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Smiles and Warmth does NOT mean friendly
Hello guys,
going through Power University, I realized that the best power players are able to fake warmth. I faced it with one of my supervisors in the past, she was all smiles but when she was not happy she was a harpy. But now I'm able to categorize it.
I have one supervisor who is quite covert-aggressive, that's her in these two examples:
11.06.20: Tonight, my supervisor as I was trying to write something on a computer while answering her question and had trouble to do both at the end of a long day and she said: "Ah, this is the typical mono-synaptic way of men of thinking".
I got also attacked by another power-hungry female supervisor which I answered politely by taking the blame: "I miscommunicated, what I meant is [what everybody else understood except you because you were too busy looking for the flaws in my presentation]".
However, when she's starting her shift and sees me, she makes a huge warm smile. But I know better now. In the past, I wanted so bad to believe that "no, this person MUST be well-intentioned" and I was thinking in black-and-white: "either she's a good person, either she's a bad person". This led me to wrong judgment. The goal of this post is to express that some people can be so good at faking friendliness that they can fake warmth.
That is very scary, like a psycopath who have a family and is able to fake the emotions needed (or their expressions), and then by night he goes and commit some atrocious crimes his family would never believe he is capable of, sometines not even after enough evidence is presented.
the guy with the fedora hat is actually a demon.
Hey John,
Yeah, that's possible, and women are probably better at that than men.
In the case of your supervisor, it might be that she is a big fake and a master covert-manipulator.
However, I wouldn't categorize that first example as a nasty power move. Or at least, not against you.
She was addressing men in general, and yes, it's somewhat of a dumb comment. There might be some truth in it, but it's also a generalization. And in these days and age, it was somewhat of a poor comment to make in professional settings.
But I wouldn't necessarily read malice in it.
Personally, I would have actually smiled at her accurate description and small-time power move. In some situations, this might also be seen as teasing/flirting, not necessarily sexual, but as a way of getting personally closer by breaking a small work-barrier.
On the second instance, consider that it's possible to have divergent and even opposing feelings towards someone at the same time.
She might admire you and your work, or be happy to see you.
But then switch into competition mode when there is a big crowd around. Albeit it's certainly possible that she was faking warmth in previous encouters, her behavior in that crowd that not necessarily mean that she was all a big fake (the ability to switch competition on-off is more of a male trait, by the way, but some women do function more on the male end of the spectrum).
You probably know better, but judging from this information, I personally wouldn't directly jump to that conclusion.
Replying to the mono-synaptic comment
BTW, if you wanted to react on it, you could have replied:
Her: Ah, this is the typical mono-synaptic way of men of thinking
You: Yeah, I prefer the efficiency of focusing 100% on a single task
You reframe it from a supposedly disadvantage, to an advantage. Plus, you indirectly say she was distracting you.
You also say "I prefer", = don't attach those gender-labels on me as an individual, please.
She might admire you and your work, or be happy to see you.
But then switch into competition mode when there is a big crowd around. Albeit it's certainly possible that she was faking warmth in previous encouters, her behavior in that crowd that not necessarily mean that she was all a big fake (the ability to switch competition on-off is more of a male trait, by the way, but some women do function more on the male end of the spectrum).You probably know better, but judging from this information, I personally wouldn't directly jump to that conclusion.
Good point. Yeah, I don't like masculine, aggressive and competitive women so much. No, I did not know any better: I'm biased towards her, your perspective is helpful.
Her: Ah, this is the typical mono-synaptic way of men of thinking
You: Yeah, I prefer the efficiency of focusing 100% on a single task
Great point as well.
Thanks guys!
Quote from John Freeman on August 21, 2020, 2:08 pm(...) Yeah, I don't like masculine, aggressive and competitive women so much (...)
Yeah, I haven't met many guys who do :).
They did a great job though to help change the culture in a way that:
- it's taboo to say it, and
- some people might still think it's more of a question of tastes, rather than a generalized tendency -few exceptions can apply, as always, but the general tendency is clear-
For women to wield power, compete, and be feminine is not easy.
The few women who manage, are very high quality, though.
They did a great job though to help change the culture in a way that:
- it's taboo to say it, and
- some people might still think it's more of a question of tastes, rather than a generalized tendency -few exceptions can apply, as always, but the general tendency is clear-
I'm not sure I understand. Do you mean that:
- They changed the culture to the point that now it's taboo to say that most men don't like this type of women?
- That most men don't like this type of women?
Yeah I admit that they gross me out a little bit. They hide behind the: "it's because I'm an ambitious woman that people don't like me". No, it's because you're a dick. I actually like ambitious positive value-adding women competing fairly.
In the sentence above "women" is interchangeable with "people".
Quote from John Freeman on August 22, 2020, 6:13 pmThey did a great job though to help change the culture in a way that:
- it's taboo to say it, and
- some people might still think it's more of a question of tastes, rather than a generalized tendency -few exceptions can apply, as always, but the general tendency is clear-
I'm not sure I understand. Do you mean that:
- They changed the culture to the point that now it's taboo to say that most men don't like this type of women?
- That most men don't like this type of women?
Yeah I admit that they gross me out a little bit. They hide behind the: "it's because I'm an ambitious woman that people don't like me". No, it's because you're a dick. I actually like ambitious positive value-adding women competing fairly.
In the sentence above "women" is interchangeable with "people".
Yeah, you understood, that's what I meant. "They" in the sense of more aggressive and less stereotypically-feminine women.
Alright! Gotcha! :)
