" in the end although I thread expand on the nastiness)
If he continues, I'll be more serious while being warm. I doubt he'll continue.

After what he did this morning however, my sister made things easier for me (not purposefully, she teamed up with her bf):

Sister: so shall we call you bodyguard from now on?
PD: you call me by my name, no? Girl (not getting angry and with a calm tone, still dominant)
Sister: don't call me girl
PD: ok girl (while smirking)
The three of us were in the kitchen during this exchange

In case his power moves weren't ill intentioned which I doubt given that he called me bodyguard around 4 times the night before, being dominant with my sister made it clear for him, I don't appreciate those "jokes". In case he continues I would go with the strat I proposed before.

He's still a bit shy with me from time to time so it's plausible that he uses those moves to feel more confident and less nervous, not my problem though.

In case he's a power player (wouldn't surprise me, most guys with girlfriends I know are) I'm definitely not going to let him have is way, he's not changing my family dynamic to a worse one.

Feel free to comment about it.

Kavalier and Carlosortega have reacted to this post.

#2 · October 11, 2023, 11:19 am

Bf: Power Suck

Power Duck*

Kavalier has reacted to this post.

#3 · October 11, 2023, 11:54 am

Common dynamic:

He walks into a new place, looks around to look who to respect (often the father), and who he can social climb on to display some dominance to the GF (often the possibly younger brother).

So, yeah, you got the good attitude: no social climbing on you.

How you go about it is more detail-level, and as long as the good atittude is there -and you have it, including the "doing it but not overdoing it", it's all good-.

Little detail I noted was this:

Bf: here's the bodyguard
Power Duck: bodyguard? (With an amused tone of what the hell are you talking about)

Its' OK.

Actually, for thinking on your feet, it's great, well done.

The only thing is that the repetition of the name thread-expands on that "new nickname" and serves him the "yeah, that's you" reply that solidifies the frame.

So a different option, you either say "who the heck is a bodyguard" that at least challenges that frame, or you do the same thing, but without repeating the word.

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#4 · October 11, 2023, 12:48 pm

Thanks Lucio.

Yeah, that pretty much thread expanded the name calling. The option you propose seems good for me, will give it a try todays. Since we go to my hometown too, he'll meet the family and will have time to pull moves. Too bad I know the rules of the game better than him.

My uncle and my aunt are very dominant, the former one loves trying to one up me, let's see how he does if he decides to target the new guy in the family.

Cheers.

Lucio Buffalmano and Kavalier have reacted to this post.

#5 · October 12, 2023, 6:13 am

Here are some alternative ways I would've responded that you could add to the arsenal:

Bf: Power Suck one day of these days we'll do leg day.
Power Duck: one of these, one of these
Bf: I'll turn you into a thin guy
Me: (smirk) We can workout, with all this big boy (or trash) talk you better not disappoint me. (point at him and/or pat him on the shoulder)
You show some affectionate dominance and a judge frame albeit might be too over dominant, but this would probably be my response.
Bf: I'll turn you from a bodyguard to... (whatever he says)
Me: (ignore) Listen, I hear a lot of trash talk (or chirping) we'll hit legs and you better bring your A-game, alright?
That's for if you want to workout with him.

My go-to for whenever someone challenges me in a game like "I'm gonna mop the floor with you in ping pong" is "show me what you got" or "I want to see what you got." Simple, low effort.