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Social Finesse: make her prove to you
Who proves to whom is a huge indicator of who has power in the relationship.
Look at this example and see if you notice anything.
Then, read the breakdown below:
When she said:
No, the kids at the welfare home gave it to me
it was obvious she was there for charity.
But if you had said:
Cool, were you there for charity?
You would have spoon-fed her reply, and it would have lost power.
Now notice here that some people might think that by "guessing" right they show they're smart.
Nothing could be further from the truth:
- You get little points for "guessing" the obvious right
- You are falling into the mindset of you proving yourself
You do get a lot of relationship power instead when people prove themselves to you and you get to reward them.
That creates a dynamic where they show off for you and you make them feel good for it.
They become dependent on your approval and you become what I refer to as "the judge" in my Social Power course, which one of the pillars of social power.
And that's why I ask the question.
The question gives her the chance to volunteer information about her charity work and to show off for me.
And she is dancing to my tune.
