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Social scalping by piggybacking on my gift idea

#1 · January 31, 2021, 10:48 am

Quote from John Freeman on January 31, 2021, 10:48 am
Hello guys,
Experience
My friend "best friend N." is someone I can really trust. He's always been on my side as long as I've known him for about a year now. He's trustworthy. I did not know him for long but he's a high-quality person. He succeeded his driving license yesterday as it was his third try. So I was very happy for him.
Yesterday, I texted his old best friend L. to know best friend N's girlfriend phone number girlfriend J. I wanted to have it to ask her an advice for a gift for best friend N. I finally found it by myself in an old whatsapp group for a party. So I did not need old best friend L's help in the end.
So I texted girlfriend J's and basically she had the same ideas for gift as I had. So not really helpful, but I thanked her anyway (she will have her own post next).
I was invited at his place yesterday evening to celebrate his driving license (my suggestion). I was not going to give him the gift yesterday because I could buy something that I liked for him in time. I haven't yet found the right idea.
Now, we're waiting for L to eat. We were supposed to eat at around 8pm and we waited for old BFF L. until 10pm. It was ok because we played together. However, when he arrived, guess what:
He brought some flowers for best friend N. (whereas I did not bring any gift yet, remember)
Analysis
See, this sneaky little bastard was not going to give him a gift if I would have not let him know that I was going to buy best friend N. a gift.
Why do I think that? Because L. does not have his driving license yet.
They brought it up as now best friend N. has his driving license but not old best friend L. Here is the state of their relationship: they don't see each other as often as they used to. I'm suspicious that old best friend L. is envious of best friend N. as he's having more success than him, professionally for instance. Also they knew one another from their small town and I think old best friend L. kept ties with the original group of their small town whereas best friend N. did not.
I don't feel any competition with old friend L. as my friend's friends are my friends.
Behavior
Now how would you react:
Do nothing: leave it as it is. He had his way and good for him. The gift is value adding for best friend N. so that's the goal: he won something.
Say it to best friend N when I'm giving him a gift: I think it could be value-taking as it is implying that his close friend is not trustworthy. It could also even things out. "He gave you a gift, but I gave L. the idea. I just wanted to set the record straight.
What do you think?
Now I have some intel about old best friend L. tactics: underhanded. It did not cost me too much to learn more about him. He could have said: "John, you gave me the idea." as he gave the gift. And it would have been win-win-win. Now he got a win-win-lose. And he could have made an enemy. Dangerous move.

Hello guys,

Experience

My friend "best friend N." is someone I can really trust. He's always been on my side as long as I've known him for about a year now. He's trustworthy. I did not know him for long but he's a high-quality person. He succeeded his driving license yesterday as it was his third try. So I was very happy for him.

Yesterday, I texted his old best friend L. to know best friend N's girlfriend phone number girlfriend J. I wanted to have it to ask her an advice for a gift for best friend N. I finally found it by myself in an old whatsapp group for a party. So I did not need old best friend L's help in the end.

So I texted girlfriend J's and basically she had the same ideas for gift as I had. So not really helpful, but I thanked her anyway (she will have her own post next).

I was invited at his place yesterday evening to celebrate his driving license (my suggestion). I was not going to give him the gift yesterday because I could buy something that I liked for him in time. I haven't yet found the right idea.

Now, we're waiting for L to eat. We were supposed to eat at around 8pm and we waited for old BFF L. until 10pm. It was ok because we played together. However, when he arrived, guess what:

He brought some flowers for best friend N. (whereas I did not bring any gift yet, remember)

Analysis

See, this sneaky little bastard was not going to give him a gift if I would have not let him know that I was going to buy best friend N. a gift.

Why do I think that? Because L. does not have his driving license yet.

They brought it up as now best friend N. has his driving license but not old best friend L. Here is the state of their relationship: they don't see each other as often as they used to. I'm suspicious that old best friend L. is envious of best friend N. as he's having more success than him, professionally for instance. Also they knew one another from their small town and I think old best friend L. kept ties with the original group of their small town whereas best friend N. did not.

I don't feel any competition with old friend L. as my friend's friends are my friends.

Behavior

Now how would you react:

Do nothing: leave it as it is. He had his way and good for him. The gift is value adding for best friend N. so that's the goal: he won something.
Say it to best friend N when I'm giving him a gift: I think it could be value-taking as it is implying that his close friend is not trustworthy. It could also even things out. "He gave you a gift, but I gave L. the idea. I just wanted to set the record straight.

What do you think?

Now I have some intel about old best friend L. tactics: underhanded. It did not cost me too much to learn more about him. He could have said: "John, you gave me the idea." as he gave the gift. And it would have been win-win-win. Now he got a win-win-lose. And he could have made an enemy. Dangerous move.